The Spectator
Chapter 39 : _Semp.r.o.nia_ is at present the most profest Admirer of the _French_ Nation, but is so

_Semp.r.o.nia_ is at present the most profest Admirer of the _French_ Nation, but is so modest as to admit her Visitants no further than her Toilet. It is a very odd Sight that beautiful Creature makes, when she is talking Politicks with her Tresses flowing about her Shoulders, and examining that Face in the Gla.s.s, which does such Execution upon all the Male Standers-by. How prettily does she divide her Discourse between her Woman and her Visitants? What sprightly Transitions does she make from an Opera or a Sermon, to an Ivory Comb or a Pincus.h.i.+on? How have I been pleased to see her interrupted in an Account of her Travels, by a Message to her Footman; and holding her Tongue, in the midst of a Moral Reflexion, by applying the Tip of it to a Patch?

There is nothing which exposes a Woman to greater dangers, than that Gaiety and Airiness of Temper, which are natural to most of the s.e.x. It should be therefore the Concern of every wise and virtuous Woman, to keep this Sprightliness from degenerating into Levity. On the contrary, the whole Discourse and Behaviour of the _French_ is to make the s.e.x more Fantastical, or (as they are pleased to term it,) _more awakened_, than is consistent either with Virtue or Discretion. To speak Loud in Publick a.s.semblies, to let every one hear you talk of Things that should only be mentioned in Private or in Whisper, are looked upon as Parts of a refined Education. At the same time, a Blush is unfas.h.i.+onable, and Silence more ill-bred than any thing that can be spoken. In short, Discretion and Modesty, which in all other Ages and Countries have been regarded as the greatest Ornaments of the Fair s.e.x, are considered as the Ingredients of narrow Conversation, and Family Behaviour.

Some Years ago I was at the Tragedy of _Macbeth_, and unfortunately placed myself under a Woman of Quality that is since Dead; who, as I found by the Noise she made, was newly returned from _France_. A little before the rising of the Curtain, she broke out into a loud Soliloquy, _When will the dear Witches enter?_ and immediately upon their first Appearance, asked a Lady that sat three Boxes from her, on her Right-hand, if those Witches were not charming Creatures. A little after, as _Betterton_ was in one of the finest Speeches of the Play, she shook her Fan at another Lady, who sat as far on the Left hand, and told her with a Whisper, that might be heard all over the Pit, We must not expect to see _Balloon_ to-night. [3] Not long after, calling out to a young Baronet by his Name, who sat three Seats before me, she asked him whether _Macbeth's_ Wife was still alive; and before he could give an Answer, fell a talking of the Ghost of _Banquo_. She had by this time formed a little Audience to herself, and fixed the Attention of all about her. But as I had a mind to hear the Play, I got out of the Sphere of her Impertinence, and planted myself in one of the remotest Corners of the Pit.

This pretty Childishness of Behaviour is one of the most refined Parts of Coquetry, and is not to be attained in Perfection, by Ladies that do not Travel for their Improvement. A natural and unconstrained Behaviour has something in it so agreeable, that it is no Wonder to see People endeavouring after it. But at the same time, it is so very hard to hit, when it is not Born with us, that People often make themselves Ridiculous in attempting it.

A very ingenious _French_ Author [4] tells us, that the Ladies of the Court of _France_, in his Time, thought it Ill-breeding, and a kind of Female Pedantry, to p.r.o.nounce an hard Word right; for which Reason they took frequent occasion to use hard Words, that they might shew a Politeness in murdering them. He further adds, that a Lady of some Quality at Court, having accidentally made use of an hard Word in a proper Place, and p.r.o.nounced it right, the whole a.s.sembly was out of Countenance for her.

I must however be so just to own, that there are many Ladies who have Travelled several Thousand of Miles without being the worse for it, and have brought Home with them all the Modesty, Discretion and good Sense that they went abroad with. As on the contrary, there are great Numbers of _Travelled_ Ladies, [who] [5] have lived all their Days within the Smoke of _London_. I have known a Woman that never was out of the Parish of St. _James's_, [betray] [6] as many Foreign Fopperies in her Carriage, as she could have Gleaned up in half the Countries of _Europe_.

C.

[Footnote 1: At this date the news would just have reached England of the death of the Emperor Joseph and accession of Archduke Charles to the German crown. The Archduke's claim to the crown of Spain had been supported as that of a younger brother of the House of Austria, in whose person the two crowns of Germany and Spain were not likely to be united.

When, therefore, Charles became head of the German empire, the war of the Spanish succession changed its aspect altogether, and the English looked for peace. That of 1711 was, in fact, Marlborough's last campaign; peace negotiations were at the same time going on between France and England, and preliminaries were signed in London in October of this year, 1711. England was accused of betraying the allied cause; but the changed political conditions led to her withdrawal from it, and her withdrawal compelled the a.s.sent of the allies to the general peace made by the Treaty of Utrecht, which, after tedious negotiations, was not signed until the 11th of April, 1713, the continuous issue of the _Spectator_ having ended, with Vol. VII., in December, 1712.]

