The Diary and Letters of Madame D'Arblay
Chapter 114 : I had undesignedly been duped by him. I answered this silence by saying "There wa

I had undesignedly been duped by him. I answered this silence by saying "There was no object for hypocrisy, for it was quite in retirement I met with him : it was not lately ; it is near two years since I have seen him; he had therefore no point to gain with me, nor was there any public character, nor any person whatever, that Could induce him to act a part; yet was he all I have said-informing, Communicative, instructive, and at the same time, gentle and highly pleasing."

"Well," said he, very civilly, "I begin the less to wonder, now, that You have adhered to his side; but--"

"To see him, then," cried I, stopping his 'but,'--"to see him brought to that bar! and kneeling at it!--indeed, Mr. Windham, I must own to you, I could hardly keep my seat--hardly forbear rising and running out of the Hall."

"Why, there," cried he, "I agree with you! 'Tis certainly a humiliation not to be wished or defended: it is, indeed, a mere ceremony, a mere formality; but it is a mortifying one, and so obsolete, so unlike the practices of the times, so repugnant from a gentleman to a gentleman, that I myself looked another way: it hurt me, and I wished it dispensed with."

"O, Mr. Windham," cried I, surprised and pleased, "and can you be so liberal?"

"Yes," cried he, laughing, "but 'tis only to take you in!"

Afterwards he asked what his coat was, whether blue Or purple; and said, "is it not customary for a prisoner to come black?"

"Whether or not," quoth I, "I am heartily glad he has not done it; why should he seem so dismal, so shut out from hope?"

"Why, I believe he is in the right. I think he has judged that not ill."

"O, don't be so candid," cried I, "I beg you not."

"Yes, yes, I must; and you know the reason," cried he, gaily; but presently exclaimed, "one unpleasant thing belong-

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ing to being a manager is that I must now go and show myself in the committee."

And then he very civilly bowed, and went down to his box, leaving me much persuaded that I had never yet been engaged in a conversation so curious, from its circ.u.mstances, in my life. The warm well-wisher myself of the prisoner, though formerly the warmest admirer of his accuser, engaged, even at his trial and in his presence, in so open a discussion with one of his princ.i.p.al prosecutors; and the queen herself in full view, unavoidably beholding me in close and eager conference with an avowed member of the opposition!

These circ.u.mstances made me at first enter into discourse with Mr. Windham with the utmost reluctance ; but though I wished to shun him, I could not, when once attacked, decline to converse with him. It would but injure the cause of Mr. Hastings to seem to fear hearing the voice of his accusers; and it could but be attributed to undue court-influence had I avoided any intercourse with an acquaintance so long ago established as a member of the opposition.

A WEARIED M.P.-MR. CRUTCHLEY REAPPEARS.

In the midst of the opening of a trial such as this, so important to the country as well as to the individual who is tried, what will you say to a man--a member of the House of Commons who kept exclaiming almost perpetually, just at my side, "What a bore!- -when will it be over?--Must one come any more?--I had a great mind not to have come at all.--Who's that?--Lady Hawkesbury and the Copes?--Yes.--A pretty girl, Kitty.--Well, when will they have done?--I wish they'd call the question--I should vote it a bore at once!

just such exclamations as these were repeated, without intermission, till the gentleman departed: and who should it be that spoke with so much legislative wisdom but Mr. W---!

In about two or three hours--this reading still lasting--Mr.

Crutchley came to me again. He, too, was so wearied, that he was departing; but he stayed some time to talk over our constant topic--my poor Mrs. Thrale. How little does he suspect the interest I unceasingly take in her--the avidity with which I seize every opportunity to gather the smallest intelligence concerning her!

One little trait of Mr. Crutchley, so characteristic of that queerness which distinguishes him, I must mention. He said

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he questioned whether he should comme any more: I told him I had imagined the attendance of every member to be indispensable.

"No," cried he, "ten to one if another day they are able to make a house!"

"The Lords, however, I suppose, must come?"

"Not unless they like it."

" But I hear if they do not attend they have no tickets."

"Why, then, Miss Primrose and Miss Cowslip must stay away too!"

I had the pleasure to find him entirely for Mr. Hastings, and to hear he had constantly voted on his side through every stage of the business. He is a very independent man, and a man of real good character, and, with all his oddity, of real understanding.

