The Spectator
Chapter 319 : Those who have maintain'd that Men would be more miserable than Beasts, were thei

Those who have maintain'd that Men would be more miserable than Beasts, were their Hopes confin'd to this Life only; among other Considerations take notice that the latter are only afflicted with the Anguish of the present Evil, whereas the former are very often pained by the Reflection on what is pa.s.sed, and the Fear of what is to come. This Fear of any Future Difficulties or Misfortunes is so natural to the Mind, that were a Man's Sorrows and Disquietudes summ'd up at the End of his Life, it would generally be found that he had suffer'd more from the Apprehension of such Evils as never happen'd to him, than from those Evils which had really befallen him. To this we may add, that among those Evils which befal us, there are many that have been more painful to us in the Prospect, than by their actual Pressure.

This natural Impatience to look into Futurity, and to know what Accidents may happen to us hereafter, has given birth to many ridiculous Arts and Inventions. Some found their Prescience on the Lines of a Man's Hand, others on the Features of his Face; some on the Signatures which Nature has impressed on his Body, and others on his own Hand-Writing: Some read Men's Fortunes in the Stars, as others have searched after them in the Entrails of Beasts, or the Flights of Birds. Men of the best Sense have been touched, more or less, with these groundless Horrours and Presages of Futurity, upon surveying the most indifferent Works of Nature. Can any thing be more surprizing than to consider _Cicero_, who made the greatest Figure at the Bar, and in the Senate of the _Roman_ Commonwealth, and, at the same time, outs.h.i.+ned all the Philosophers of Antiquity in his Library and in his Retirements, as busying himself in the College of Augurs, and observing, with a religious Attention, after what manner the Chickens peck'd the several Grains of Corn which were thrown to them?

Notwithstanding these Follies are pretty well worn out of the Minds of the Wise and Learned in the present Age, Mult.i.tudes of weak and ignorant Persons are still Slaves to them. There are numberless Arts of Prediction among the Vulgar, which are too trifling to enumerate; and infinite Observations, of Days, Numbers, Voices, and Figures, which are regarded by them as Portents and Prodigies. In short, every thing Prophesies to the superst.i.tious Man, there is scarce a Straw or a rusty Piece of Iron that lies in his way by Accident.

It is not to be conceiv'd how many Wizards, Gypsies, and Cunning-Men are dispers'd thro' all the Countries and Market-Towns of _Great-Britain_, not to mention the Fortune-tellers and Astrologers, who live very comfortably upon the Curiosity of several well-dispos'd Persons in the Cities of _London_ and _Westminster_.

Among the many pretended Arts of Divination, there is none which so universally amuses as that by Dreams. I have indeed observ'd in a late Speculation, that there have been sometimes, upon very extraordinary Occasions, supernatural Revelations made to certain Persons by this means; but as it is the chief Business of this Paper to root out popular Errors, I must endeavour to expose the Folly and Superst.i.tion of those Persons, who, in the common and ordinary course of Life, lay any stress upon things of so uncertain, shadowy, and chimerical a nature. This I cannot do more effectually than by the following Letter, which is dated from a Quarter of the Town that has always been the Habitation of some prophetick _Philomath_; it having been usual, time out of Mind, for all such People as have lost their Wits, to resort to that Place either for their Cure [1] or for their Instruction.

_Moor-Fields_, Oct. 4, 1712.

_Mr_. SPECTATOR,

'Having long consider'd whether there be any Trade wanting in this great City, after having survey'd very attentively all kinds of Ranks and Professions, I do not find in any Quarter of the Town an _Oneirocritick_, or, in plain _English_, an Interpreter of Dreams. For want of so useful a Person, there are several good People who are very much puzled in this Particular, and dream a whole Year together without being ever the wiser for it. I hope I am pretty well qualify'd for this Office, having studied by Candlelight all the Rules of Art which have been laid down upon this Subject. My great Uncle by my Wife's Side was a _Scotch_ Highlander, and second-sighted. I have four Fingers and two Thumbs upon one Hand, and was born on the longest Night of the Year. My Christian and Sir-Name begin and end with the same Letters. I am lodg'd in _Moorfields_, in a House that for these fifty years has been always tenanted by a Conjurer.

