Villa Eden
Chapter 50 : HELPING ONE'S SELF, OR BEING HELPED.Eric turned homewards, like a man, who, coming

HELPING ONE'S SELF, OR BEING HELPED.

Eric turned homewards, like a man, who, coming out of a saloon illuminated with dazzling brilliancy, to his study where burns a solitary lamp, involuntarily rubs his eyes, which having become accustomed to the greater degree of brightness, require it, and are unable without it to see so clearly and distinctly as before.

The peril of wealth lies in the fact that it may ruin not only the possessor, but the non-possessor. Language has not completely covered the whole case, when it calls this dissatisfaction and unrest of soul, envy, grudging, churlishness; it is not this at all, it is rather the severe torment of the unanswered question, Why art thou not as rich?

No, this thou dost not desire; but why art thou not, at least, placed out of the reach of anxious care? The struggles of human life are hard enough, why must thou have, in addition, this wrestling with sordid want?

The most cruel suffering which the perception of riches inflicts upon the non-possessor is, that it produces in him an unwillingness to work, a supineness, a consciousness of servitude, and yet worse, that it makes all effort appear questionable. What avails all thy contriving, thy aspiration, all thy superstructure of great thoughts, so long as there are human beings near thee, inhabiting with thee the same earth, and peris.h.i.+ng with starvation!

The ant in the pathway is better taken care of, for there are no ants who are glutted, while others near by are hungry. What is all labor, so long as this monster still stalks in the midst of us! Has that world-wisdom, has that religious doctrine, the victorious power of truth, if it cannot annihilate this monster?

Eric shut his eyes, and dreamed in broad daylight that disturbed dream of our age, which attends the clatter of the locomotive. The locomotive rushed along with rapid piston-beat, making a strange accompaniment to the meditation of the silent pa.s.senger. He had his eyes closed, and yet he now perceived that they were pa.s.sing through a tunnel. And as such a plunge into the darkness of earth suddenly interrupts all conversation, so does it break off the thread of silent thought.

When they emerged into the light again, the current of Eric's thoughts became changed. A smile came over his countenance, which looked as if he were asleep, as the thought occurred to him that a rich vein was opened for a treatise upon the theoretical and practical treatment of poverty, philosophically, religiously, politically, and morally, in ancient times. The bitterness of the feeling of poverty was thereby lessened and removed, for poverty itself came into the realm of science. And his meditation proceeded farther; for to the historical view of poverty there was added a consideration of its essential nature. Man alone can be poor and rich. The whole world of human society is a linked chain of inquiring glances, as if each would say to the other, "Thou hast what I have not."

In external nature, no creature looks to another differently const.i.tuted, no created thing troubles itself about another; each bird in the wood has its own range for procuring food for its young, and no other one of the same species builds its nest within that circuit, obliging it to struggle for insects and grubs to feed its brood. The animals of a like species, of like characteristics, of like means of defence and attack, alone live together in one herd, but they have no union. Man alone comes into a union with beings of a like species, those who, endowed by nature with the same faculties, are furnished by destiny with greater force than he himself possesses.

The clattering continued without interruption, the locomotive whistled, and the thought took hold of Eric's soul, that the grandest idea which humanity has ever revealed out of the mouth of an individual has been this: "No one is poor and no one rich, when we direct the thought to the Eternal. The Fatherhood of G.o.d bridges over the abyss."

The wheels upon the iron rails went on beating time, and gave a new rhythm to Eric's thought, who now opened his eyes, saying to himself,--

"So it is! The children of G.o.d are borne along in the first, second, and third cla.s.s railway carriages by the same power, the power of steam, whether they sit upon soft or hard benches; it makes no difference."

People got in, people got out; Eric took no notice of them, and they did not disturb his meditation. He quietly smiled upon all, and saw them as in a dream, wholly forgetful of himself, as one looks upon the movement hither and thither in an ant-hill, where each may carry its pine-needle, its little seed-grain.

Eric first waked up when his ticket was called for, as they approached the university-town, and then he roused himself as if he had just come out of a deep, dream-disturbed sleep; he composed himself ready to greet his mother. He got out. No one was awaiting his arrival.

The hills around, which had formerly seemed to Eric so bright and beautiful, and where he had strolled alone or with his father, engaged in the contemplation of vast, world-important thoughts, these hills now appeared so low and so small, and the river so insignificant! His eye had taken in wider and more extensive views, and a larger standard of measurement had unconsciously been made his own.

He saw the old forms at the station, he saw the university-simpleton, which every smaller university has, who grinned at the doctor, and bade him welcome. He saw the students with their caps of various colors, who were amusing themselves with making pa.s.ses in the air with their canes, and playing with their dogs. All this seemed to him like a forgotten dream. And how was this? Had it not formerly been his highest desire to live and to teach here?

