The Book of Humorous Verse
Chapter 185 : "If seven maids with seven mops Swept it for half a year, Do you suppose," t

"If seven maids with seven mops Swept it for half a year, Do you suppose," the Walrus said, "That they could get it clear?"

"I doubt it," said the Carpenter, And shed a bitter tear.

"O Oysters come and walk with us!"

The Walrus did beseech.

"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, Along the briny beach: We cannot do with more than four, To give a hand to each."

The eldest Oyster looked at him, But not a word he said: The eldest Oyster winked his eye, And shook his heavy head-- Meaning to say he did not choose To leave the oyster-bed.

But four young Oysters hurried up, All eager for the treat: Their coats were brushed, their faces washed, Their shoes were clean and neat-- And this was odd, because, you know, They hadn't any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them, And yet another four; And thick and fast they came at last, And more, and more, and more-- All hopping through the frothy waves, And scrambling to the sh.o.r.e.

The Walrus and the Carpenter Walked on a mile or so, And then they rested on a rock, Conveniently low: And all the little Oysters stood And waited in a row.

"The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of many things: Of shoes--and s.h.i.+ps--and sealing-wax-- Of cabbages--and kings-- And why the sea is boiling hot-- And whether pigs have wings."

"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried, "Before we have our chat; For some of us are out of breath, And all of us are fat!"

"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.

They thanked him much for that.

"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said, "Is what we chiefly need; Pepper and vinegar besides Are very good indeed-- Now, if you're ready, Oysters dear, We can begin to feed."

"But not on us," the Oysters cried, Turning a little blue.

"After such kindness that would be A dismal thing to do!"

"The night is fine," the Walrus said, "Do you admire the view?"

"It was so kind of you to come, And you are very nice!"

The Carpenter said nothing but, "Cut us another slice.

I wish you were not quite so deaf-- I've had to ask you twice!"

"It seems a shame," the Walrus said, "To play them such a trick.

After we've brought them out so far And made them trot so quick!"

The Carpenter said nothing but, "The b.u.t.ter's spread too thick!"

"I weep for you," the Walrus said, "I deeply sympathize."

With sobs and tears he sorted out Those of the largest size, Holding his pocket-handkerchief Before his streaming eyes.

"O Oysters," said the Carpenter, "You've had a pleasant run!

Shall we be trotting home again?"

But answer came there none-- And this was scarcely odd, because They'd eaten every one.

_Lewis Carroll._

NIRVANA

I am A Clam!

Come learn of me Unclouded peace and calm content, Serene, supreme tranquillity, Where thoughtless dreams and dreamless thoughts are blent.

When the salt tide is rising to the flood, In billows blue my placid pulp I lave; And when it ebbs I slumber in the mud, Content alike with ooze or crystal wave.

I do not shudder when in chowder stewed, Nor when the Coney Islander engulfs me raw.

When in the church soup's dreary solitude Alone I wander, do I shudder? Naw!

If jarring tempests beat upon my bed, Or summer peace there be, I do not care: as I have said, All's one to me; A Clam I am.

_Unknown._

THE CATFISH

The saddest fish that swims the briny ocean, The Catfish I bewail.

I cannot even think without emotion Of his distressful tail.

When with my pencil once I tried to draw one, (I dare not show it here) Mayhap it is because I never saw one, The picture looked so queer.

I vision him half feline and half fishy, A paradox in twins, Unmixable as vitriol and vichy-- A thing of fur and fins.

A feline Tantalus, forever chasing His fishy self to rend; His finny self forever self-effacing In circles without end.

This tale may have a Moral running through it As aesop had in his; If so, dear reader, you are welcome to it, If you know what it is!

_Oliver Herford._

WAR RELIEF

"Can you spare a Threepenny bit, Dear Miss Turkey," said Sir Mouse, "For Job's Turkey's benefit?

I've engaged the Opera House!"

"Alas! I've naught to spare!"

Said Miss Turkey, "save advice, I am getting up a Fair, To relieve the Poor Church Mice."

_Oliver Herford._

THE OWL AND THE p.u.s.s.y-CAT

The Owl and the p.u.s.s.y-Cat went to sea In a beautiful pea-green boat: They took some honey, and plenty of money Wrapped up in a five-pound note.

The Owl looked up to the stars above, And sang to a small guitar, "Oh, lovely p.u.s.s.y, oh, p.u.s.s.y, my love, What a beautiful p.u.s.s.y you are, You are, You are!