The Wit and Humor of America
Chapter 85 : W'y, The Raggedy Man--he's ist so good He splits the kindlin' an' c

W'y, The Raggedy Man--he's ist so good He splits the kindlin' an' chops the wood; An' nen he spades in our garden, too, An' does most things 'at _boys_ can't do!-- He clumbed clean up in our big tree An' shooked a' apple down fer me-- An' nother'n, too, fer 'Lizabuth Ann-- An' nother'n, too, fer The Raggedy Man.-- Aint he a' awful kind Raggedy Man?

Raggedy! Raggedy! Raggedy Man!

An' The Raggedy Man, he knows most rhymes An' tells 'em, ef I be good, sometimes: Knows 'bout Giunts, an' Griffuns, an' Elves, An' the Squidgic.u.m-Squees 'at swallers therselves!

An', wite by the pump in our pasture-lot, He showed me the hole 'at the Wunks is got, 'At lives 'way deep in the ground, an' can Turn into me, er 'Lizabuth Ann!

Aint he a funny old Raggedy Man?

Raggedy! Raggedy! Raggedy Man!

The Raggedy Man--one time when he Wuz makin' a little bow-'n'-orry fer me, Says "When _you're_ big like your Pa is, Air you go' to keep a fine store like his-- An' be a rich merchunt--an' wear fine clothes?-- Er what _air_ you go' to be, goodness knows!"

An' nen he laughed at 'Lizabuth Ann, An' I says "'M go' to be a Raggedy Man!-- I'm ist go' to be a nice Raggedy Man!"

Raggedy! Raggedy! Raggedy Man!

A MODERN ECLOGUE

BY BLISS CARMAN

SHE

If you were ferryman at Charon's ford, And I came down the bank and called to you, Waved you my hand and asked to come aboard, And threw you kisses there, what would you do?

Would there be such a crowd of other girls, Pleading and pale and lonely as the sea, You'd growl in your old beard, and shake your curls, And say there was no room for little me?

Would you remember each of them in turn?

Put all your faded fancies in the bow, And all the rest before you in the stern, And row them out with panic on your brow?

If I came down and offered you my fare And more beside, could you refuse me there?

HE

If I were ferryman in Charon's place, And ran that crazy scow with perilous skill, I should be so worn out with keeping trace Of gibbering ghosts and bidding them sit still,

If you should come with daisies in your hands, Strewing their petals on the sombre stream,-- "He will come," and "He won't come," down the lands Of pallid reverie and ghostly dream,--

I would let every clamouring shape stand there, And give its shadowy lungs free vent in vain, While you with earthly roses in your hair, And I grown young at sight of you again,

Went down the stream once more at half-past seven To find some brand-new continent of heaven.

A CABLE-CAR PREACHER

BY SAM WALTER FOSS

I

"'Tis strange how thoughtless people are,"

A man said in a cable-car, "How careless and how thoughtless," said The Loud Man in the cable-car; And then the Man with One Lame Leg Said softly, "Pardon me, I beg, For your valise is on my knee; It's sore," said he of One Lame Leg.

II

A woman then came in with twins And stumbled o'er the Loud Man's s.h.i.+ns; And she was tired half to death, This Woman Who Came in with Twins; And then the Man with One Lame Leg Said, "Madam, take my seat, I beg."

She sat, with her vociferant Twins, And thanked the man of One Lame Leg.

III

"'Tis strange how selfish people are, They carry boorishness so far; How selfish, careless, thoughtless," said The Loud Man of the cable-car.

A Man then with the Lung Complaint Grew dizzy and began to faint; He reeled and swayed from side to side, This poor Man with the Lung Complaint.

IV

The Woman Who Came in with Twins Said, "You can hardly keep your pins; Pray, take my seat." He sat, and thanked The Woman Who Came in with Twins.

The Loud Man once again began To curse the selfishness of man; Our lack of manners he bewailed With vigor, did this Loud, Loud Man.

V

But still the Loud Man kept his seat; A Blind Man stumbled o'er his feet; The Loud Man preached on selfishness, And preached, and preached, and kept his seat.

The poor Man with the Lung Complaint Stood up--a brave, heroic saint-- And to the Blind Man, "Take my seat,"

Said he who had the Lung Complaint.

VI

The Loud Man preached on selfish sins; The Woman Who Came in with Twins; The poor Man with the Lung Complaint, Stood, while he preached on selfish sins.

And still the Man with One Lame Leg Stood there on his imperfect peg And heard the screed on selfish sins-- This patient Man with One Lame Leg.

VII

The Loud Man of the cable-car Sat still and preached and traveled far; The Blind Man spake no word unto The Loud Man of the cable-car.

The Lame-Legged Man looked reconciled, And she with Twins her grief beguiled, The poor Man with the Lung Complaint-- All stood, and sweetly, sadly smiled.

HOW TO KNOW THE WILD ANIMALS

BY CAROLYN WELLS