He went through the town,--nowhere anything pleasing to the eye; all was narrow, angular, contracted. He came to the paternal mansion; the narrow, wooden steps seemed to him so steep; he entered the sitting-room. No one was there. Mother and aunt had gone out. He went into his father's library: the books, formerly arranged in such good order, and which, hitherto, no one had ventured to disturb, were lying, for the most part, upon the floor; a tall, lean man, looking over the spectacles on the tip of his nose, stood staring at him with surprise.

Eric introduced himself; the man took the spectacles in his hand, and gave as his name that of a well-known antiquary in the capital, who had come to purchase the library.

So his mother's hope was gone, thought Eric. He remarked to the antiquary how valuable his father's annotations were, which were to be found on almost every page of every book.

The antiquary shrugging his shoulders, replied that these comments were valueless, and that they even detracted from the value of the books. If his father had written a great book, which gave him a great reputation, these notes would then have value; but his father had all his life been intending to write a great work, but had never accomplished it; and so all the notes and comments, even if valuable in themselves, were for the antiquary a depreciation in the worth of the books.

The tears came into Eric's eyes, already excited as he was by what he had gone through.

The whole labor of his father's life was not only to be lost, but to be worse than lost. Here was no leaf on which the eye of the sleeping one had not rested, here were his private thoughts, his feelings and his rich wisdom, and this was to be flung away into the world, despised, and perhaps appropriated by some stranger for his own profit.

Eric blamed himself for not accepting decidedly and immediately the position with Sonnenkamp; he might have effected it, and then have received a considerable sum of money. He blamed himself for letting the old cavalier pride get the better of him.

Eric looked sorrowfully upon a whole pile of ma.n.u.script sheets, books, and inserted printed sc.r.a.ps, which his father had been collecting and preparing his whole lifetime.

Eric's father had intended to write a book with the t.i.tle, "The Real Man in History;" but he had died before accomplis.h.i.+ng his purpose. Many valuable notes, even single portions, had been written out, but no use could be made of them, for each separate remark was considered in three different ways, and the leading idea had been contained in the head of the professor alone. All the sciences and the most remote facts of history had been drawn together, but the leading and connecting thought of the whole had vanished with the man himself, now resting in the ground; no entire form could be constructed out of these fragments.

Only one thing was often pointed out, that the t.i.tle should be, "The Real Man."

The first and larger part was to have collected those traits, scattered in the course of ages, out of which the image of G.o.d could be constructed as it was manifest in all the actual unfoldings of humanity; the second part was then to give an exact account of the manifestations of the soul's life in the past, to be as definitely determined as past events in external nature; and from there onwards was the point to be designated where genius, that miracle in the intellectual sphere, lays the foundation for new developments. This was what Eric thought, at any rate, when he tried to arrange the papers left by his father; then the leading and fundamental thought vanished, and all this matter collected with such laborious industry seemed utterly useless. As a treasure-digger, who must raise the treasure without speaking, so his father seemed to have closed his lips upon what he had already done, and upon what he intended to do.

Eric went back to the sitting-room, and the deep emotion of his heart, the whole uncertainty of his position, the growing strangeness of his home--all these were gathered into the thought of the lost labor, the useless toil of his father.

He looked around the room; it seemed to him inconveniently crowded with old furniture. He, who generally examined himself so closely and judged himself so severely, did not suspect that the sight of luxurious wealth and the late recognition of his own poverty had thrown a dark veil over all surrounding objects.

He collected himself, for he heard his mother and aunt returning.

His mother was heartily glad to see her son, but Eric was deeply troubled when she told him that she should have thought it quite right if he had accepted the situation with Sonnenkamp without reference to her, because, in their present position, it seemed double good fortune.

Eric saw that his mother, whom nothing had ever been able to bend, was now not only bent, but broken, and while he looked into her sorrowful face, he bitterly felt that his scruples and his sacrifice appeared superfluous.

His mother, repressing her own feelings, had written to the widowed princess, whose maid of honor she had been, giving an account of her situation. She had poured out her whole heart to the n.o.ble lady, and spoken of the great good fortune of the princess in being able to render essential help to her, who had never asked any favor; she requested a limited sum of money in order not to be obliged to sell the library of her husband, which was a sacred family possession, and had great value for her son. Tears came into her own eyes, as she read over the letter she had written. And now the mother handed to her son the reply of the dowager princess. She had answered through her secretary in well-expressed, sympathetic, and gracious terms. A small sum of money was enclosed, not half enough for the object in view.

The mother had had the desire to return this small sum, with the shrewd reply that, perhaps, the subordinate employed had not enclosed the full amount determined on by the princess; but she did not do it; one must not offend these high personages; one must even return humble thanks, in order not to forfeit their unsubstantial good-will.

Eric promised to have the library secured within a week.

