The Memoirs of Cleopatra
Chapter 13 : His tears dried up in surprise. "Wh-what?" he sniffled."It is my judgmen

His tears dried up in surprise. "Wh-what?" he sniffled.

"It is my judgment, as executor of the late King's will, that we must abide by the terms of it. You will marry your sister Cleopatra and reign as joint monarchs in time-honored fas.h.i.+on."

He couldn't be doing this! How could I have trusted him, or hoped for justice from him? Had all my impressions of him been wrong? Now it seemed he was as devious and cruel as the rest of his countrymen. I was stunned.

"And then, together, you will raise the money you owe me. As you may recall, I have a.s.sumed responsibility for collecting what the late King still owed the Roman Republic." He nodded matter-of-factly.

That man! So he was was just greedy, after all. "You cannot be both judge and beneficiary," I said coldly. "Choose which way you will be satisfied--either as high judge or as debt collector." just greedy, after all. "You cannot be both judge and beneficiary," I said coldly. "Choose which way you will be satisfied--either as high judge or as debt collector."

He shot a look at me. His eyes were flat and betrayed not anger but resolution. "I will be satisfied both ways, as it pleases me. So make yourselves ready for your marriage, under whatever form you choose, and then we shall have our reconciliation banquet." He waved his hand at Pothinus. "Prepare for it. It should be a huge fete, held in--what was that hall with the gold rafters and the porphyry columns?--and serving at least two hundred guests. Do all the things you Alexandrians excel in. Dancing girls. Acrobats. Magic tricks. Gold plate. Rose petals on the floor. You know what better than I. Yes, the people must see that we all embrace and love one another."

They stood as if they had been mummified, as stiff and wrapped as Osiris.

"Well?" said Caesar. "I have told you what you must do."

The mummies bent their heads and withdrew.

I whirled around to Caesar. "How could you? I thought we were allies!" I was intelligent enough not to scream, You even called yourself my husband! You even called yourself my husband! Had he forgotten that? But I knew Caesar did not forget. Had he forgotten that? But I knew Caesar did not forget.

I felt angry, betrayed, seething. I had had only hours to bask in the momentous thing that had happened in the night, and already it was gone. And for what? So I could be made a new sort of prisoner?

Sternly I took myself in hand, one part of my mind speaking to the other. You came from Ashkelon, risking your life to gain an audience with Caesar, I reminded myself. And you succeeded. You had a private interview with him, and he agreed to set you back on the throne and enforce his will on your brother and his band of pathetic advisors. They seemed so wily and formidable, but now that Caesar is here, they are swept aside like schoolboys. They are nothing. I have got what I came for--political security. If I wanted more than that after meeting him, then I was a fool.

Caesar was standing, leaning on the handles of the chair, his head bent. I saw that the top of his head was balding. Amun in the daylight was no G.o.d. And I no G.o.ddess, just a woman who wanted a man in the oldest of all ways, but it was new to me.

"And so we are," he said.

It took me a second to realize what he was answering--my secret cry, as well as my spoken words. "Then make me sole Queen!" I said. "Why must I tolerate him?"

"It is not for long," he said. "But for now it must serve."

"Why?" I cried.

He looked at me, a long, searching look. "Cleopatra--how I love the way that name sounds on my tongue!--you know why. And you know that legalities must be followed, if only to be discarded later."

"So there must be this public reconciliation?" I knew I sounded as pouty as Ptolemy, but I could not help it.

"Yes," he said briskly. " "You and Ptolemy will be proclaimed joint monarchs, the army can be demobilized, Pothinus can be disposed of--" He stopped as if he had just remembered an insignificant fact. "Did I tell you I banished Theodotos? That was his reward from me."

Banished . . . swept away ... in the twinkling of an eye. . . . Yes, he did swat people as I had swatted the fly in my tent. And he did not even get a mess on his shoe. Just a wave of his hand and the person disappeared. Forever.

I laughed out loud with joy.

"Now, that's my Cleopatra!" He crossed the room swiftly and took me in his arms. "And no--Ptolemy will never be your true husband. I am he. As I promised." He kissed me, bending down to reach me. "We are alike, you and I," he said in so low a voice I could barely hear the words. "I know it; I can feel it. At last I have found someone who is exactly like me. I do not think I ever want to part from you. We are two halves of a pomegranate, and each section fits perfectly together."

