Annie's Song
Chapter 30 : Her shocked little cry was m.u.f.fled by the napkin as he smeared the coldness over her

Her shocked little cry was m.u.f.fled by the napkin as he smeared the coldness over her silken folds. Her entire body jerked when he caught the sensitive nubbin of flesh hidden there between his thumb and forefinger. Giving it a hard roll, Alex watched her eyes drift closed. She moaned low in her chest and ground her hips upward, clearly overcome.

Annie, for dessert. It was the sweetest ending to a meal that Alex had ever experienced. If, in future, she found him more appealing than the food served for supper, he would be more than happy to make himself available. It was the least a husband could do for his sweet, biddable, insatiable little wife.

Annie ... For such a small woman, she had a very large presence in Alex's life, filling his days with laughter, his nights with lovemaking, and his sleep with dreams of her.

Around the middle of December, Dr. Muir paid a visit, supposedly to see Annie, but in truth to speak privately with Alex. Afraid that Annie might become upset during the medical examination, which was, by necessity, more invasive than the one Muir had done during the early months of her pregnancy, Alex remained with his wife while the doctor was with her. Afterward, both men retired to the study to have a brandy and discuss the doctor's findings.

Coming right to the point, Muir said, "Everything looks normal, Alex, so stop looking so worried."

Alex smiled as he handed the good doctor a drink. Taking the chair catty-corner to him, he said, "Am I so obvious?"

"You've become very fond of her. That's apparent."

Alex rested a booted foot on his knee. "I am that."

"And the lessons? How are those coming?"

"Very well. She's mastered a goodly number of signs and knows her alphabet now. As of last week, we graduated to a first-year primer."

Muir raised his gla.s.s. "Congratulations. That's quite a feat."

Alex lowered his foot to the floor and leaned forward to rest his arms on his knees. "I think so. To be honest, I was hoping the ear horns might be more of a help than they're proving to be. Even though, with the horns, she seems able to hear me if I speak loudly, she can't seem to reproduce the sounds correctly.

The few words she has actually tried to say are grossly distorted."

Daniel nodded. "That's probably to be expected. She lost her hearing at six. It's been fourteen years since she's been allowed to speak. She's forgotten how. With a hearing disability, it's bound to take time for her to relearn all she's forgotten."

Alex sighed. "So I keep reminding myself." He shrugged and smiled. "Now that I can lip-read, we manage to communicate well enough."

"What about when the child comes? It would be nice if Annie were to master at least a small vocabulary before it begins learning to talk."

Alex considered that for a moment. "We'll just have to see how she progresses."

Daniel tapped his finger against his gla.s.s, eyeing Alex over its rim. "I know you want what's best for Annie and the child."

"Of course I do."

"I was just wondering if you'd considered sending her away to school."

"School?"

Daniel raised an eyebrow. "She needs special instruction, Alex. I know you're doing wonders. I take nothing away from you. But to truly recover her speech, Annie should have specialized tutors, people who know how to help her. The school in Albany is reputable. Irene Small, the headmistress, is a fantastic instructor, and in addition to addressing her pupils'

educational needs, she sees to it they're enriched culturally and socially. It would be very good for Annie to go there, at least for two or three years. That isn't so long a time. She'd still be a young woman when she finished her instruction. And just think how much the experience would benefit her."

Alex's heart felt as if it had fallen to the floor. "Two or three years?"

Daniel smiled. "Albany isn't that far away. You look as though I just suggested we send her to a foreign country." He, too, sat forward in his chair, his gaze direct and filled with concern. "Alex, please, at least think about it. I think I could convince Irene to make room for Annie. Since Annie will have a child, she could be a nonresident student. Maybe Maddy could move to Albany with her. The two of them could rent a small house near the school. Somewhere close enough that Annie could walk to cla.s.ses."

Alex shot up from his chair, spilling brandy in his agitation.

"No. It's out of the question. We're discussing my wife here.

I'm not going to send her away for two to three years.'' He raked a hand through his hair and started to pace. "Jesus Christ, Daniel, I don't know how you can even suggest such a thing. If you think Annie needs a special tutor, I'll hire one. But she's staying here at Montgomery Hall where she belongs, end of discussion."