He went immediately to his chamber, and wrote a letter to Count Wolfsgarten. He stated in plain words his state of mind at reaching his paternal home, in what condition he had found it and his mother, and finally he quoted to Clodwig his declaration,--

"I feel so much a friend to you, that I can allow myself to be placed under obligation by you."

Eric had written that he should feel no change towards Wolfsgarten, even if he refused his request. But feeling that this was not true, he tore up the letter and wrote another, leaving out this a.s.surance. It was no trifling matter for Eric, the first time in his life, to present himself as a pet.i.tioner, yes,--he tormented himself with the word,--as a beggar.

Eric now spoke directly of his journey. His mother heard him through quietly, except that when Bella was mentioned, she said,--"Bella Pranken is a woman who cannot be counted on."

The old plans were discussed anew. Eric wanted to establish an educational inst.i.tution, and his mother and aunt were strongly inclined to this, as they had many connections with the best families of the country; but they were not agreed whether they should have an inst.i.tution for girls or for boys. Eric was in favor of the latter, as he could have more direct relations with that; but his mother wanted him to make a scientific journey for several years, so as to acquire a reputation at once by means of some great work, and not creep on in the plodding path. She and the aunt would, in the meanwhile, earn so much at the capital that Eric could live free from care.

They came to the conclusion to make no positive decision until Herr Sonnenkamp's letter should be received. The mother said that it would be the fulfilment of one of her ideals of life to take possession of the vine-covered little house; and she entertained a sanguine hope of attaining some influence over the lad surrounded by the dangers of riches; she should be glad to do so, as he was just the age of the son she had lost.

Eric visited his old teacher and friend, Professor Einsiedel, who was his chief instructor. He was a high-priest of science, a man who, engaged continually and exclusively in the region of pure thought, and in investigations for the extension of the sphere of knowledge, lived entirely alone, regular, methodical, systematic, free from all excitement, eating and drinking an incredibly small quant.i.ty, but always attracted by new developments of truth, always open-eyed to look into the widespreading realm of thought.

Professor Einsiedel had been a friend of Eric's father, and he always lamented that he, who was continually striving after the best and the perfect, had not accomplished the good, which is necessarily incomplete. His axiom was, that we must be contented with having made some small, individual contribution, and that this extends to become a part of the great whole. We never accomplish anything that gives us perfect satisfaction, and to which we have nothing more to add. Only of the Creator can it be said, that on ending his work. He saw that it was good. The absolute mind can alone effect that the created existence shall correspond to the creative thought, the actual to the ideal; the finite mind must always have over it the idea of what it can do, and what it ought to do.

Whenever Eric came to the professor with any scientific inquiry, he received at once direction as to the best and most direct sources of information; he would even, with the greatest disinterestedness, place at the disposal of every one his own carefully prepared notes. It was the same to him whether it were published under his own name or under that of another person, provided it went forth to the world.

In the professor's study was a picture by Rembrandt, a small copper-plate engraving, which was almost a portrait of the professor himself. It represented Faust in his night-cap, gazing at the magic circle illuminated by its own light. Faust is an old, wizzled-up little man, sorely in need of the rejuvenating draught. Professor Einsiedel had no such magic potion, but he drank new life, every day, from the ancient cla.s.sics.

When Eric now called upon him, to get help and advice, he found the good old professor--living entirely alone, and troubled not so much by being alone, as by the necessity of taking care of life--in rather an odd plight. He regretted that Eric did not devote himself exclusively to science, but admitted also that Eric's natural tendency was to some practical and personal activity. And with a smile, peculiarly his own, he said,--

"You are a well-formed man, and you ought to make money out of that, for it is worth something. Yes, yes, that will be a help."

Eric, in his restlessness and in his ardent desire not to be waiting, but to do something for himself, went the next day to the capital, for he had heard from the antiquarian, that an elderly man who conducted a very respectable inst.i.tute was about to retire, and wanted to transfer it to good hands.

He came to the capital where he had lived as an officer many years, respected and without care. Several comrades in their uniform seemed not to know him; others bethought themselves after he had pa.s.sed, and called out, "Ah, is it you? Good-morning!" and went on. He went through the capital, where he was born, and where he felt at home, making inquiries like a stranger; he hoped it would again seem familiar and homelike to him, when he should go out into the streets from an established place of abode and a daily employment.

He was well received by the school-proprietor, and the conditions were acceptable. The respect in which his parents were held was of great advantage to him here; but the necessity of adopting the old regulations and methods made him hesitate. Without coming to any definite arrangement, he left the school-building.

He met now in one of the streets an old friend of his father, the present minister of education, who, stopping him, and inquiring about his mother and his own welfare, offered him the situation of custodian in the cabinet of antiquities, with the a.s.surance that he should soon be promoted to the directors.h.i.+p. Eric promised to take the matter into consideration.