Memoirs of the Returnee
Memoirs of the Returnee - Chapter 278: What are Emotions(4)

Late at night. On the outskirts of the capital Edsilla, a derelict factory shrouded in darkness.

It was there that I met the new team member candidate, ‘Luin.’

“Um… I… I…”

Luin was trembling as if the very space was terrifying. I extended my arms to him.

“This is our hideout.”

“… Hideout?”

“Yes. No one can enter without my permission.”

It was a hideout constructed by Grawl himself. It was equipped with several magic spells, so any uninvited guests would die on their way here.

“But… for a hideout…”

Snap!

I snapped my fingers. At that, the door of a container box placed in the corner of the abandoned factory swung open. Luin’s eyes widened as he peered inside.

“No, no way!”

Bright and colorful. A personal space filled with twinkling lights, high-end computers, and mana-servers lined up.

“This is the team’s exclusive information room.”

This would be Luin’s workplace from now on.

“Here, Mr. Luin, you will compile the status and conditions of our team members and deliver the solutions and information they want through the hotline. Additionally, David’s team will also fall under Mr. Luin’s jurisdiction.”

In other words, he was going to take over all the information and intelligence work I had been doing.

Luin nodded hesitantly.

“Ah, I understand.”

“Do you know Jake?”

“Jake?!”

He clapped his hand over his mouth in shock.

“Yes, Jake.”

“Of course! He’s the Black Scale of the Dark Web! He’s my role model!”

Living virtually on the internet, Grawl had grown to the point where he had become someone’s role model.

I pointed to the container.

“This computer has a hotline connected to Jake.”

Luin’s eyes grew even wider. They looked like they might pop out.

“Then, could it be… Mr. Jake is also?”

“Yes. He’s one of the team members.”

“Wha… what…”

Luin staggered and leaned against the container. He trembled in his arms and legs like a newborn fawn.

“lf there’s something you can’t handle alone, communicate with Jake to resolve it. Of course, the ‘whitelist’ that Mr. Luin must cooperate with is limited.”

The whitelist refers to ’a list of those who can use the team’s information.' For now, it naturally includes only Bell Moore’s team and David’s team.

“Can… can I really do well?”

“Just try your best. You have talent.”

Luin was going to be an incredible coder.

While he might not be the creator of [Bethune], he had risen to the level where he could ‘implement’ his own coded programs into the world.

“Yes, yes…”

“Then I’ll leave it to you. This is your space now, use it as you please. Food, water, drinks, and nutritional supplements are all stocked up.”

That’s a minimum of three months’ worth of supplies. Talented coders tend to dislike going outside.

“Where… where are you going?”

Luin asked.

“I have other business to attend to. Jake will fill you in on the details.”

“Jake… Mr. Jake will…”

Luin turned around in a daze and sat down in the chair with the face of someone who had just encountered a deity.

I sought out Doctor Yu Hains once again. It was because of the rumor that Johanna had been hospitalized at Libra Medical Center with a serious illness.

“ls there no problem?”

“I cannot disclose a patient’s personal information.”

Yu Hains was as steadfast as ever.

But honestly, I don’t think she has any illness. She’s excessively healthy, after all.

I was there for my own purposes.

“Hmm.”

I looked intently at Yu Hains. He calmly met my gaze.

“I wonder why Lady Johanna would be hospitalized. It’s curious.”

“lf you’re so concerned, why not ask her directly?”

At Yu Hains’s response, I shrugged my shoulders.

“lt might be burdensome if I get too close.”

“Why is that?”

Yu Hains asked. I scratched the back of my neck, feigning shyness.

“Well, just… Anyway, it’s not a serious illness, right?”

I asked as if I were genuinely worried.

Feigning emotion has become easier than anything else for me.

Of course, there is guilt. I’m not just deceiving the person who is treating me, but I’m using them.

Yu Hains said,

“You were the thirty-fifth.”

“…The thirty-fifth?”

“That many people from Libra have come. There were also spies from other families who came pretending to be patients.”

Indeed, not only Johanna’s subordinates but also Derek, Jade, Zia, several elders, and even people from families other than Libra, and the cartel, would have come.

“They were all more interested in other things than Lady Johanna’s health. Unlike you.”

“…”

I pretended to be struck to the core, momentarily at a loss for words.