I clung to him. I believed his words, because I wanted to, and thought I understood their true meaning.

The banquet was in readiness. Pothinus had followed Caesar's orders, and had prepared a feast for all the court dignitaries: the chief scribes and librarians, the state treasurer, the priests of Serapis and Isis, the commander of the Household Guard, the envoys and courtiers, the most celebrated court physicians, poets, rhetoricians, scientists, and scholars. The gold-covered rafters indeed gleamed their distinctive mellow sheen in the lamplight, and the floor was covered in rose petals brought by sea from Cyrene, where the best roses grow. Wherever you stepped, the drowsy sweet scent was released in the crus.h.i.+ng underfoot.

I had gritted my teeth and allowed an abbreviated wedding ceremony to take place in the upper chambers of the palace, on the roof where the sea wind whips in. Ptolemy and I had gone through some words that officially linked us in marriage, in a formula invented by the palace. We were witnessed by Caesar, Pothinus, Arsinoe, and the younger Ptolemy. I mumbled the words, hoping thereby to make them invalid. As soon as it was over, I hurried away to dress myself for the banquet.

Now Caesar could never accuse me of not doing my part, I thought. The loathsome thing is done.

Charmian was still in the palace, waiting faithfully. I had not realized how much I missed her until I saw her familiar face, and heard her humming as she folded silk mantles and tunics in the room that held my wardrobe.

"Your Majesty!" she cried, a thousand questions on her face.

"Charmian! Oh, Charmian!" I said, rus.h.i.+ng toward her.

She continued staring, suppressing a laugh, and then I looked down at the dusty gown I still wore.

"I have had no opportunity to change my escape clothes," I said. "I came by boat yesterday, and gained secret entrance to the palace."

"Everyone knows," she said. "It is said--but oh! how thankful I am that you are here, and safe! The last few months have been dreadful. They have strutted and swaggered all over Alexandria, the happy trio with their puppet, and proclaimed you dead."

"They are no longer a trio, but a duo," I said.

"Caesar has--?" The question hung in the air.

"Banished Theodotos," I said. "He will not trouble us again."

"And you have seen Caesar?" she asked delicately.

"As 'everyone knows,' " I said, quoting her, "I had myself smuggled into his chambers inside a rug."

She burst out laughing. "He must have been shocked!"

"He did not show it," I said. "And now--oh, but it is too long to tell. Later. Now I need to be dressed as a queen, for the banquet that is being staged below. Make me beautiful enough to give a kingdom to."

Make me beautiful enough to love, I meant. But with Caesar, it was always kingdoms and crowns and possessions. Love, if it came at all, must follow only in their wake.

And now I stood at the entrance to the great ceremonial hall, my back against the cool panels of ebony. I was so weighed down with pearls from the Red Sea that I felt enveloped in a glow of moonlight. They were woven skillfully in my hair by Charmian, and draped over my neck, and the largest and most prized of all hung from my ears, swaying whenever I moved my head. I was swathed in Sidonian silk that was almost transparent, and swirled around me like a mist. On my feet were sandals of braided silvered leather. I stood still and breathed deeply, and as I did so I could smell the lotus scent Charmian had rubbed in the bends of my elbows and in the spot on my neck where the vein throbbed. All day long my body had felt different, serving to remind me that what had happened was real--and irreversible.

Musicians, grouped in a corner, gently strummed the strings of their lyres and piped soft melodies on their flutes. The sound echoed against the polished stone walls.

The tramp of boots. Soldiers were coming. The Household Troops, or Caesar's? I watched as uniformed men entered from the entrance on the far side of the hall. I recognized the Roman cloaks and spears.

In the middle of them was Caesar. But he had chosen to wear the costume of a Consul of Rome--a white toga with a broad purple band at the hem-- rather than that of a general. He must have just spent time with the barber, for his face was s.h.i.+ny and freshly shaven, and his hair trimmed. To me he was as stunning as Apollo, though I could see he was not young, not large, and weighted down by the world he carried with him.

Let me help you carry it, I thought suddenly. it, I thought suddenly. It is too heavy for one man. It is too heavy for one man.

They approached me, and Caesar stepped forward. I saw him staring at me, and knew that in his eyes I must appear transformed, an altogether different creature from the dispossessed one he had met in secret.

