The Diary and Letters of Madame D'Arblay
Chapter 80 : The clock had struck four some time, and Madame de la Fite said she feared they kept me

The clock had struck four some time, and Madame de la Fite said she feared they kept me from dinner. I knew it must soon be ready, and therefore made but a slight negative. She then, with an anxious look at her watch, said she feared she was already too late for her own little dinner. I was shocked at a hint I had no power to notice, and heard it in silence--silence unrepressing! for she presently added, "You dine alone, don't you?"

"Y-e-s,--if Mrs. Schwellenberg is not well enough to come down stairs to dinner."

"And can you dine, ma chere mademoiselle--can you dine at that great table alone?"

"I must!--the table is not mine."

"Yes, in Mrs. Schwellenberg's absence it is."

"It has never been made over to me, and I take no power that is not given to me."

"But the queen, my dearest ma'am--the queen, if she knew such a person as Madame de la Roche was here."

She stopped, and I was quite disconcerted. An attack so explicit, and in presence of Madame de la Roche, was beyond all my expectations. She then went to the window, and exclaimed, "It rains!--Mon Dieu! que ferons-nous?--My poor littel dinner!--it will be all spoilt!--La pauvre Madame de la Roche! une telle femme!"

I was now really distressed, and wished much to invite them both to stay; but I was totally helpless; and could only look, as I felt, in the utmost embarra.s.sment.

The rain continued. Madame de la Roche could understand but imperfectly what pa.s.sed, and waited its result with an air of smiling patience. I endeavoured to talk of other things---but Madame de la Fite was restless in returning to this charge. She had several times given me very open hints of her desire to dine at Mrs. Schwellenberg's table; but I had hitherto appeared not to comprehend them: she was now determined to come home to the point; and the more I saw her determination, the less liable I became to being overpowered by it. At length John came to announce dinner.

Madame de la Fite looked at me in a most expressive manner, as she rose and walked towards the window, exclaiming that the rain would not cease; and Madame de la Roche cast upon me a most tender smile, while she lamented that some accident must have prevented her carriage from coming for her. I felt excessively ashamed, and could only beg them not to be in haste, faithfully a.s.suring them I was by no means disposed for eating.

Poor Madame de la Fite now lost all command of herself, and desiring to speak to me in my own room, said, pretty explicitly, that certainly I might keep anybody to dinner, at so great a table, and all alone, if I wished it.

I was obliged to be equally frank. I acknowledged that I had reason to believe I might have had that power, from the custom of my predecessor, Mrs. Haggerdorn, upon my first succeeding to her; but that I was then too uncertain of any of my privileges to a.s.sume a single one of them unauthorised by the queen. Madame de la Fite was not at all satisfied, and significantly said,

"But you have sometimes Miss Planta?"

"And M. de Luc, too,--he may dine with you

"He also comes to Mrs. Schwellenberg. Mrs. Delany alone, and her niece, come to me; and they have had the sanction of the queen's own desire."

"Mais, enfin, ma chere Miss Burney,--when it rains,--and when it is so late,--and when it is for such a woman as Madame de la Roche!"

So hard pressed, I was quite shocked to resist her; but I a.s.sured her that when my own sisters, Phillips and Francis, came to Windsor purposely to see me, they had never dined at the Lodge but by the express invitation of Mrs. Schwellenberg; and that when my father himself was here, I had not ventured to ask him. This, though it surprised, somewhat appeased her; and we were called into the other room to Miss Planta, who was to dine with me, and who, unluckily, said the dinner would be quite cold.

They begged us both to go, and leave them till the rain was over, or till Madame de la Roche's carriage arrived. I could not bear to do this, but entreated Miss Planta, who was in haste, to go and dine by herself.

This, at last, was agreed to, and I tried once again to enter into discourse upon other matters. But how greatly did my disturbance at all this urgency increase, when Madame de la Fite said she was so hungry she must beg a bit of bread and a gla.s.s of water!

I was now, indeed, upon the point of giving way; but when I considered, while I hesitated, what must follow--my own necessary apology, which would involve Madame de la Fite in much blame, or my own concealing silence, which would reverse all my plans of openness with the queen, and acquiesced with my own situation--I grew firm again, and having a.s.sured her a thousand times of my concern for my little power, I went into the next room: but I sent her the roll and water by John; I was too much ashamed to carry them.

When I returned to them again, Madame de la Fite requested me to go at once to the queen, and tell her the case. Ah, poor Madame de la Fite, to see so little a way for herself, and to suppose me also so every way short-sighted! I informed her that I never entered the presence of the queen unsummoned....

Again she desired to speak to me in my own room; and then she told me that Madame de la Roche had a most earnest wish, to see all the royal family; she hoped, therefore, the queen would go to early prayers at the chapel, where, at least she might be beheld: but she gave me sundry hints, not to be misunderstood, that she thought I might so represent the merits of Madame de la Roche as to induce the honour of a private audience.

I could give her no hope of this, as I had none to give for I well knew that the queen has a settled aversion to almost all novels, and something very near it to almost all novel-writers.

She then told me she had herself requested an interview for her with the princess royal, and had told her that if it was too much to grant it in the royal apartments, at least it might take place in Miss Burney's room! Her royal highness coldly answered that she saw n.o.body without the queen's commands....

