More Toasts
Chapter 87 : "Why do they call 'em fountain pens? I should say reservoir pen would be the

"Why do they call 'em fountain pens? I should say reservoir pen would be the better name. A reservoir contains liquids; a fountain throws 'em around."

"I think fountain pen is the proper name," said the party of the second part.

FRANKLIN

Franklin, when amba.s.sador to France, being at a meeting of a literary society, and not well understanding French when declaimed, determined to applaud when he saw a lady of his acquaintance express satisfaction. When they had ceased, a little child, who understood French, said to him, "But, grand-papa, you always applauded the loudest when they were praising you!" Franklin laughed heartily and explained the matter.

FREAKS

'Tis well to seek to be unique, But being too odd makes a freak.

FREE VERSE

YOUNG THING--"I wonder why they call it free verse?"

THE POET--"That's simple. Did you ever try to sell any?"

FREEDOM OF SPEECH

Dean Jones of Yale is credited with this definition of freedom of speech: "The liberty to say what you think without thinking what you say."

"I believe in free speech!" exclaimed the vociferous man.

"So do I," rejoined Uncle Bill Bottletop; "so do I. But in one respect free speech reminds me of the free lunch in the old days. You hate to see a man making a pig of himself just because something's free."

Words can be just as dangerous as acts. There is a common notion that the right of free speech implies the right to say anything we please and relieves a man of all responsibility for his words. Every man should recognize that hard words are just as dangerous as brickbats, and if he gets to throwing them around promiscuously he is liable for the damage he does. Almost any opinion we have could be stated in terms that would not cause offense. Hard words are caused by our consciousness of the weakness of our position. They are symptoms of impotence. They arise from the feeling that a single statement of our case is not sufficient, and that the only way to make an impression is by insult or abuse. A man who is satisfied with the justice of his position is content to state it in simple and inoffensive terms.--_Dr.

Frank Crane_.

"Sir," screeched the wild-haired man, "are you opposed to free speech?"

"Not unless I am compelled to listen to it," replied old Festus Pester.

FRENCH LANGUAGE

"Does your son who is abroad with the troops understand French?"

"Oh, yes, but he says the people he meets there don't seem to."

FRIENDS

"A fellah come to me today And slapped me on the back And started makin', right away, The us'al sort of crack About how good a friend he was, How strong he was for me-- But friends don't need to tell you so, There's other ways to tell you so,"

Says Charlie Cherokee.

"When makin' up my list of friends I try to git 'em all; The folks who give me recommends, Or loans, however small; I try to think of all they done A friend of mine to be.

I find a rainy day is what Will tell you who's a friend or not,"

Says Charlie Cherokee.

"I've never added to the list A man, like this one did, Who slapped my back and grabbed my fist And started in to kid.

For friends don't need to say a word, Their friends.h.i.+p you can see, Can see it in a fellah's eyes-- For friends don't need to advertise,"

Says Charlie Cherokee.

--_Douglas Malloch_.

A day for toil, an hour for sport, But for a friend life is too short.

--_Emerson_.

It's a pretty safe guess that if you have no friends you have done something to deserve the fix you are in.

A friend who is not in need is a friend indeed.

_Friends_

Around the corner I had a friend, In this great city, that has no end.

Yet days go by and weeks rush on And before I know it, a year has gone, And I never see my old friend's face, For life is a swift and terrible race.

He knows I like him just as well As in the days when I rang his bell, And he rang mine, we were younger then And now we are busy, tired men, Tired of playing the foolish game, Tired with trying to make a name.