The Book of Humorous Verse
Chapter 22 : The drugs I've drunk you'd weep to hear!They've quite enriched the fair

The drugs I've drunk you'd weep to hear!

They've quite enriched the fair concocter, And I'm a ruined man, I fear, Unless--I wed the Doctor!

_Samuel Minturn Peck._

A SKETCH FROM THE LIFE

Its eyes are gray; Its hair is either brown Or black; And, strange to say, Its dresses b.u.t.ton down The back!

It wears a plume That loves to frisk around My ear.

It crowds the room With cus.h.i.+ons in a mound And queer

Old rugs and lamps In corners a la Turque And things.

It steals my stamps, And when I want to work It sings!

It rides and skates-- But then it comes and fills My walls With plaques and plates And keeps me paying bills And calls.

It's firm; and if I should my many woes Deplore, 'Twould only sniff And perk its little nose Some more.

It's bright, though small; Its name, you may have guessed, Is "Wife."

But, after all, It gives a wondrous zest To life!

_Arthur Guiterman._

MINGUILLO'S KISS

Since for kissing thee, Minguillo, Mother's ever scolding me, Give me swiftly back, thou dear one, Give the kiss I gave to thee.

Give me back the kiss--that one, now; Let my mother scold no more; Let us tell her all is o'er: What was done is all undone now.

Yes, it will be wise, Minguillo, My fond kiss to give to me; Give me swiftly back, thou dear one, Give the kiss I gave to thee.

Give me back the kiss, for mother Is impatient--prithee, do!

For that one thou shalt have two: Give me that, and take another.

Yes, then will they be contented, Then can't they complain of me; Give me swiftly back, thou dear one, Give the kiss I gave to thee.

_Unknown._

A KISS IN THE RAIN

One stormy morn I chanced to meet A la.s.sie in the town; Her locks were like the ripened wheat, Her laughing eyes were brown.

I watched her as she tripped along Till madness filled my brain, And then--and then--I know 'twas wrong-- I kissed her in the rain!

With rain-drops s.h.i.+ning on her cheek, Like dew-drops on a rose, The little la.s.sie strove to speak My boldness to oppose; She strove in vain, and quivering Her fingers stole in mine; And then the birds began to sing, The sun began to s.h.i.+ne.

Oh, let the clouds grow dark above, My heart is light below; 'Tis always summer when we love, However winds may blow; And I'm as proud as any prince, All honors I disdain: She says I am her _rain beau_ since I kissed her in the rain.

_Samuel Minturn Peck._

THE LOVE-KNOT

Tying her bonnet under her chin, She tied her raven ringlets in; But, not alone in the silken snare Did she catch her lovely floating hair, For, tying her bonnet under her chin, She tied a young man's heart within.

They were strolling together up the hill, Where the wind comes blowing merry and chill; And it blew the curls, a frolicsome race, All over the happy peach-coloured face, Till, scolding and laughing, she tied them in, Under her beautiful dimpled chin.

And it blew a colour bright as the bloom Of the pinkest fuchsia's tossing plume, All over the cheeks of the prettiest girl That ever imprisoned a romping curl, Or, in tying her bonnet under her chin, Tied a young man's heart within.

Steeper and steeper grew the hill-- Madder, merrier, chillier still-- The western wind blew down and played The wildest tricks with the little maid, As, tying her bonnet under her chin, She tied a young man's heart within.

Oh, western wind, do you think it was fair To play such tricks with her floating hair?-- To gladly, gleefully do your best To blow her against the young man's breast, Where he as gladly folded her in, And kissed her mouth and dimpled chin?

Oh, Ellery Vane! you little thought An hour ago, when you besought This country la.s.s to walk with you, After the sun had dried the dew, What perilous danger you'd be in As she tied her bonnet under her chin.

_Nora Perry._

OVER THE WAY

Over the way, over the way, I've seen a head that's fair and gray; I've seen kind eyes not new to tears, A form of grace, though full of years-- Her fifty summers have left no flaw-- And I, a youth of twenty-three, So love this lady, fair to see, I want her for my mother-in-law!

Over the way, over the way, I've seen her with the children play; I've seen her with a royal grace Before the mirror adjust her lace; A kinder woman none ever saw; G.o.d bless and cheer her onward path, And bless all treasures that she hath, And let her be my mother-in-law!

Over the way, over the way, I think I'll venture, dear, some day (If you will lend a helping hand, And sanctify the scheme I've planned); I'll kneel in loving, reverent awe Down at the lady's feet, and say: "I've loved your daughter many a day-- Please won't you be my mother-in-law?"

_Mary Mapes Dodge._

CHORUS OF WOMEN

FROM THE "THESMOPHORIAZUSae."