[Footnote 2: The custom was copied from the French _Precieuses_, at a time when _courir les ruelles_ (to take the run of the bedsides) was a Parisian phrase for fas.h.i.+onable morning calls upon the ladies. The _ruelle_ is the little path between the bedside and the wall.]

[Footnote 3: _Balloon_ was a game like tennis played with a foot-ball; but the word may be applied here to a person. It had not the sense which now first occurs to the mind of a modern reader. Air balloons are not older than 1783.]

[Footnote 4: Describing perhaps one form of reaction against the verbal pedantry and _Phebus_ of the _Precieuses_.]

[Footnote 5: that]

[Footnote 6: with]

No 46. Monday, April 23, 1711. Addison

Non bene junctarum discordia semina rerum.

Ovid.

When I want Materials for this Paper, it is my Custom to go abroad in quest of Game; and when I meet any proper Subject, I take the first Opportunity of setting down an Hint of it upon Paper. At the same time I look into the Letters of my Correspondents, and if I find any thing suggested in them that may afford Matter of Speculation, I likewise enter a Minute of it in my Collection of Materials. By this means I frequently carry about me a whole Sheetful of Hints, that would look like a Rhapsody of Nonsense to any Body but myself: There is nothing in them but Obscurity and Confusion, Raving and Inconsistency. In short, they are my Speculations in the first Principles, that (like the World in its Chaos) are void of all Light, Distinction, and Order.

About a Week since there happened to me a very odd Accident, by Reason of one of these my Papers of Minutes which I had accidentally dropped at _Lloyd's_ [1] Coffee-house, where the Auctions are usually kept. Before I missed it, there were a Cl.u.s.ter of People who had found it, and were diverting themselves with it at one End of the Coffee-house: It had raised so much Laughter among them before I had observed what they were about, that I had not the Courage to own it. The Boy of the Coffee-house, when they had done with it, carried it about in his Hand, asking every Body if they had dropped a written Paper; but no Body challenging it, he was ordered by those merry Gentlemen who had before perused it, to get up into the Auction Pulpit, and read it to the whole Room, that if any one would own it they might. The Boy accordingly mounted the Pulpit, and with a very audible Voice read as follows.

MINUTES.

Sir _Roger de Coverly's_ Country Seat--Yes, for I hate long Speeches--Query, if a good Christian may be a Conjurer--_Childermas-day_, Saltseller, House-Dog, Screech-owl, Cricket--Mr. _Thomas Inkle of London_, in the good s.h.i.+p called _The Achilles_. _Yarico--aegrescitique medendo_--Ghosts--The Lady's Library--Lion by Trade a Taylor--Dromedary called _Bucephalus_--Equipage the Lady's _summum bonum_--_Charles Lillie_ to be taken notice of [2]--Short Face a Relief to Envy--Redundancies in the three Professions--King _Latinus_ a Recruit--Jew devouring an Ham of Bacon--_Westminster Abbey_--_Grand Cairo_--Procrastination--_April_ Fools--Blue Boars, Red Lions, Hogs in Armour--Enter a King and two Fidlers _solus_--Admission into the Ugly Club--Beauty, how improveable--Families of true and false Humour--The Parrot's School-Mistress--Face half _Pict_ half _British_--no Man to be an Hero of Tragedy under Six foot--Club of Sighers--Letters from Flower-Pots, Elbow-Chairs, Tapestry-Figures, Lion, Thunder--The Bell rings to the Puppet-Show--Old-Woman with a Beard married to a smock-faced Boy--My next Coat to be turned up with Blue--Fable of Tongs and Gridiron--Flower Dyers--The Soldier's Prayer--Thank ye for nothing, says the Gally-Pot--_Pactolus_ in Stockings, with golden Clocks to them--Bamboos, Cudgels, Drumsticks--Slip of my Landlady's eldest Daughter--The black Mare with a Star in her Forehead--The Barber's Pole--WILL. HONEYCOMB'S Coat-pocket--_Caesar's_ Behaviour and my own in Parallel Circ.u.mstances--Poem in Patch-work--_Nulli gravis est percussus Achilles_--The Female Conventicler--The Ogle Master.

