The Memoirs of Cleopatra
Chapter 50 : Standing a little distance behind them was a dark, handsome face. Epaphroditus! I was s

Standing a little distance behind them was a dark, handsome face. Epaphroditus! I was shocked to see him there, as if his primary business were here now, instead of in a warehouse on the docks.

"Welcome home, Your Majesty," he said, stepping forward.

"I am pleased to see you," I said. And I was; when had he decided that palace business was not beneath him?

Inside the palace, the familiar drained away, and I was seeing it all anew. The many small changes in it, the kind we make . In the course of everyday living, rendered it foreign. Was this corridor always so dark? Were there always torch holders here?

Was this how a dead person would feel if he came back to his own home a little while after his death? I felt like my own ghost, walking those corridors again.

Caesar s house ... house ... the room that had been mine, had been ours . . . would it already be changed, alien to him? This table gone, fresh paint on the west wall, the mosaic moved . . . Cleopatra the room that had been mine, had been ours . . . would it already be changed, alien to him? This table gone, fresh paint on the west wall, the mosaic moved . . . Cleopatra gone.... gone....

Stop, I told myself. Stop, stop. Picture that room no more.

I was standing in my own old room, the filmy curtains stirring with the harbor air, the blue-tinted, diffuse light filling the chamber. It was pristine, as only a place can be where no one lives. Without human beings, things remain untainted and perfect, stretching on into eternity without a wrinkle, until nature puts an end to them with an earthquake or fire. And then it is a clean, blameless end.

I shook my head. What disturbing visions I was having! "Dear Iras," I said, to break the spell, "have you received any letters from me since the winter?" If she had, then that s.h.i.+p had beaten ours, and we had sailed almost as soon as the seas permitted it.

"No, my lady," she said.

"Then you will read it when the news is old. Is not a letter that arrives after its author a peculiar thing?"

"Not as peculiar as a letter that arrives from a dead person."

Caesar! "Have you had word--" I began, then brought myself up short. How absurd. He would not have written me in Alexandria, when I was by his side in Rome. Was I going mad? "--from anyone in that state?" I attempted to make a joke out of it.

"No, my lady/' she said gently. From the look in her eyes, I knew she guessed what I had thought. "Perhaps you would like to rest now."

The bed did look inviting. The horror of Rome, the long sea voyage, my pregnancy--all had drained me, until I was in the weakened state that could long for a bed in the daytime. But I must not begin that way; I must not present such a picture of myself at this crucial time. "Of course not!" I said lightly, my limbs aching. "What sort of person would sleep at noon?"

"Any person who needs to," she said pointedly. "But, my lady, what would you have told me in this letter--this letter you have outraced?"

I could not bear to repeat the news over and over. "I will tell it once, and wait until everyone is gathered to hear it," I said. "For I need to know what news has reached Alexandria, as well."

The remainder of the day I spent reacquainting myself with my own palace, lingering over the views from the upper windows opening out onto the sparkling harbor, running my hands over the marble inlays on the walls, standing in my workroom where the shelves were laden with bra.s.s-bound boxes containing old correspondence, copies of decrees, inventories of furnis.h.i.+ngs, and summaries of tax and census rolls. Even though the full archives were elsewhere, a precis of the kingdom's business was here.

My ministers had kept me as well appraised of events in Egypt as was possible, but the long delays in communication meant that I would have to spend several days studying summaries and catching up. I was devoutly thankful that harvests had been good and no catastrophes had happened while I was away.

Perhaps, while I was with him, some of Caesar's luck had accrued to me as well.

