The Spectator
Chapter 350 : No. 557. From Friday, June 18 to Monday, June 21, 1714. Addison.'Quippe domum tim

No. 557. From Friday, June 18 to Monday, June 21, 1714. Addison.

'Quippe domum timet ambiguam, Tyriosque bilingues.'

Virg.

_There is nothing, says Plato, so delightful, as the hearing or the speaking of Truth_. For this Reason there is no Conversation so agreeable as that of the Man of Integrity, who hears without any Intention to betray, and speaks without any Intention to deceive.

Among all the Accounts which are given of _Cato_, I do not remember one that more redounds to his Honour than the following Pa.s.sage related by _Plutarch_. As an Advocate was pleading the Cause of his Client before one of the Praetors, he could only produce a single Witness in a Point where the Law required the Testimony of two Persons; upon which the Advocate insisted on the Integrity of that Person whom he had produced: but the Praetor told him, That where the Law required two Witnesses he would not accept of one, tho' it were _Cato_ himself. Such a Speech from a Person who sat at the Head of a Court of Justice, while _Cato_ was still living, shews us, more than a thousand Examples, the high Reputation this great Man had gained among his Contemporaries upon the Account of his Sincerity.

When such an inflexible Integrity is a little softened and qualified by the Rules of Conversation and Good-breeding, there is not a more s.h.i.+ning Virtue in the whole Catalogue of Social Duties. A Man however ought to take great Care not to polish himself out of his Veracity, nor to refine his Behaviour to the Prejudice of his Virtue.

This Subject is exquisitely treated in the most elegant Sermon of the great _British_ Preacher [1]. I shall beg Leave to transcribe out of it two or three Sentences, as a proper Introduction to a very curious Letter, which I shall make the chief Entertainment of this Speculation.

'The old _English_ Plainness and Sincerity, that generous Integrity of Nature, and Honesty of Disposition, which always argues true Greatness of Mind, and is usually accompanied with undaunted Courage and Resolution, is in a great Measure lost among us.

'The Dialect of Conversation is now-a-days so swelled with Vanity and Compliment, and so surfeited (as I may say) of Expressions of Kindness and Respect, that if a Man that lived an Age or two ago should return into the World again, he would really want a Dictionary to help him to understand his own Language, and to know the true intrinsick Value of the Phrase in Fas.h.i.+on; and would hardly, at first, believe at what a low Rate the highest Strains and Expressions of Kindness imaginable do commonly pa.s.s in current Payment; and when he should come to understand it, it would be a great while before he could bring himself with a good Countenance and a good Conscience, to converse with Men upon equal Terms and in their own Way.'

I have by me a Letter which I look upon as a great Curiosity, and which may serve as an Exemplification to the foregoing Pa.s.sage, cited out of this most excellent Prelate. It is said to have been written in King _Charles_ II.'s Reign by the Amba.s.sador of _Bantam_ [2], a little after his Arrival in _England_.

_Master_,

'The People, where I now am, have Tongues further from their Hearts than from _London_ to _Bantam_, and thou knowest the Inhabitants of one of these Places does not know what is done in the other. They call thee and thy Subjects Barbarians, because we speak what we mean; and account themselves a civilized People, because they speak one thing and mean another: Truth they call Barbarity, and Falsehood Politeness.

Upon my first landing, one who was sent from the King of this Place to meet me told me, _That he was extremely sorry for the Storm I had met with just before my Arrival_. I was troubled to hear him grieve and afflict himself upon my Account; but in less than a Quarter of an Hour he smiled, and was as merry as if nothing had happened. Another who came with him told me by my Interpreter, _He should be glad to do me any Service that lay in his Power_. Upon which I desir'd him to carry one of my Portmantaus for me, but instead of serving me according to his Promise, he laughed, and bid another do it. I lodged, the first Week, at the House of one, who desired me _to think my self at home, and to consider his House as my own_. Accordingly, I the next Morning began to knock down one of the Walls of it, in order to let in the fresh Air, and had packed up some of the Houshold-Goods, of which I intended to have made thee a Present: But the false Varlet no sooner saw me falling to Work, but he sent Word to desire me to give over, for that he would have no such Doings in his House. I had not been long in this Nation, before I was told by one, for whom I had asked a certain Favour from the Chief of the King's Servants, whom they here call the Lord-Treasurer, That I had _eternally obliged him_. I was so surpriz'd at his Grat.i.tude, that I could not forbear saying, What Service is there which one Man can do for another, that can oblige him to all Eternity! However I only asked him, for my Reward, that he would lend me his eldest Daughter during my Stay in this Country; but I quickly found that he was as treacherous as the rest of his Countrymen.