'If you had been in Company, so much as my self, with ordinary Women of the Town, you must know that there are many of them who every day in their Lives, upon seeing or hearing of any thing that is unexpected, cry, _My Dream is out_; and cannot go to sleep in quiet the next night, till something or other has happen'd which has expounded the Visions of the preceding one. There are others who are in very great pain for not being able to recover the Circ.u.mstances of a Dream, that made strong Impressions upon them while it lasted. In short, Sir, there are many whose waking Thoughts are wholly employ'd on their sleeping ones. For the benefit therefore of this curious and inquisitive Part of my Fellow-Subjects, I shall in the first place tell those Persons what they dreamt of, who fancy they never dream at all. In the next place, I shall make out any Dream, upon hearing a single Circ.u.mstance of it; and in the last place, shall expound to them the good or bad Fortune which such Dreams portend. If they do not presage good luck, I shall desire nothing for my Pains; not questioning at the same time that those who consult me will be so reasonable as to afford me a moderate Share out of any considerable Estate, Profit or Emolument which I shall thus discover to them. I interpret to the Poor for nothing, on condition that their Names may be inserted in Publick Advertis.e.m.e.nts, to attest the Truth of such my Interpretations. As for People of Quality or others, who are indisposed, and do not care to come in Person, I can interpret their Dreams by seeing their Water. I set aside one Day in the Week for Lovers; and interpret by the great for any Gentlewoman who is turned of Sixty, after the rate of half a Crown _per_ Week, with the usual Allowances for good Luck. I have several Rooms and Apartments fitted up, at reasonable rates, for such as have not Conveniences for dreaming at their own Houses.

_t.i.tus Trophonius_.

_N. B_. I am not dumb.

O.

[Footnote 1: Bedlam was then in Moorfields.]

No. 206. Friday, October 10, 1712. Budgell.

'Candida perpetuo reside, concordia, lecto, Tamque pari semper sit Venus aequa jugo.

Diligat illa, senem quondam: Sed et ipsa marito, Tunc quoque c.u.m fuerit, non videatur a.n.u.s.'

Mart.

The following Essay is written by the Gentleman, to whom the World is oblig'd for those several excellent Discourses which have been marked with the Letter X.

I have somewhere met with a Fable that made _Wealth_ the Father of _Love_. It is certain a Mind ought, at least, to be free from the Apprehensions of Want and Poverty, before it can fully attend to all the Softnesses and Endearments of this Pa.s.sion. Notwithstanding we see Mult.i.tudes of married People, who are utter Strangers to this delightful Pa.s.sion amidst all the Affluence of the most plentiful Fortunes.

It is not sufficient to make a Marriage happy, that the Humours of two People should be alike; I could instance an hundred Pair, who have not the least Sentiment of Love remaining for one another, yet are so like in their Humours, that if they were not already married, the whole World would design them for Man and Wife.

The Spirit of Love has something so extremely fine in it, that it is very often disturbed and lost, by some little Accidents which the Careless and Unpolite never attend to, till it is gone past Recovery.

Nothing has more contributed to banish it from a married State, than too great a Familiarity, and laying aside the common Rules of Decency. Tho'

I could give Instances of this in several Particulars, I shall only mention that of _Dress_. The Beaus and Belles about Town, who dress purely to catch one another, think there is no further occasion for the Bait, when their first Design has succeeded. But besides the too common Fault in point of Neatness, there are several others which I do not remember to have seen touched upon, but in one of our modern Comedies, [1] where a _French_ Woman offering to undress and dress herself before the Lover of the Play, and a.s.suring his Mistress that it was very useful in _France_, the Lady tells her that's a Secret in Dress she never knew before, and that she was so unpolish'd an _English_ Woman, as to resolve never to learn even to dress before her Husband.

There is something so gross in the Carriage of some Wives, that they lose their Husbands Hearts for Faults, which, if a Man has either Good-Nature or Good-Breeding, he knows not how to tell them of. I am afraid, indeed, the Ladies are generally most faulty in this Particular, who, at their first giving into Love, find the Way so smooth and pleasant, that they fancy 'tis scarce possible to be tired in it.

There is so much Nicety and Discretion requir'd to keep Love alive after Marriage, and make Conversation still new and agreeable after twenty or thirty years, that I know nothing which seems readily to promise it, but an earnest endeavour to please on both sides, and superior good Sense on the part of Man.

