More Toasts
Chapter 195 : REDDY BACKROW (whose father belongs to the union)--"You'd have the durndest

REDDY BACKROW (whose father belongs to the union)--"You'd have the durndest strike on your hands you ever saw, teacher."

"Everybody's striking,"

Said the Old Clock on the shelf; "It seems to be the fas.h.i.+on.

So I think I'll strike myself.

"But striking is my business-- Did you ever see such luck I'll have to give up striking Just to show folks that I've struck!"

THE LADY-"So you're really one of the strikers?"

THE LOAFER-"Yus, lidy. I'm wot they call one o' the pioneers o' the movement. I went on strike twenty-three years ago, lidy, and I ain't never give in yet."

A strike is not a "brake on industry." It's a displaced switch.

THE FATHER--"But have you enough money to marry my daughter?"

THE SUITOR--"Well, sir, at the moment I only get 300 francs a month, but by going on strike every other month for higher wages, I shall be getting 1,000 francs by the end of the year."

EMPLOYER--"There's a spirit of unrest among my men."

VISITOR--"What about?"

EMPLOYER--"Because they can not find any excuse to go out on a strike."--_Judge_.

SUBSt.i.tUTES

Speaking of subst.i.tutes for gasoline, there is the street-car ticket.

"Neurasthenia," said Mrs. Biggums to her cook, "I think we will have some chicken croquettes today out of that leftover pork and calves'

liver."

"Yes'm," said Neurasthenia, called Teeny for short. "An' we got a little bread dressin' what went wid the pork, mum. Shall I make some apple sauce out'n hit, mum?"

A very pretty young woman had been asked to dinner by the mother of a young man who admired her very much.

While waiting for dinner to be announced the four-year-old niece of the young man came into the room and climbed into the lap of her uncle, of whom she seemed very fond.

The young lady said coaxingly: "Come, Mary, give me a kiss"; but the child hid her face on her uncle's arm. The young woman urged the child to come to her, saying again: "Won't you give me a kiss?"

The little girl said: "No, I don't want to." Then she brightened up and said: "Uncle Fred, you do it."

"Your honor," said the prosecuting attorney, "your bull pup has went and chawed up the court Bible."

"Well," grumbled the Court, "make the witness kiss the pup; we can't adjourn court to get a new Bible."

MR. NEWLYWED--"Did you sew the b.u.t.ton on my coat, darling?"

MRS. NEWLYWED--"No, love; I couldn't find the b.u.t.ton, and so I just sewed up the b.u.t.tonhole."--_Judge_.

TOURIST (in village notion-store)--"Whaddya got in the shape of automobile-tires?"

SALESLADY--"Funeral wreaths, life-preservers, invalid cus.h.i.+ons, and doughnuts."--_Judge_.

SUBURBS

"Pa, what is a suburb, anyhow?"

"A place which has lost the joy of the country and lacks the feverish delight of the city."

SUBWAYS

"There's no danger in riding in these subways, is there?"

"I should say so. The last time I tried them I found myself in Brooklyn."

FIRST SUBWAY DIRECTOR--"We may have to provide more seats."

SECOND SUBWAY DIRECTOR-"Nonsense! Simply have 'The Star-Spangled Banner' played on all cars."--_Life_.

SUCCESS

Success in any line is no more an accident than the ball player's batting average is a streak of luck. It is putting the right hits in the right place and keeping the good work up--it's head work.