The Spectator
Chapter 31 : [Footnote 1: that][Footnote 2: Wit, in the town sense, is talked of to satiety in Shadw

[Footnote 1: that]

[Footnote 2: Wit, in the town sense, is talked of to satiety in Shadwell's plays; and window-breaking by the street rioters called 'Scowrers,' who are the heroes of an entire play of his, named after them, is represented to the life by a street scene in the third act of his 'Woman Captain.']

[Footnote 3: are several Impostors]

[Footnote 4: take upon them]

[Footnote 5: Counterfeits]

[Footnote 6: any of these Pretenders]

[Footnote 7: that is about him]

No. 36. Wednesday, April 11, 1711. Steele.

'... Immania monstra Perferimus ...'

Virg.

I shall not put my self to any further Pains for this Day's Entertainment, than barely to publish the Letters and t.i.tles of Pet.i.tions from the Play-house, with the Minutes I have made upon the Latter for my Conduct in relation to them.

Drury-Lane, April [1] the 9th.

'Upon reading the Project which is set forth in one of your late Papers, [2] of making an Alliance between all the Bulls, Bears, Elephants, and Lions, which are separately exposed to publick View in the Cities of _London_ and _Westminster_; together with the other Wonders, Shows, and Monsters, whereof you made respective Mention in the said Speculation; We, the chief Actors of this Playhouse, met and sat upon the said Design. It is with great Delight that We expect the Execution of this Work; and in order to contribute to it, We have given Warning to all our Ghosts to get their Livelihoods where they can, and not to appear among us after Day-break of the 16th Instant.

We are resolved to take this Opportunity to part with every thing which does not contribute to the Representation of humane Life; and shall make a free Gift of all animated Utensils to your Projector. The Hangings you formerly mentioned are run away; as are likewise a Set of Chairs, each of which was met upon two Legs going through the _Rose_ Tavern at Two this Morning. We hope, Sir, you will give proper Notice to the Town that we are endeavouring at these Regulations; and that we intend for the future to show no Monsters, but Men who are converted into such by their own Industry and Affectation. If you will please to be at the House to-night, you will see me do my Endeavour to show some unnatural Appearances which are in vogue among the Polite and Well-bred. I am to represent, in the Character of a fine Lady Dancing, all the Distortions which are frequently taken for Graces in Mien and Gesture. This, Sir, is a Specimen of the Method we shall take to expose the Monsters which come within the Notice of a regular Theatre; and we desire nothing more gross may be admitted by you Spectators for the future. We have cas.h.i.+ered three Companies of Theatrical Guards, and design our Kings shall for the future make Love and sit in Council without an Army: and wait only your Direction, whether you will have them reinforce King _Porus_ or join the Troops of _Macedon_. Mr.

_Penkethman_ resolves to consult his _Pantheon_ of Heathen G.o.ds in Opposition to the Oracle of _Delphos_, and doubts not but he shall turn the Fortunes of _Porus_ when he personates him. I am desired by the Company to inform you, that they submit to your Censures; and shall have you in greater Veneration than _Hercules_ was in of old, if you can drive Monsters from the Theatre; and think your Merit will be as much greater than his, as to convince is more than to conquer.

I am, Sir, Your most obedient Servant, T.D.

SIR, When I acquaint you with the great and unexpected Vicissitudes of my Fortune, I doubt not but I shall obtain your Pity and Favour. I have for many Years last past been Thunderer to the Play-house; and have not only made as much Noise out of the Clouds as any Predecessor of mine in the Theatre that ever bore that Character, but also have descended and spoke on the Stage as the bold Thunder in _The Rehearsal_ [1]

When they got me down thus low, they thought fit to degrade me further, and make me a Ghost. I was contented with this for these two last Winters; but they carry their Tyranny still further, and not satisfied that I am banished from above Ground, they have given me to understand that I am wholly to depart their Dominions, and taken from me even my subterraneous Employment. Now, Sir, what I desire of you is, that if your Undertaker thinks fit to use Fire-Arms (as other Authors have done) in the Time of _Alexander_, I may be a Cannon against _Porus_, or else provide for me in the Burning of _Persepolis_, or what other Method you shall think fit.

Salmoneus of Covent-Garden.'

The Pet.i.tion of all the Devils of the Play-house in behalf of themselves and Families, setting forth their Expulsion from thence, with Certificates of their good Life and Conversation, and praying Relief.

_The Merit of this Pet.i.tion referred to Mr._ Chr. Rich, _who made them Devils._

The Pet.i.tion of the Grave-digger in 'Hamlet', to command the Pioneers in the Expedition of _Alexander_.

_Granted._

The Pet.i.tion of _William Bullock_, to be _Hephestion_ to _Penkethman the Great_. [4]

_Granted._

The caricature here, and in following lines, is of a pa.s.sage in Sir Robert Stapylton's 'Slighted Maid': 'I am the Evening, dark as Night,' &c.

In the 'Spectator's' time the Rehearsal was an acted play, in which Penkethman had the part of the gentleman Usher, and Bullock was one of the two Kings of Brentford; Thunder was Johnson, who played also the Grave-digger in Hamlet and other reputable parts.

[Footnote 1: 'March' was written by an oversight left in the first reprint uncorrected.]

[Footnote 2: No. 31.]

[Footnote 3: Mr. Bayes, the poet, in the Duke of Buckingham's 'Rehearsal', after showing how he has planned a Thunder and Lightning Prologue for his play, says,

Come out, Thunder and Lightning.

[Enter Thunder and Lightning.]

'Thun'. I am the bold 'Thunder'.

'Bayes'. Mr. Cartwright, prithee speak that a little louder, and with a hoa.r.s.e voice. I am the bold Thunder: pshaw! Speak it me in a voice that thunders it out indeed: I am the bold 'Thunder'.