Plays By John Galsworthy
Chapter 224 : LAME M. Mr. and Mrs. Tomson. We 'ad some trouble to find it. You see, I've n

LAME M. Mr. and Mrs. Tomson. We 'ad some trouble to find it. You see, I've never been in these parts. We 'ad to come in the oven; and the bus-bloke put us dahn wrong. Are you the proprietor?

LORD W. [Modestly] Yes, I--er--

LAME M. You've got a nice plyce. I says to the missis, I says: "'E's got a nice plyce 'ere," I says; "there's room to turn rahnd."

LORD W. Yes--shall we--?

LAME M. An' Mrs. Annaway she says: "Shouldn't mind livin 'ere meself," she says; "but it must cost'im a tidy penny," she says.

LORD W. It does--it does; much too tidy. Shall we--?

MRS. ANN. [Rolling her eye] I'm very pleased to 'ave come. I've often said to 'em: "Any time you want me," I've said, "I'd be pleased to come."

LORD W. Not so pleased as we are to see you.

MRS. ANN. I'm sure you're very kind.

JAMES. [From the double doors, through which he has received a message] Wanted for your speech, my Lord.

LORD W. Oh! G.o.d! Poulder, bring these ladies and gentleman in, and put them where everybody can--where they can see everybody, don't you know.

[He goes out hurriedly through the double doors.]

LAME M. Is 'e a lord?

POULDER. He is. Follow me.

[He moves towards the doors, the three workers follow.]

MRS. ANN. [Stopping before JAMES] You 'yn't one, I suppose?

[JAMES stirs no muscle.]

POULDER. Now please. [He opens the doors. The Voice of LORD WILLIAM speaking is heard] Pa.s.s in.

[THE THREE WORKERS pa.s.s in, POULDER and JAMES follow them. The doors are not closed, and through this aperture comes the voice of LORD WILLIAM, punctuated and supported by decorous applause.]

[LITTLE ANNE runs in, and listens at the window to the confused and distant murmurs of a crowd.]

VOICE OF LORD W. We propose to move for a further advance in the chain-making and--er--er--match-box industries. [Applause.]

[LITTLE ANNE runs across to the door, to listen.]

[On rising voice] I would conclude with some general remarks.

Ladies and gentlemen, the great natural, but--er--artificial expansion which trade experienced the first years after the war has-- er--collapsed. These are hard times. We who are fortunate feel more than ever--er--responsible--[He stammers, loses the thread of his thoughts.]--[Applause]--er--responsible--[The thread still eludes him]--er----

L. ANNE. [Poignantly] Oh, Daddy!

LORD W. [Desperately] In fact--er--you know how--er--responsible we feel.

L. ANNE. Hooray! [Applause.]

[There float in through the windows the hoa.r.s.e and distant sounds of the Ma.r.s.eillaise, as sung by London voices.]

LORD W. There is a feeling in the air--that I for one should say deliberately was--er--a feeling in the air--er--a feeling in the air----

L. ANNE. [Agonised] Oh, Daddy! Stop!

[Jane enters, and closes the door behind him. JAMES. Look here! 'Ave I got to report you to Miss Stokes?]

L. ANNE. No-o-o!

JAMES. Well, I'm goin' to.

L. ANNE. Oh, James, be a friend to me! I've seen nothing yet.

JAMES. No; but you've eaten a good bit, on the stairs. What price that Peach Melba?

L. ANNE. I can't go to bed till I've digested it can I? There's such a lovely crowd in the street!

JAMES. Lovely? Ho!

L. ANNE. [Wheedling] James, you couldn't tell Miss Stokes! It isn't in you, is it?

JAMES. [Grinning] That's right.

L. ANNE. So-I'll just get under here. [She gets under the table]

Do I show?

JAMES. [Stooping] Not 'arf!

[POULDER enters from the hall.]

POULDER. What are you doin' there?

JAMES. [Between him and the table--raising himself] Thinkin'.

[POULDER purses his mouth to repress his feedings.]

POULDER. My orders are to fetch the bomb up here for Lady William to inspect. Take care no more writers stray in.

JAMES. How shall I know 'em?

POULDER. Well--either very bald or very hairy.

JAMES. Right-o! [He goes.]

[POULDER, with his back to the table, busies himself with the set of his collar.]

POULDER. [Addressing an imaginary audience--in a low but important voice] The--ah--situation is seerious. It is up to us of the--ah-- leisured cla.s.ses----