I had called a meeting for twilight--hoping I could endure until that hour. This day, beginning with my early rising to see Alexandria, would be extraordinarily long. A bath and a change of costume helped; I was happy to use my deep . Marble tub again. Floating in the scented water, I looked out on yet more water in the harbor below me. The tub was positioned behind an ivory screen, between the bedchamber and the rooftop garden. Even though it was poised just above the sea, the palace used pure rainwater for its. baths and was.h.i.+ng, and for this deep tub it was first heated and then cooled slightly, with perfumed oil added to it. I saw the soft sheen of the oil on the surface of the water, making little iridescent ripples, soothing balm for the senses. It seemed preposterous that such comfort, such innocent luxury, could offer itself side by side with a world of violence and death--and still have the power to please us. At bottom, we are appallingly simple creatures.

I was dressed in clothes I had left behind and almost forgotten, which made them new again. I put on gold jewelry in the Greek style, earrings and necklace, but kept on the pendant Caesar had given me. It must learn to be a friend to all my other necklaces, for it would keep company with them from now on.

We met in the room used for private dining; this enabled me to stretch out on a couch. I arranged myself before anyone else arrived, covering my feet with the hem of my gown. There would be no food--I did not wish to call attention to myself by whether I did or did not eat.

First to enter,the chamber was Mardian, his ever-more-ample frame draped in a gold-fringed tunic. He smiled and saluted me. "A meeting on the very first day!" He bowed. "I brought all the records--"

"Oh, I don't propose to look at records tonight," I a.s.sured him. "That's much too specific. I merely wanted to speak with you about what has happened in both Rome and Egypt since our last communication."

Epaphroditus appeared in the doorway, resplendently dressed, as I had come to expect. He had looked so darkly handsome in crimson; now he looked equally forceful in a deep blue robe.

Others arrived: Allienus, commander of the four legions guarding the city (Caesar had lately added another); the overseer of the tax collectors; the head customs official; the guardian of the state treasury; the chief priest of Serapis; the inspector of ca.n.a.ls and irrigation. And, of course, several scribes.

One by one they formally greeted me, going through all the set phrases, but I could tell by their expressions and the tone of their voices that they were genuinely happy I had returned.

"I am blessed to be able to return so safely," I said. "And blessed to find that you have taken such care of the kingdom while I was away, have guarded and nurtured her so well." I looked around at all of them. Time to begin, and to begin with the event that loomed over all others. "You have heard about--what has happened in Rome?"

"Indeed," said Mardian. "The whole world has . Heard of it. I expect that even the Kandake in faraway Nubia has heard of it--nay, even in India. The tallest cedar has fallen, and the sound has shaken the world."

"I--I was not there," I said, fighting to keep my voice steady. "But I was told immediately afterward, and it was I who conveyed him to his home and gave him into the hands of--of his wife, Calpurnia." I paused. All eyes were fastened on me. I should tell it now, all at once, rather than responding to questions. "I was there at the funeral, when he was--was cremated on the bier. I saw the crowd turn frenzied, and behave as if they wished to elevate Caesar to the state of a G.o.d."

And what afterward? I remembered the blazing fire, the wild shouts, the dark night--but after that, nothing, until I found myself on the s.h.i.+p, But they must not know that; it would cause them to doubt my strength and sanity. "As for afterward--what have you heard?"

"That Antony, as Consul, has taken his place as head of the government," said Mardian. "The a.s.sa.s.sins are very unpopular in Rome, and have failed to keep control. They will probably leave soon, for their own safety."

"And what of Octavian?" I asked. Had he received the news yet?

"The young Caesar--for so he wants to be called now--left Apollonia immediately to claim his inheritance;' said Mardian, "He should be in Rome by now."

So he was wading into that nest of confusion and danger! I was surprised; I would have expected him to wait and see what developed first. "The young Caesar?"

"Why, yes, that is now his name--Gaius Julius Caesar. Gaius Julius Caesar Octavia.n.u.s."

That name! That name could belong to only one person! This was a travesty! Before I could say anything, General Allienus spoke up.

"The legions have hailed him as Caesar," he said. "Not all of them, of course, but a surprising number. There is magic in that name, and they want their old commander back." He paused. "As do we all," he added dutifully.