'At my first going to Court, one of the great Men almost put me out of Countenance, by asking _ten thousand Pardons_ of me for only treading by Accident upon my Toe. They call this kind of Lye a Compliment; for when they are Civil to a great Man, they tell him Untruths, for which thou wouldst order any of thy Officers of State to receive a hundred Blows upon his Foot. I do not know how I shall negociate any thing with this People, since there is so little Credit to be given to 'em.

When I go to see the King's Scribe, I am generally told that he is not at home, tho' perhaps I saw him go into his House almost the very Moment before. Thou wouldest fancy that the whole Nation are Physicians, for the first Question they always ask me, is, _how I do_: I have this Question put to me above a hundred times a Day. Nay, they are not only thus inquisitive after my Health, but wish it in a more solemn Manner, with a full Gla.s.s in their Hands, every time I sit with them at Table, tho' at the same time they would perswade me to drink their Liquors in such Quant.i.ties as I have found by Experience will make me sick. They often pretend to pray for thy Health also in the same Manner; but I have more Reason to expect it from the Goodness of thy Const.i.tution, than the Sincerity of their Wishes. May thy Slave escape in Safety from this doubled-tongued Race of Men, and live to lay himself once more at thy Feet in thy Royal City of _Bantam_.'

[Footnote 1: Tillotson. The Sermon 'Of Sincerity Towards G.o.d and Man.'

Works, Vol. II., p. 6, folio ed.]

[Footnote 2: In 1682.]

No. 558. Wednesday, June 23, 1714. Addison.

'Qui fit, Maecenas, ut nemo, quam sibi sortem Seu ratio dederit, seu fors objecerit, illa Contentus vivat: laudet diversa sequentes?

O Fortunati mercatores, gravis annis Miles ait, multo jam fractus membra labore!

Contra mercator, navim jactantibus austris, Militia est potior. Quid enim? concurritur? horae Momenta cita mors venit, aut victoria laeta.

Agricolam laudat juris legumque peritus, Sub galli cantum consultor ubi ostia pulsat.

Ille, datis vadibus, qui rure extractus in urbem est, Solos felices viventes clamat in urbe.

Caetera de genere hoc (adeo sunt multa) loquacem Dela.s.sare valent Fabium. Ne te morer, audi Quo rem deducam. Si quis Deus, en ego dicat, Jam faciam quod vultis: eris tu, qui modo miles, Mercator: tu consultus modo, rusticus. Hinc vos, Vos hinc mutatis discedite partibus. Eja, Quid statis? Nolint. Atque licet esse beatis.'

Hor.

It is a celebrated Thought of _Socrates_, that if all the Misfortunes of Mankind were cast into a publick Stock, in order to be equally distributed among the whole Species, those who now think themselves the most unhappy, would prefer the Share they are already possess'd of, before that which would fall to them by such a Division. _Horace_ has carried this Thought a great deal further in the Motto of my Paper, which implies that the Hards.h.i.+ps or Misfortunes we lye under, are more easy to us than those of any other Person would be, in case we could change Conditions with him.

As I was ruminating on these two Remarks, and seated in my Elbow-Chair, I insensibly fell asleep; when, on a sudden, methought there was a Proclamation made by _Jupiter_, that every Mortal should bring in his Griefs and Calamities, and throw them together in a Heap. There was a large Plain appointed for this Purpose. I took my Stand in the Center of it, and saw with a great deal of Pleasure the whole human Species marching one after another and throwing down their several Loads, which immediately grew up into a prodigious Mountain that seemed to rise above the Clouds.