“lt’s strange not to worry when an oncology specialist has been changed to the primary physician… Besides.”

I stealthily observed Yu Hains’s complexion.

His hair, reaching down to his shoulders, seemed quite dry. His skin was rough, and he had quite severe dark circles.

“You seem tired?”

A slight smile escaped me. Probably because of Johanna.

“…”

Yu Hains, of course, kept his mouth shut. It was almost an obsession not to divulge any information related to the patient.

I let out a faint sigh.

“That’s just the kind of person she is. If there’s something she wants, something that resonates with her heart, she never gives up.”

Yu Hains’s lips remained firmly sealed.

“But she’s not a bad person. On the contrary… she’s getting better and better.”

Getting better.

That’s quite right.

At least she’s much better now than before the regression. Compared to when she used to kill people like a demon, it's almost endearing.

“Aren’t you going to tell that person?”

Yu Hains asked. I tilted my head.

“Tell what?”

“About ‘you'.”

“…”

About me.

I think I understand what he means.

“Well, I guess not?”

Yu Hains looked at me. His eyes were asking for an explanation.

“l’m a burden, aren’t I? Lady Johanna has a lot to do and a long way to go. I shouldn’t hinder her path.”

A burden.

Such is a life with a time limit.

While all humans cannot be perpetual, the pain of not being able to share time with them cuts deep.

That’s why I’m a burden.

“Even knowing all this, I can’t be a nuisance.”

I stood up.

“Well, anyway. I'm off.”

Yu Hains watched me closely but said nothing more.

He had lost a companion who possessed the same disease as me.

I, like his companion, had contracted the same disease.

Though we seem to be in similar situations, in reality, we are vastly different. We are at complete opposites.

I am going to die, and she will continue to live…

“…Being a nuisance is nothing compared to…”

Yu Hains held me back.

“…The happiness of the moments we shared was far greater.”

I turned to look at him.

“lf the suffering had outweighed the happiness, I would have already taken my own life.”

Yu Hains continued calmly.

“Even that would be too precious to waste. If I die, I won’t be able to remember her.”

“…”

I pondered his words for a moment.

A person who lives to remember someone already gone. A person who lives in a world without love, smelling their scent.

Could Johanna become like Yu Hains?

“Hmm. That might be possible.”

I smiled faintly and closed the door behind me.

…The [New Frontier short-selling operation] of the Libra Intelligence Agency is currently underway.

The Gedley team is building up the operation, and when the time is right, they’ll break the news. That New Frontier is a mountain of debt company made with Vern’s slush funds.

But the future is…

Whether Vern had led them there from the beginning, or it was sheer luck, I don’t know.

A pioneering team hastily dispatched by [New Frontier] to find a pretext stumbled upon a crystal cave in the Arctic.

It was a discovery worth billions of Ren.

Therefore, Derek is going to lose hundreds of millions of Ren on this deal.

Even for Derek, hundreds of millions of Ren would be a severe blow, and once this operation is over, Gedley’s position will also become unstable.

I'll just keep doing what I need to do until then…

“ Shion! Over here!”

This is a coffee shop in the world of [Bethune].

Soliette from the coffee shop waved at me. She was with Erick and Sheron, both disguised as ordinary people.

“Why are you so late~?”

Sheron asked. Erick furrowed his brows in displeasure.

“Sorry, I was held up with some work.”

“Anyway, take a seat. We have something to discuss.”

I sat down next to soliette and asked her quietly.

“What were you guys talking about?”

“About Knightmare, we were sharing some very important information.”

Soliette’s words were confirmed with a nod from Sheron.

“Knightmare… Soliette, how far did we get in our discussion~?”

“lt started with ’theoretically living forever.’”

“Ah, right~.”

Sheron tapped my shoulder with her hand as she spoke, and soliette cast a slightly strange glance at Sheron’s gesture.

“ITI catch discussion from a host.”

“Forever?

up on the previous content with soliette, and we’ll continue the now. First off, ’Knightmare’ theoretically lives forever by parasitizing

How do you know that?”

I asked Sheron. Sheron scrunched up her eyebrows.

“Aventagher, the former Chairman family, you know? Don’t underestimate their intelligence capabilities.”

“Ah… Yes.”

Well, considering the families that could compete with Libra, Aventagher would be included.

