The Diary and Letters of Madame D'Arblay
Chapter 85 : THE PLUMP PROVOST AND HIS LADY._Nov. 23._-In the evening I had a large party of new acq

THE PLUMP PROVOST AND HIS LADY.

_Nov. 23._-In the evening I had a large party of new acquaintance; the provost of Eton, Dr. Roberts, his lady, Mr. Dewes, Miss Port, the Duke of Montagu, General Bude, Colonel Goldsworthy, and Madame de la Fite.

The party had the royal sanction, I need not tell you. The king and queen are always well disposed to shew civility to the people of Eton and Windsor, and were therefore even pleased at the visit.

The provost is very fat, with a large paunch and gouty legs. He is good-humoured, loquacious, gay, civil, and parading. I am told, nevertheless, he is a poet, and a very good one. This, indeed, appears not, neither in a person such as I have described, nor in manners such as have drawn from me the character just given.

Mrs. Roberts is a fine woman, though no longer very young; she is his second wife, and very kind to all his family. She seems good-natured and sensible.

The evening turned out very well: they were so delighted with making a visit under the royal roof, that everything that pa.s.sed pleased them: and the sight of that disposition helped me to a little more spirit than usual in receiving them.

The king came into the room to fetch Mrs. Delany, and looked much disappointed at missing her; nevertheless, he came forward, and entered into conversation with the provost, upon Eton, the present state of the school, and all that belongs to its establishment. His majesty takes a great interest in the welfare and prosperity of that seminary.

The provost was enchanted by this opportunity of a long and private conference, and his lady was in raptures in witnessing it. She concluded, from that time, that the door would never open, but for the entrance of some of the royal family; and when the equerries came, she whispered me, "Who are they?" And again, on the appearance of a star on the Duke of Montagu., she said, "Who can that be, Miss Burney?"

THE EQUERRIES VIOLATE THE RULES.

_Dec. 10._--Mrs. Delany, upon her recovery,[227] had invited the general and colonel to come to tea any evening. For them to be absent from the Lodge was contrary to all known rules; but the colonel vowed he would let the matter be tried, and take its course. Mrs. Delany hoped by this means to bring the colonel into better humour with my desertion of the teatable, and to reconcile him to an innovation of which he then must become a partaker.

On the day when this grand experiment was to be made, that we might not seem all to have eloped clandestinely, in case of inquiry, I previously made known to the queen my own intention, and had her permission for my visit. But the gentlemen, determining to build upon the chance of returning before they were missed, gave no notice of their scheme, but followed me to Mrs. Delany's as soon as they quitted their own table.

I had sent to speak with General Bude in the morning, and then arranged the party: he proposed that the colonel and himself should esquire me, but I did not dare march forth in such bold defiance; I told him, therefore, I must go in a chair.

Mrs. Delany received us with her usual sweetness. We then began amusing ourselves with surmises of the manner in which we should all be missed, if our rooms were visited in our absence; and the colonel, in particular, drew several scenes, highly diverting, of what he supposed would pa.s.s,--of the king's surprise and incredulity, of the hunting up and down of the house in search of him, and of the orders issued throughout the house to examine to what bed-post he had hanged himself,--for nothing less than such an act of desperation could give courage to an equerry to be absent without leave!

Further conjectures were still starting, and all were engaged in aiding them and enjoying them, when suddenly a violent knocking at the door was followed by the most unexpected entrance of the Queen and the Princess Amelia!

Universal was the start, and most instantaneous and solemn the silence!

I felt almost guilty, though not for myself: my own invariable method of avowing all my proceedings saved me from the smallest embarra.s.sment on my own account in this meeting; but I was ashamed to appear the leader in a walk so new as that of leaving the Lodge in an evening, and to have induced any others to follow my example. The queen looked extremely surprised, but not at me, whom she knew she should encounter; and the two gentlemen hardly could settle whether to make humble explanations, or frank ridicule, of the situation in which they were caught. The queen, however, immediately put them at their ease, speaking to them with marked civility, and evidently desirous not to mar what she found intended as a private frolic, by any fears of her disapprobation.

She did not stay long, and they soon followed her to the Lodge. I also returned, and at night the queen owned to me, but very good-humouredly, that she had never been more astonished than at sight of the equerries that evening, and asked me how it came to pa.s.s.

"Mrs. Delany, ma'am," I answered, "as she had taken away their tea-maker, thought she could do no less than offer them tea for once at her own table."

And here the matter rested. But the enterprise has never been repeated.

MR. TURBULENT ON COURT ROUTINE.

_Dec. 13._--Our dinner was as usual, the Smelts, Messrs. de Luc and Turbulent, and Miss Planta; and the last only was gone when Mr. and Mrs.