We compared notes very amicably upon this subject, and both agreed that those who looked for every flaw in the conduct of a man in so high and hazardous a station, ought first to have weighed his merits and his difficulties.

MR. WINDHAM DISCUSSES THE IMPEACHMENT.

A far more interesting conference, however, was now awaiting me.

Towards the close of the day Mr. Windham very unexpectedly came again from the committee-box, and seated himself by my side. I was glad to see by this second visit that my frankness had not offended him. He began, too, in so open and social a manner, that I was satisfied he forgave it.

"I have been," cried he, "very busy since I left you.--writing-- reading--making doc.u.ments."

I saw he was much agitated ; the gaiety which seems natural to him was flown, and had left in its place the most evident and unquiet emotion. I looked a little surprised, and rallying himself, in a few moments he inquired if I wished for any refreshment, and proposed fetching me some. But, well as I liked him for a conspirator, I could not break bread with him!

I thought now all was over of communication between us, but I was mistaken. He spoke for a minute or two upon the crowd--early hour of coming--hasty breakfasting and such general nothings; and then, as if involuntarily, he returned to the sole subject on his mind.

"Our plan," cried he, "is all changing: we have all been busy--we are coming into a new method. I have been making preparations--I did not intend speaking for a considerable time--not till after the circuit, but now, I may be called upon, I know not how soon."

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Then he stopped--ruminating--and I let him ruminate without interruption for some minutes, when he broke forth with these reflections: "How strange, how infatuated a frailty has man with respect to the future! Be our views, our designs, our antic.i.p.ations what they may, we are never prepared for it!--It always takes us by surprise--always comes before we look for it!"

He stopped; but I waited his explanation without speaking, and, after pausing thoughtfully for some time, he went on:

"This day--for which we have all been waiting so anxiously, so earnestly--the day for which we have fought, for which we have struggled--a day, indeed, of national glory, in bringing to this great tribunal a delinquent from so high an office--this day, so much wished, has seemed to me, to the last moment, so distant, that now--now that it Is actually arrived, it takes me as if I had never thought of it before--it comes upon me all unexpected, and finds me unready!"

Still I said nothing, for I did not fully comprehend him, till he added, "I will not be so affected as to say to you that I have made no preparation--that I have not thought a little upon what I have to do; yet now that the moment is actually come--"

Again he broke off. but a generous sentiment was, bursting from him, and would not be withheld.

"It has brought me," he resumed, "a feeling of which I am not yet quite the master! What I have said hitherto, when I have spoken in the house, has been urged and stimulated by the idea of pleading for the injured and the absent, and that gave me spirit.

Nor do I tell you (with a half-conscious smile) that the ardour of the prosecution went for nothing--a prosecution in favour of oppressed millions! But now,. when I am to speak here, the thought of that man, close to my side--culprit as he is--that man on whom all the odium is to fall--gives me, I own, a sensation that almost disqualifies me beforehand!" . . .

"That this day was ever brought about," continued he, "must ever remain a n.o.ble memorial of courage and perseverance in the Commons. Every possible obstacle has been thrown in our way-- every art of government has been at work to impede us--nothing has been left untried to obstruct us--every check and clog of power and influence."

"Not by him," cried I, looking at poor Mr. Hastings; "he has raised no impediments--he has been wholly careless."

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"Come," cried he, with energy, "come and hear Burke!--Come but and hear him!--'tis an eloquence irresistible!--a torrent that sweeps all before it with the force of a whirlwind! It will Cure You, indeed, of your prepossession, but it will give you truth and right in its place. What discoveries has he not made!--what gulfs has he not dived into! Come and hear him, and your conflict will end!"

I could hardly stand this, and, to turn it off', asked him if Mr.

Hastings was to make his own defence?

"No," he answered, "he will only speak by counsel. But do not regret that, for his own sake, as he is not used to public speaking, and has some impediment in his speech besides. He writes wonderfully--there he s.h.i.+nes--and with a facility quite astonis.h.i.+ng. Have you ever happened to see any of his writings?"

"No: only one short account, which he calls 'Memoirs relative to some India transactions,' and that struck me to be extremely unequal--in some places strong and finely expressed, In others obscure and scarce intelligible."