The reading of this Paper made the whole Coffee-house very merry; some of them concluded it was written by a Madman, and others by some Body that had been taking Notes out of the Spectator. One who had the Appearance of a very substantial Citizen, told us, with several politick Winks and Nods, that he wished there was no more in the Paper than what was expressed in it: That for his part, he looked upon the Dromedary, the Gridiron, and the Barber's Pole, to signify something more than what is usually meant by those Words; and that he thought the Coffee-man could not do better than to carry the Paper to one of the Secretaries of State. He further added, that he did not like the Name of the outlandish Man with the golden Clock in his Stockings. A young [_Oxford_ Scholar [3]], who chanced to be with his Uncle at the Coffee-house, discover'd to us who this _Pactolus_ was; and by that means turned the whole Scheme of this worthy Citizen into Ridicule. While they were making their several Conjectures upon this innocent Paper, I reach'd out my Arm to the Boy, as he was coming out of the Pulpit, to give it me; which he did accordingly. This drew the Eyes of the whole Company upon me; but after having cast a cursory Glance over it, and shook my Head twice or thrice at the reading of it, I twisted it into a kind of Match, and litt my Pipe with it. My profound Silence, together with the Steadiness of my Countenance, and the Gravity of my Behaviour during this whole Transaction, raised a very loud Laugh on all Sides of me; but as I had escaped all Suspicion of being the Author, I was very well satisfied, and applying myself to my Pipe, and the _Post-man_, took no [further]

Notice of any thing that pa.s.sed about me.

My Reader will find, that I have already made use of above half the Contents of the foregoing Paper; and will easily Suppose, that those Subjects which are yet untouched were such Provisions as I had made for his future Entertainment. But as I have been unluckily prevented by this Accident, I shall only give him the Letters which relate to the two last Hints. The first of them I should not have published, were I not informed that there is many a Husband who suffers very much in his private Affairs by the indiscreet Zeal of such a Partner as is hereafter mentioned; to whom I may apply the barbarous Inscription quoted by the Bishop of _Salisbury_ in his Travels; [4] _Dum nimia pia est, facta est impia_.

SIR,

'I am one of those unhappy Men that are plagued with a Gospel-Gossip, so common among Dissenters (especially Friends). Lectures in the Morning, Church-Meetings at Noon, and Preparation Sermons at Night, take up so much of her Time, 'tis very rare she knows what we have for Dinner, unless when the Preacher is to be at it. With him come a Tribe, all Brothers and Sisters it seems; while others, really such, are deemed no Relations. If at any time I have her Company alone, she is a meer Sermon Popgun, repeating and discharging Texts, Proofs, and Applications so perpetually, that however weary I may go to bed, the Noise in my Head will not let me sleep till towards Morning. The Misery of my Case, and great Numbers of such Sufferers, plead your Pity and speedy Relief, otherwise must expect, in a little time, to be lectured, preached, and prayed into Want, unless the Happiness of being sooner talked to Death prevent it.

I am, &c. R. G.

The second Letter relating to the Ogling Master, runs thus.

Mr. SPECTATOR,

'I am an Irish Gentleman, that have travelled many Years for my Improvement; during which time I have accomplished myself in the whole Art of Ogling, as it is at present practised in all the polite Nations of _Europe_. Being thus qualified, I intend, by the Advice of my Friends, to set up for an Ogling-Master. I teach the Church Ogle in the Morning, and the Play-house Ogle by Candle-light. I have also brought over with me a new flying Ogle fit for the Ring; which I teach in the Dusk of the Evening, or in any Hour of the Day by darkning one of my Windows. I have a Ma.n.u.script by me called _The Compleat Ogler_, which I shall be ready to show you upon any Occasion. In the mean time, I beg you will publish the Substance of this Letter in an Advertis.e.m.e.nt, and you will very much oblige,

Yours, &c.

[Footnote 1: _Lloyd's Coffee House_ was first established in Lombard Street, at the corner of Abchurch Lane. Pains were taken to get early s.h.i.+p news at Lloyd's, and the house was used by underwriters and insurers of s.h.i.+ps' cargoes. It was found also to be a convenient place for sales. A poem called 'The Wealthy Shopkeeper', printed in 1700, says of him,

Now to Lloyd's Coffee-house he never fails, To read the Letters, and attend the Sales.

It was afterwards removed to Pope's Head Alley, as 'the New Lloyd's Coffee House;' again removed in 1774 to a corner of the Old Royal Exchange; and in the building of the new Exchange was provided with the rooms now known as 'Lloyd's Subscription Rooms,' an inst.i.tution which forms part of our commercial system.]

[Footnote 2: Charles Lillie, the perfumer in the Strand, at the corner of Beaufort Buildings--where the business of a perfumer is at this day carried on--appears in the 16th, 18th, and subsequent numbers of the 'Spectator', together with Mrs. Baldwin of Warwick Lane, as a chief agent for the sale of the Paper. To the line which had run

'LONDON: Printed for _Sam. Buckley_, at the _Dolphin_ in _Little Britain_; and Sold by _A. Baldwin_ in _Warwick-Lane_; where Advertis.e.m.e.nts are taken in;'

there was then appended:

'as also by _Charles Lillie_, Perfumer, at the Corner of _Beaufort-Buildings_ in the _Strand_'.