There was a certain Lady of a thin airy Shape, who was very active in this Solemnity. She carried a magnifying Gla.s.s in one of her Hands, and was cloathed in a loose flowing Robe, embroidered with several Figures of Fiends and Spectres, that discovered themselves in a Thousand chimerical Shapes, as her Garment hovered in the Wind. There was something wild and distracted in her Look. Her Name was _FANCY_. She led up every Mortal to the appointed Place, after having very officiously a.s.sisted him in making up his Pack, and laying it upon his Shoulders. My Heart melted within me to see my Fellow-Creatures groaning under their respective Burthens, and to consider that prodigious Bulk of human Calamities which lay before me.

There were however several Persons who gave me great Diversion upon this Occasion. I observed one bringing in a Fardel very carefully concealed under an old embroidered Cloak, which, upon his throwing it into the Heap, I discovered to be Poverty. Another, after a great deal of puffing, threw down his Luggage; which, upon examining, I found to be his Wife.

There were Mult.i.tudes of Lovers saddled with very whimsical Burthens composed of Darts and Flames; but, what was very odd, tho' they sighed as if their Hearts would break under these Bundles of Calamities, they could not perswade themselves to cast them into the Heap when they came up to it; but after a few faint efforts, shook their Heads and marched away as heavy loaden as they came. I saw Mult.i.tudes of old Women throw down their Wrinkles, and several young ones who stripped themselves of a tawny Skin. There were very great Heaps of red Noses, large Lips, and rusty Teeth. The Truth of it is, I was surpriz'd to see the greatest Part of the Mountain made up of bodily Deformities. Observing one advancing towards the Heap with a larger Cargo than ordinary upon his Back, I found upon his near Approach, that it was only a natural Hump, which he disposed of with great Joy of Heart among this Collection of humane Miseries. There were likewise Distempers of all Sorts, tho' I could not but observe, that there were many more Imaginary than real.

One little Packet I could not but take Notice of, which was a Complication of all the Diseases incident to humane Nature, and was in the Hand of a great many fine People: This was called the Spleen. But what most of all surprized me, was a Remark I made, that there was not a single [illegible] Folly thrown into the whole Heap: At which I was very much astonished, having concluded within my self, that every one would take this Opportunity of getting rid of his Pa.s.sions, Prejudices, and Frailties.

I took Notice in particular of a very profligate Fellow, who I did not Question came loaden with his Crimes, but upon searching into his Bundle, I found that instead of throwing his Guilt from him, he had only laid down his Memory. He was followed by another worthless Rogue who flung away his Modesty instead of his Ignorance.

When the whole Race of Mankind had thus cast their Burthens, the _Phantome_ which had been so busie on this Occasion, seeing me an idle Spectator of what pa.s.sed, approached towards me. I grew uneasy at her Presence, when of a sudden she held her magnifying Gla.s.s full before my Eyes. I no sooner saw my Face in it, but was startled at the Shortness of it, which now appeared to me in its utmost Aggravation. The immoderate Breadth of the Features made me very much out of Humour with my own Countenance, upon which I threw it from me like a Mask. It happened very luckily, that one who stood by me had just before thrown down his Visage, which, it seems, was too long for him. It was indeed extended to a most shameful length; I believe the very Chin was, modestly speaking, as long as my whole Face. We had both of us an Opportunity of mending our selves, and all the Contributions being now brought in, every Man was at Liberty to exchange his Misfortune for those of another Person. But as there arose many new Incidents in the Sequel of my Vision, I shall reserve them for the Subject of my next Paper.

No. 559. Friday, June 25, 1714. Addison.

'Quid causae est, merit quin illis Jupiter ambas Iratus buccas inflet: neque se fore posthac Tam facilem dicat, votis ut praebeat aurem?'