"Antony had best come to terms with him," said Mardian. "He will have to share the power with him. But we know nothing more than this."

This was unexpected. Shocks kept spreading out from Rome.

"We must look to our own safety," I said. "Egypt had just been recognized as Friend and Ally of the Roman People, which meant that we were guaranteed independence and security. But now--the whole world is unstable."

"My legions remain as Caesar positioned them," said Allienus. "They will protect Egypt from predators."

How farsighted of Caesar to have stationed them here! I was deeply grateful.

"So we will wait together," I said, "and keep Alexandria well. But what of the rest of the country? Perhaps we should raise more troops to strengthen the line of defense up and down the Nile, as well as east to west along the coast."

"If we can afford it," said Mardian.

"What is the present situation of the state treasury?" I asked the guardian of it.

"Recovering, slowly. It will take years to recoup the losses to Rabirius, and repair the war damage to the city. But as long as there are not other extraordinary expenses, we will first survive, then live well, and finally be rich," he said. "And of course, Egypt always has her food, and that in itself makes her rich. She can feed not only herself, but others if need be."

I hoped we would not have to feed anyone but ourselves, or customers who could pay, and pay well.

I turned to the chief official of the waterways. "What of the irrigation ca.n.a.ls? And the reservoir basins?"

"They are in reasonable condition," he said. "The Niles of the past two years have been adequate, and that has allowed us to do maintenance work on the irrigation system--water neither too high nor too low. But there has been some silting of late. It needs to be addressed."

"It is all related--the crops cannot grow without adequate irrigation, and without the money from the crops, we cannot dredge to improve irrigation. What of the taxes?"

"Import tax has been collected as usual," said the customs head.

"Profits are up," added Epaphroditus. "Suddenly there seems to be a craze for olive oil. I don't know what people are doing with it--bathing in it?"

"What do we care, as long as they are paying the fifty-percent import tax?" said the tax collector.

"True," said Mardian. "People seem to demand the best nowadays. Earlier they were content with linseed oil; now it must be olive or nothing. Well, why complain?"

"Am I complaining?" said the tax commissioner. "Not I!"

"The great festivals of Serapis and the pilgrimages to Isis have attracted large crowds and many pilgrims during the past two seasons," said the priest, speaking suddenly. He had been so silent I had forgotten he was there. "Perhaps it betokens something."

"People are searching, tired of this present world," said Epaphroditus. "Religion everywhere seems to be attracting converts. The mysteries, the Isis devotions, Mithras--all the eastern rites--seem to be especially popular."

"But not Judaism," said Mardian. "Your laws and rules are too exclusive. You make it too hard to join you."

"That is the idea," said Epaphroditus. "We don't want to become too popular. When things become too big, too successful, then they change into something else."

"Like the Romans?" said the high priest sharply. "When they were just a city, they were supposedly high-minded and self-controlled. Now look at them--now that they own most of the known world!"

"Yes, our G.o.d foresaw that pitfall," said Epaphroditus. "He said, 'Beware that thou forget not the Lord thy G.o.d--lest when thou hast eaten and art full, and hast built goodly houses, and dwelt therein; and when thy herds and thy flocks multiply, and thy silver and thy gold is multiplied, arid all that thou hast is multiplied; then thine heart be lifted up, and thou forget the Lord thy G.o.d, and thou say in thine heart, My power and the wealth of mine hand hath gotten me this wealth. And it shall be, if thou do at all forget the Lord thy G.o.d, I testify against you this day that ye shall surely perish.' "

"No'wonder you don't attract many converts," said the priest of Serapis. "Now our G.o.d is much more realistic about man's frailties. And of course, Isis is the supreme compa.s.sionate one."

"We await a Messiah who will complete our G.o.d's intentions," said Epaphroditus.