In the end, the carriage of Madame de la Roche arrived, about tea-time, and Madame de la Fite finished with making me promise to relate my difficulties to the queen, that she might give me such orders as to enable me to keep them any other time. To give you the result at once, Miss Planta, of her own accord, briefly related the affair to the queen, dwelling upon my extreme embarra.s.sment, with the most good-natured applause of its motives. The queen graciously joined in commendation of my steadiness, expressed her disapprobation of the indelicacy of poor Madame de la Fite, and added that if I had been overcome, it would have been an encouragement to her to bring foreigners for ever to the Lodge, wholly contrary to the pleasure of the king.

AN ECCENTRIC LADY.

_Sept. 25._--Mrs. Delany came to me to dinner, and we promised ourselves the whole afternoon tete-a-tete, with no other interruption than what we were well contented to allow to Major Price and General Bude. But before we were well settled in my room, after our late dinner in the next, a visitor appeared,--Miss Finch.

We were both sadly vexed at this disappointment; but you will wonder to hear that I became, in a few minutes, as averse to her going as I had been to her coming: for the Princess Amelia was brought in, by Mrs.

Cheveley, to carry away Mrs. Delany to the queen. I had now, therefore, no one, but this chance-comer, to a.s.sist me in doing the honours to my two beaus; and well as I like their company, I by no means enjoyed the prospect of receiving them alone: not, I protest, and am sure, from any prudery, but simply from thinking that a single female, in a party, either large or small, of men, unless very much used to the world, appears to be in a situation awkward and unbecoming.

I was quite concerned, therefore, to hear from Miss Finch that she meant but a short visit, for some reasons belonging to her carriage; and when she rose to go, I felt my distaste to this new mode of proceeding so strong, that I hastily related to her my embarra.s.sment, and frankly begged her to stay and help to recreate my guests. She was very much diverted with this distress, which she declared she could not comprehend, but frankly agreed to remain with me; and promised, at my earnest desire, not to publish what I had confessed to her, lest I should gain, around Windsor, the character of a prude.

I had every reason to be glad that I detained her, for she not only made my meeting with the equerries easy and pleasant, but was full of odd entertainment herself. She has a large portion of whimsical humour, which, at times, is original and amusing, though always eccentric, and frequently, from uttering whatever comes uppermost, accidental.

Among many other flights, she very solemnly declared that she could never keep any body's face in her mind when they were out of her sight.

"I have quite forgot," cried she, "the Duke of York already, though I used to see him so continually. Really, it's quite terrible, but I cannot recollect a single trait of anybody when they are the shortest time out of my sight; especially if they are dead;--it's quite shocking, but really I can never remember the face of a person the least in the world when once they are dead!"

The major, who knows her very well, and who first had introduced her to me on my settling here, was much amused with her rattle; and General Bude is always pleased with anything bordering upon the ridiculous. Our evening therefore turned out very well.

THE WRONG GUEST INVITED.

I have something to relate now that both my dearest friends will take great pleasure in hearing, because it appertains to my dignity and consequence. The queen, in the most gracious manner, desired me this morning to send an invitation to M. Mithoff, a German clergyman, to come to dinner; and she added, "I a.s.sure you he is a very worthy man, of very excellent character, or I would not ask you to invite him."

Was not this a very sweet manner of making over to me the presidency of the table in Mrs. Schwellenberg's absence?

It was for the next day, and I sent John to him immediately; rather awkward, though, to send my compliments to a man I had never seen, and invite him to dine with me. But there was no other mode--I could not name the queen. I knew Miss Port would be happy to make us a trio, and I begged her not to fail me.

But alas!--If awkwardness was removed, something worse was subst.i.tuted in its place; my presidency was abolished on the very day it was to be declared, by the sudden return of its rightful superseder. I acquainted her with the invitation I had been desired to send, and I told her I had also engaged Miss Port. I told of both as humbly as possible, that I might raise no alarms of any intention of rivalry in power.

Mr. Mithoff was not yet come when dinner was announced, nor yet Miss Port; we sat down tete-a-tete, myself in some pain for my invitations, my companion well content to shew she would wait for none of my making.

At length came Miss Port, and presently after a tall German clergyman entered the room. I was a little confused by his immediately making up to me, and thanking me in the strongest terms for the honour of my invitation, and a.s.suring me it was the most flattering one he had ever received.

I answered as short as I could, for I was quite confounded by the looks of Mrs. Schwellenberg. Towards me they were directed with reproach, and towards the poor visitor with astonishment: why I could not imagine, as I had frequently heard her speak of M. Mithoff with praise.

Finding nothing was said to him, I was obliged to ask him to take a place at the table myself, which he did; still, and with great glee of manner, addressing himself wholly to me, and never finis.h.i.+ng his warm expressions of grat.i.tude for my invitation. I quite longed to tell him I had her majesty's orders for what I had done, that he might cease his most unmerited acknowledgments; but I could not at that time. The dinner went off very ill. n.o.body said a word but this gentleman, and he spoke only to do himself mischief.

When we all adjourned to Mrs. Schwellenberg's room upstairs, for coffee, my new guest again poured forth such a torrent of thanks, that I could not resist taking the first opportunity to inform him he owed me no such strong obligation, as I had simply obeyed the commands of the queen.

"The queen!" he exclaimed, with yet greater enchantment; "then I am very happy indeed, madam; I had been afraid at first there was some mistake in the honour you did me."

"It might have seemed a mistake indeed, sir," cried I, "if you supposed I had taken the liberty of making you such an invitation, without the pleasure of knowing you myself."