He held out his hand and I took it, wordlessly. Together we walked to the large ceremonial table, made from a section of the trunk of an enormous tree from the Atlas Mountains, and balanced on elephant tusks. He did not look at me all the while, but I could feel his attention. Finally he leaned toward me and whispered, his breath moving one of my earrings, "This has been a very long day, and I feel I have met you over and over again, in guise after guise. Which is real?"

I turned my head, not lowering it but moving it most royally. "And I have seen many Caesars," I said. "Which of those is real?"

"After the banquet you will know," he said. "And then after that, you will know yet more." His keen, dark eyes appraised me. "Child of Venus," he said. "You are fair!"

"Are you not also the child of Venus?" Supposedly Caesar's family was descended from Venus on his mother's side.

"Yes. As I told you, we are alike, both having that G.o.ddess's nature." His breath was warm on my ear.

Just then Pothinus approached, walking slowly toward his a.s.signed place, his stiff linen robes refusing to accommodate themselves to his fat body. He looked like an exercise in papyrus folding. He had greased his ringlets and wore enormous, boxy earrings that stretched his earlobes painfully.

Behind him came Ptolemy, dressed as an ancient Pharaoh. And behind them, making a slow and stately entrance from the far end of the hall, came Arsinoe and young Ptolemy.

All heads turned to gaze at Arsinoe, at her graceful, almost undulating walk, and her s.h.i.+mmering silken gown. Her dark hair was swept up on her head, in the old Grecian style, and Helen of Troy could not have been more beautiful.

I watched Caesar staring at her. His eyes had widened, and although he did not move at all, I sensed his alertness. They had been together in the palace, Caesar and eighteen-year-old Arsinoe, for at least two weeks before my arrival. What had happened between them? The fact that neither betrayed any recognition of the other meant nothing. Arsinoe was beautiful in a way that ate at one's insides with either desire or envy, and Caesar ... I knew his nature now.

She was taking her place on the royal couch, smiling with her smooth, tinted lips. Her bright blue eyes were drinking in Caesar, then fluttering in a most obvious manner, almost a parody of flirting. I hated her.

Caesar gave the welcome after the hall had filled with the hastily invited, and puzzled, guests. I also addressed them, and Ptolemy put in a few high-pitched words. Then Caesar rose again, and cried, "Let us all wear the garlands of gladness and celebration, for now we proclaim that all is peaceful once again in the land! Queen Cleopatra and King Ptolemy have consented to live in harmony and to rule as one!"

He lifted high a garland of lotus, cornflowers, and roses, and draped it around his neck. "Rejoice with them!" I was deeply grateful that he did not proclaim the "marriage." I sensed he would do that only if absolutely pressed to make further concessions.

Servants scurried around the hall, trays piled high with fragrant garlands, pa.s.sing them to all the guests. The scent of flowers against warm skins soon rose in the room.

Next, Caesar lifted a jeweled cup and filled it from a pitcher of Falernian wine. "Drink!" he ordered them. "Drink and rejoice!"

He put the cup to his lips, but I did not see his throat move in drinking it. He set the cup down, then motioned for the servers to come forward with the crystal bowls and scented water to wash our hands before eating.

Then he abruptly held up his hands. "One thing further! I wish to announce that, as a gesture of friends.h.i.+p, Rome restores Cyprus to the house of Ptolemy. It will be governed by Princess Arsinoe and Prince Ptolemy." He nodded to them, and they slowly rose. The people cheered, astounded, and the recipients of the honor looked just as astonished. So this was one of Caesar's surprise strikes; this was the way he operated, both on and off the battlefield.

He looked over at me, and only in the slight change in his eyes and the lines around his mouth could I read his message: I told you you would know me better after the banquet. I told you you would know me better after the banquet.

"Can Caesar give away Roman territory on his own authority?" I asked coolly.

"Yes," he answered. "Does it please you?"

"Should it? You did not give it to me."

"I gave it for for you, for your protection. And as a pledge from me." you, for your protection. And as a pledge from me."

My heart was beating so fast I dared not continue speaking. It was true; Caesar had made a bold and shocking gesture, one sure to antagonize the Senate of Rome.

The meal commenced. There was course after course, and I could not but admire the ability of our royal cooks to have produced such lavish fare on short notice. In addition to the usual roasted oxen, kid, and duck, we were offered purple sh.e.l.lfish, sea nettles, fish pastries, honey from Attica, and nuts from Pontus.