"Oh, everyone is expecting a deliverer--a golden child," said Mardian breezily. "I made a list of them all, once. There's a whole range of them. Some even think the deliverer will be a woman. And come from the east. I think the truth is, we all know there has to be something better; we are good enough to perceive it, but not good enough to bring it about. So we think, 'If only this mysterious person would come and help help us ... " He shrugged his rounded shoulders, and the tunic fringe swayed. "But in the meantime we must soldier on." us ... " He shrugged his rounded shoulders, and the tunic fringe swayed. "But in the meantime we must soldier on."

"I think you have soldiered on splendidly in my absence/' I said. "All of you are to be commended; no ruler ever was served by better ministers." I would have to see to it that they were given some sort of public award.

Suddenly I was so tired I could hardly hold up my head. Egypt was well; I had found out all I needed to know.

Chapter 36.

The fresh air of the harbor poured into my chamber the next morning, and the reflected light played over the walls. I awoke slowly, feeling as if I were submerged on a sea-bed, as I had been dreaming I was. Long strands of seaweed had tangled themselves around my legs, and were streaming out behind me; my hair was waving slowly, caught in branches of coral. As I awoke, I ran my hands through my hair to free it, and then wondered why it was not tangled. What a strange, realistic dream it had been.

I stretched. I felt the fine, polished linen sheets--sheerer than anything in Rome--wrapped around me. I felt somewhat better; the night had done its restorative work.

gave directions to Charmian and Iras to unpack the coffers and trunks, and sent for Olympos. I needed to see him, both for myself and for Ptolemy. Ptolemy had kept his cough, and been sick much of the voyage--the two of us had surely taxed our attendants during that journey. Yesterday Ptolemy had busied himself out in the gardens, but he seemed subdued to me. Perhaps he was just tired. That was what I hoped Olympos would tell me.

But when Olympos stepped into my chamber, after having first spent the morning with Ptolemy, his attempt to smile was unconvincing.

"Dear one," he began, and I knew it was bad.

"What is it?" I asked him. I could not bear to lead up to it. "What is wrong with him?"

"I listened to his chest, and had him cough up some congestion for me, and examined it. I also examined his spine, his joints, and looked carefully at his color. I did not like what I saw."

"What did did you see?" Let him say it! you see?" Let him say it!

"It is the lung rot," he said. "Consumption."

It was Rome that had done it! Rome, with its cold, its frosts, its damp.

"It occurs elsewhere than in Rome," said Olympos, as if he had read my thoughts. "Egypt has many cases of lung rot."

"Rome did not help it."

"Perhaps not. But he is back here now. People come to Egypt for a cure."

"Do you think he can throw it off?"

"I don't know," he said. "If you were any other ruler, and not a childhood friend, and if I were another type of court servant, I would a.s.sure you, 'Yes, yes, Your Majesty, I see a full recovery for him.' But you are Cleopatra and I Olympos, and I must tell you honestly--he is in great danger."

"Oh!" I could not lose someone else. Not Ptolemy. "I see."

"There is nothing we can do. Nothing, except make sure he is kept warm, gets plenty of suns.h.i.+ne, lots of rest, and spends time outdoors. Then we must wait. In autumn we may have to send him to Upper Egypt, where it stays warm and sunny."

I bent my head. To send him away again, when he had been so anxious to return home. "So be it," I said. I looked up at him, and saw that he was staring at me intensely. "What is it?"

"You are different," he finally said.

"How so?"

"Thinner," he said. "Something has been burned out of you. If you were gold, I would say you had been refined. It is most becoming. You are finally, truly, beautiful." He attempted a laugh. "A useful attribute in a queen."

"I am with child," I told him.

"I guessed," he said. "But I do not need to be a soothsayer to see that this is very difficult for you. Both in the heart and in the body."

"I do not feel well at all."

"Are you surprised? Why should you? The situation is dreadful. Caesar dead, not just dead but murdered, a.s.sa.s.sinated; your patron and protector gone; a child with no one to claim him."

"I shall claim him."

"And no story to tell your people. Amun has inconveniently disappeared, at least in his human manifestation."