“Anyway. Knightmare is a very imperfect being for something that lives eternally. It’s like… something that escaped from a lab.”

“A lab you say?”

Soliette's eyes widened.

“Yes. Look at this.”

Sheron presented some kind of autopsy report.

“Felix, or rather the host that became Knightmare, was examined after his autopsy.”

I turned to look at soliette. Soliette explained with a bitter smile.

“The Aventagher family took care of Felix’s body.”

“Ah…”

“lf you look, the body’s structure itself is being maintained very imperfectly.

Barely alive. Knightmare is forcibly sustaining life.”

Sheron rested her chin on her hand.

“ln my opinion, Knightmare was the byproduct of some research. More of a failure than a byproduct?”

It was a plausible explanation.

Soliette also nodded in agreement.

“But what specific research could have spawned it?”

“What else? I mentioned it’s forcibly sustaining life”

Sheron wrinkled her nose as if frustrated.

“Eternal life.”

“…”

Soliette froze, and I quietly pricked up my ears.

Sheron, this woman, knows a lot more than expected. Her insight and intuition are quite sharp.

Was she always like this?

Soliette asked.

“Which family would research immortality? Such an impossible greed.”

“We have to start looking at that now- There are a lot of families involved. First-”

Sheron pointed at soliette with a thin smile.

“The Arkne family.”

“…Our family?”

Soliette looked surprised. Sheron nodded and pointed to her own chest.

“Next, the Aventaghers.”

“…Yes?”

“There were records from our great-grandfather’s time- If we exclude these things, you guys might suspect, right? That’s why I’m telling you in advance.”

Sheron chuckled and then her expression hardened. She looked at me.

“Add to that Libra. There are at least eight major families involved…”

At the same time.

Visiting the cemetery, Johanna watched the back of Yu Hains. In front of a woman's grave, he was quietly laying flowers.

“…Hmm.”

But just watching was a bit boring.

Johanna walked up and stood beside him.

“lt was cancer, wasn’t it?”

She asked Yu Hains. He silently stood up.

For Johanna, it was frustrating.

“Is this also patient confidentiality?”

“…”

It seemed so.

Johanna sighed. While doing so, she looked at the same grave as Yu Hains.

[Selinne Aryl Daisy]

“Did it hurt? When this woman died.”

“…Yes. Every moment was painful.”

Surprisingly, Yu Hains answered readily. Johanna’s eyebrows twitched.

“HOW much?”

Yu Hains turned to look at her.

“Life will crumble. Everything you’ve known, lived for, and brought with you will collapse, and you can never go back to how it was before.”

“…You're full of shit.”

Johanna laughed sarcastically.

“Then why didn’t you prepare for it? If she had such a disease, it’s natural she would die.”

“…”

“Do ctors often talk about 'being mentally prepared.’ Shouldn’t the doctor have been prepared?”

“There is no preparation for that.”

Yu Hains smiled faintly. It was the first time Johanna had seen the Doctor’s smile.

“lf you can prepare, it would be not to love someone so deeply. That's the biggest precaution.”

Swoosh…

Suddenly, the wind blew. Johanna’s hair fluttered softly.

She clicked her tongue in annoyance.

“Ordinary people like you might suffer from such things. Not us.”

A sneer formed at the corner of her mouth.

“Libra. We control everything. Regulating mere emotions is easier than anything else.”

Yu Hains shook his head slightly.

“…I thought so too, but when it actually happens, it’s not the case.”

“Hmph. Bullshit.”

Johanna flipped the middle finger. Yu Hains looked at it intently and then nodded.

“As a person, not as a doctor, I'll give you advice.”

“What, advice?”

“Stay away if you can. From Shion Ascal.”

“…What?”

“lf you truly care for his heart, stay as far away as possible.”

Johanna thought.

Was this some strange sentimentality sprouting up in front of a grave? The professor suddenly spouting nonsense.

“But if you feel you can’t do that, if it seems utterly impossible…”

Yu Hains stared into Johanna’s eyes and said,

“Love without regrets.”

“…”

Her mouth fell open.

But Yu Hains’s idiotic words still had one more thing to add.

“When you acknowledge that love, come to me.”

Johanna looked at Yu Hains, then let out a hollow laugh.

“…lsn’t this guy insane?”