The Book of Humorous Verse
Chapter 195 : THE PURPLE COW I never saw a Purple Cow, I never hope to see one; But I can tell you,

THE PURPLE COW

I never saw a Purple Cow, I never hope to see one; But I can tell you, anyhow, I'd rather see than be one.

_Gelett Burgess._

THE YOUNG LADY OF NIGER

There was a young lady of Niger Who smiled as she rode on a Tiger; They came back from the ride With the lady inside, And the smile on the face of the Tiger.

_Unknown._

THE LAUGHING WILLOW

To see the Kaiser's epitaph Would make a weeping willow laugh.

_Oliver Herford._

SAID OPIE READ

Said Opie Read to E. P. Roe, "How do you like Gaboriau?"

"I like him very much indeed!"

Said E. P. Roe to Opie Read.

_Julian Street_ and _James Montgomery Flagg._

MANILA

Oh, dewy was the morning, upon the first of May, And Dewey was the admiral, down in Manila Bay; And dewy were the Regent's eyes, them royal orbs of blue, And do we feel discouraged? We do not think we do!

_Eugene F. Ware._

ON THE ARISTOCRACY OF HARVARD

I come from good old Boston, The home of the bean and the cod; Where the Cabots speak only to Lowells, And the Lowells speak only to G.o.d!

_Dr. Samuel G. Bushnell._

ON THE DEMOCRACY OF YALE

Here's to the town of New Haven, The home of the truth and the light; Where G.o.d speaks to Jones in the very same tones, That he uses with Hadley and Dwight!

_Dean Jones._

THE HERRING

"The Herring he loves the merry moonlight And the Mackerel loves the wind, But the Oyster loves the dredging song For he comes of a gentler kind."

_Sir Walter Scott._

IF THE MAN

If the man who turnips cries, Cry not when his father dies, 'Tis a proof that he had rather Have a turnip than his father.

_Samuel Johnson._

THE KILKENNY CATS

There wanst was two cats of Kilkenny, Each thought there was one cat too many, So they quarrell'd and fit, They scratch'd and they bit, Till, barrin' their nails, And the tips of their tails, Instead of two cats, there warnt any.