By a Man of Sense, I mean one acquainted with Business and Letters.

A Woman very much settles her Esteem for a Man, according to the Figure he makes in the World, and the Character he bears among his own s.e.x. As Learning is the chief Advantage we have over them, it is, methinks, as scandalous and inexcusable for a Man of Fortune to be illiterate, as for a Woman not to know how to behave her self on the most ordinary Occasions. It is this which sets the two s.e.xes at the greatest Distance; a Woman is vexed and surpriz'd, to find nothing more in the Conversation of a Man, than in the common Tattle of her own s.e.x.

Some small Engagement at least in Business, not only sets a Man's Talents in the fairest Light, and allots him a Part to act, in which a Wife cannot well intermeddle; but gives frequent occasions for those little Absences, which, whatever seeming Uneasiness they may give, are some of the best Preservatives of Love and Desire.

The Fair s.e.x are so conscious to themselves, that they have nothing in them which can deserve entirely to engross the whole Man, that they heartily despise one, who, to use their own Expression, is always hanging at their Ap.r.o.n-Strings.

_Laet.i.tia_ is pretty, modest, tender, and has Sense enough; she married _Erastus_, who is in a Post of some Business, and has a general Taste in most Parts of polite Learning. _Laet.i.tia_, where ever she visits, has the pleasure to hear of something which was handsomely said or done by _Erastus_. _Erastus_, since his Marriage, is more gay in his Dress than ever, and in all Companies is as complaisant to _Laet.i.tia_ as to any other Lady. I have seen him give her her Fan, when it has dropped, with all the Gallantry of a Lover. When they take the Air together, _Erastus_ is continually improving her Thoughts, and with a Turn of Wit and Spirit which is peculiar to him, giving her an Insight into things she had no notion of before. _Laet.i.tia_ is transported at having a new World thus open'd to her, and hangs upon the Man that gives her such agreeable Informations. _Erastus_ has carried this Point still further, as he makes her daily not only more fond of him, but infinitely more satisfied with herself. _Erastus_ finds a Justness or Beauty in whatever she says or observes, that _Laet.i.tia_ herself was not aware of; and, by his a.s.sistance, she has discovered an hundred good Qualities and Accomplishments in herself, which she never before once dreamed of.

_Erastus_, with the most artful Complaisance in the World, by several remote Hints, finds the means to make her say or propose almost whatever he has a mind to, which he always receives as her own Discovery, and gives her all the Reputation of it.

_Erastus_ has a perfect Taste in Painting, and carried _Laet.i.tia_ with him the other day to see a Collection of Pictures. I sometimes visit this happy Couple. As we were last Week walking in the long Gallery before Dinner, _I have lately laid out some Mony in Paintings_, says _Erastus; I bought that_ Venus _and_ Adonis _purely upon_ Laet.i.tia's _Judgment; it cost me three-score Guineas, and I was this morning offer'd [a [2]] hundred for it_. I turned towards _Laet.i.tia_, and saw her Cheeks glow with Pleasure, while at the same time she cast a look upon _Erastus_, the most tender and affectionate I ever beheld.

_Flavilla_ married _Tom Tawdry_; she was taken with his laced Coat and rich Sword-knot; she has the mortification to see _Tom_ despised by all the worthy Part of his own s.e.x. _Tom_ has nothing to do after Dinner, but to determine whether he will pare his Nails at St. _James's, White's_, or his own House. He has said nothing to _Flavilla_ since they were married, which she might not have heard as well from her own Woman.

He however takes great care to keep up the saucy ill-natur'd Authority of a Husband. Whatever _Flavilla_ happens to a.s.sert, _Tom_ immediately contradicts with an Oath, by way of Preface, and, _My Dear, I must tell you, you talk most confoundedly silly. Flavilla_ had a Heart naturally as well dispos'd for all the Tenderness of Love as that of _Laet.i.tia_; but as Love seldom continues long after Esteem, it is difficult to determine, at present, whether the unhappy _Flavilla_ hates or despises the Person most, whom she is obliged to lead her whole Life with.

[X.]

[Footnote 1: Steele's _Funeral_, or _Grief a la Mode_, Act III.]

[Footnote 2: [an] and in first reprint.]