But Caesar ate little, and drank nothing from his wine goblet, preferring well water flavored with rose petals instead.

"You do not drink," I said, nodding toward his goblet.

"In my youth I drank enough for the rest of my life," he said. "Now I find it incites dizziness and causes strange symptoms in me. So I do not court Bacchus."

"You eat little, as well," I commented. "Does food, too, incite strange symptoms?"

"You seem very interested in watching everything I do," he said. "Have you, perhaps, added something to this food which you are anxious to see me eat?" Only the rising inflection at the end of the sentence a.s.sured me he was not serious.

"You are most suspicious," I said, spearing a piece of food off his plate and eating it. "Let me lay your fears to rest." Pothinus frowned at the lack of etiquette, but Caesar laughed--almost.

When the pomegranates were pa.s.sed around with platters of fruit, Caesar took a large one and slowly cut it in half, pulling it apart while its center ran with bright red, acidic juice.

"You see how all the seeds fit," he said. "But pulling it apart causes it injury." He handed me the other half, watching my face intently.

I took the fruit and looked at its center, at the places where it had been wrenched open. "It should never be split away from itself like this." I indicated my stained hands, and anyone listening would have a.s.sumed we spoke only of that particular pomegranate. He smiled.

At the conclusion of the meal, when all the dishes had been removed, the acrobats tumbled into the hall, their oiled bodies flas.h.i.+ng and their movements so swift the eye could hardly follow them.

"I have watched snakes strike," Caesar said, "but I never knew human beings could move like that."

Next came Nubian dancers, tall, thin, and muscular, who performed intricate dances to the high, wild beat of drums and hand-clapping.

The sound of their frantic music drowned out all other sounds, and I did not see Caesar motion to his guards. I did see Pothinus look up and suddenly leave his couch. But the loud performance made it impossible for me to ask what had happened. By the time the music had finally ended, Caesar was looking impatient and chewing on a stick of cardamom pastry.

"Where is Pothinus?" I asked.

Arsinoe and Ptolemy were also stirring nervously in their places.

"By this time, beheaded, most like."

"What?"

"Let us step outside!" said Caesar, grabbing my wrist in a grip as powerful as a lion's jaw. He managed to pull me to my feet in a way that made it seem I was rising of my own accord. He guided me toward the small door that opened between two pillars on the balconied side of the hall.

The brisk air outside smacked my face after the overheated, highly scented air of the hall. The wind was rising, whipping up whitecaps in the harbor.

"Around here," said Caesar, pulling me around the corner.

As I rounded it, I saw Pothinus--or what was left of him--lying sprawled across three steps. His head--if he had still had a head--would have been pointing downward. As it was, all the blood from his severed neck streamed in one direction down the white marble steps. Standing over him, holding the oiled, ringletted head with its swinging earrings, was a Roman soldier. His sword, or rather the middle part of it, was covered in globs of blood.

"Pompey, now you are avenged," said Caesar. "Take away this carrion," he ordered the soldier.

I was speechless. I could only stare at the corpse and then back again at Caesar, standing so calmly aside.

"Now I have seen a snake strike," I finally whispered.

"No, now you have seen a snake prevented from striking," said Caesar. "This afternoon my barber told me of Pothinus's plot to have me killed tonight. My trusted barber is one of those timid men with a hundred ears. And so ..." He shrugged and indicated the bloodstained steps. "The snake has been killed halfway through its coiling."

"Halfway? He was only eating his dinner!" Somehow the thought of being butchered on a full stomach of sea pastry and roast ox was macabre.

"No, he had already performed half of his treachery," said Caesar. "He had sent word to Achillas to bring the army and besiege us here. While he was reconciling you and Ptolemy, bowing and kissing your hand, he was sending for the troops that would put an end to us both."

Now I felt sick. Was my only safety to lie with Caesar, who somehow-- so far--managed to think faster, strike quicker, and thrust deadlier than those around him? But even Caesar must rest sometime, must nod and relax. . . .

I burst into tears. It was the only release besides screaming, and I did not want people to come running out from the banquet hall.

He put his arm around me and led me away. "We cannot return to the banquet. Even I cannot pretend that nothing has happened."