Hayes arrived. Mrs. Hayes is a really pretty as well as a pretty sort of woman,[228] and modest, well-bred, and sensible--and the afternoon, with the a.s.sistance of Mr. Smelt, did very well. They went early home, and both the Smelts were called to the queen's rooms; M. de Luc said he must retire to write down "some thoughts upon an experiment in his head,"

and only Mr. Turbulent remained.

I found the partner of my confinement a man of uncommon capacity, but something there was hung about him, or hung about me, that prevented my a.s.similating-with him in anything. I saw he was endowed with great powers of agreeability; but I thought him obtrusive; and that alone is a drawback to all merit, that I know not how to pa.s.s over. He spoke his opinions with great openness, equally upon people and things; but it seemed rather from carelessness than confidence, and I 'know him too little to feel obliged in his trust.

The talk was chiefly upon mere general subjects, till by 'some accident the approaching birth-day of the queen was mentioned. He then inquired of me how I should like the state business of that day?

I told him I knew nothing of what I had to expect from it. He undertook readily to inform me. He said I was to be sumptuously arrayed, to sit in one of the best rooms at St. James's, and there to receive all the ladies of the queen in particular, and to do the honours to all the gentlemen also, belonging to the establishment.

I laughed, and told him he had painted to me a scene of happiness peculiarly adapted to my taste!

He did not concern himself to examine whether or not I was serious, but said he supposed, of course, the dignity of such a matter of state could not be disagreeable to me, and added, he should take the liberty to wish me joy of the day, among the rest, when it arrived, and to see me in my glory. After this he said, "You have now nearly seen the whole of everything that will come before you: in a very short time you will have pa.s.sed six months here, and then you will know your life for as many, and twice and thrice as many years. You will have seen everybody and everything, and the same round will still be the same, year after year, without intermission or alteration."

AN EQUERRY ON THE COURT CONCERT.

_Dec. 26_--Colonel Goldsworthy ran on, till General Bude reminded him it was time they should appear in the concert-room.

"Ay," cried he, reluctantly, "now for the fiddlers! There I go, plant myself against the side of the chimney, stand first on one foot, then on the other, hear over and over again all that fine squeaking, and then fall fast asleep, and escape by mere miracle from flouncing down plump in all their faces."

"What would the queen say if you did that?"

"O, ma'am, the queen would know nothing of the matter; she'd only suppose it some old double ba.s.s that tumbled."

"Why, could not she see what it was?"

"O no! ma'am, we are never in the room with the queen! that's the drawing-room, beyond, where the queen sits; we go no farther than the fiddling-room. As to the queen, we don't see her week after week sometimes. The king, indeed, comes there to us, between whiles, though that's all as it happens, now Price is gone. He used to play at backgammon with Price."

"Then what do you do there?"

"Just what I tell you--nothing at all, but stand as furniture. But the worst is, sometimes, when my poor eye-peepers are not quite closed, I look to the music-books to see what's coming; and there I read 'Chorus of Virgins:' so then, when they begin, I look about me. A chorus of virgins, indeed! why, there's nothing but ten or a dozen fiddlers! not a soul beside! it's as true as I'm alive! So then, when we've stood supporting the chimney-piece about two hours, why then, if I'm not called upon, I shuffle back out of the room, make a profound bow to the harpsichord, and I'm off."

DR. HERSCHFL'S LARGE TELESCOPE.

_Dec. 30._--This morning my dear father carried me to Dr. Herschel. That great and very extraordinary man received us with almost open arms, He is very fond of my father, who is one of the Council of the Royal Society this year, as well as himself, and he has much invited me when we have met at the Lodge or at Mr. de Luc's.

At this time of day there was nothing to see but his instruments: those, however, are curiosities sufficient. His immense new telescope, the largest ever constructed, will still, I fear, require a year or two more for finis.h.i.+ng, but I hope it will then reward his labour and ingenuity by the new views of the heavenly bodies, and their motions, which he flatters himself will be procured by it. Already, with that he has now in use, he has discovered fifteen hundred universes! How many more he can find who can conjecture? The moon, too, which seems his favourite object, has already afforded him two volcanoes; and his own planet, the Georgium sidus,[229] has now shewn two satellites. From such a man what may not astronomy expect, when an instrument superior in magnitude to any ever yet made, and constructed wholly by himself or under his own eye, is the vehicle of his observation?

I wished very much to have seen his sister, whose knowledge in his own science is so extraordinary, and who herself was the first discoverer of the last comet; but she had been up all night, and was then in bed.

Mr. Smelt joined us by appointment; and the Bishop of Worcester came afterwards, with Dr. Douglas, to whom I was then introduced. He is the famous editor, who has published and revised and corrected so many works: among them the last voyage round the world.