Daniel set his drink aside and pushed to his feet, retrieving his bag as he stood. "Alex, with all your money and good intentions, you can't buy Annie the things she needs most. Up there in Albany, the students produce their own plays. They have dances and socials and musicals, all geared expressly for the deaf. Annie would be around other people like herself for the first time in her life. There's no way you can provide all of those experiences for her here."

Alex turned a fiery gaze on him. "Maybe not. But you're asking me to send my wife and child away. I can't do that. I won't. It wouldn't be right."

"Right for who, you or Annie? Think about it, Alex." Daniel strode slowly to the study door. He paused before opening it to look back at Alex over his shoulder. "If you truly love the girl, and I believe you do, then in the end, you'll do what's best for her. I'm convinced of that. As I said, I believe I can convince Irene to take her. If you'd like, I'll check into it for you. I think Annie could start instruction in March. She will be sufficiently recovered from childbirth by that time to travel and make the move."

Struggling to regain his composure, Alex finally replied, "I guess it couldn't hurt for you to look into it for me. As long as you understand that it's highly unlikely I'd seriously consider it."

Daniel smiled slightly. "You'll do the right thing. You always do.''

With that, Daniel quit the room.

Over the next few days, Alex considered what Daniel had said. So great was his indecision that he even consulted Edie Trimble, who agreed wholeheartedly with Dr. Muir that sending Annie away to school was a wonderful idea. No matter how he circled it, deep down he knew his mother-in-law and the physician were probably right. At a school for the deaf, a whole new world would be opened up for Annie. She'd learn not only to speak, but to read and write, things Alex wasn't absolutely sure he could teach her. And in addition to that, she would have a chance to be around other people like herself. In Albany, she could make friends, something that had always been denied her.

Dances ... parties ... plays ... In short, a social life. That was something Alex could not buy for her. If he kept her here with him at Montgomery Hall, he would be cheating her out of those experiences.

For a short time, Alex considered hiring a competent foreman to oversee Montgomery Hall so he might move to Albany and be with Annie while she attended school. But, after he really thought about it, he knew that would be almost as selfish as keeping her in Hooperville. If he were there in Albany, always backstage, always waiting, she wouldn't feel free to partic.i.p.ate in all the social activities she would enjoy otherwise. As much as he wanted to be with her, he didn't want to be a proverbial chain around her neck, either. Other people were allowed to experience life to its fullest before being tied down in marriage. Annie deserved the same privilege.

Two or three years... As Daniel said, it wasn't that long a time. If all went well, Annie would only be twenty-three when she completed her schooling and came back to live permanently at Montgomery Hall. In the meanwhile, Alex could visit her in Albany occasionally, and she could come home during holidays. He could live with that. He had to.

For Annie's sake, he had no choice.

Once his decision was made, Alex wasted no time in speaking to Maddy. The housekeeper, though initially against the idea, eventually agreed to accompany Annie to Albany so she could help care for the baby while Annie was attending school. Once that was settled, Alex began corresponding regularly with Irene Small to ensure Annie's enrollment, to secure off-campus housing for her, and to pay her tuition in advance. After doing all that, only one thing remained to be done, and that was to tell Annie. Alex decided it would be best not to risk upsetting her with the news until after the baby was born.

Over the next few weeks, Alex cherished every moment with her, for he knew their time together was destined to end all too soon. Long walks in the rain. Making love by firelight.

Planning for the baby. Through it all, Alex pretended they had all the time in the world stretching before them. He never let on to Annie that he sometimes looked at her and imagined how empty his life was going to be without her.

Life without her... It was a possibility Alex couldn't completely discount. Annie had become his wife not by choice, but against her will. Over the months, she had learned to love him; he didn't doubt the sincerity of her feelings, not for a minute. But the bottom line was, it hadn't been an instant attraction. Most young women- and Annie was no different than any other-harbored romantic notions of meeting someone special, of being swept into his arms and carried off to live happily ever after. The fact that the fantasy usually lasted only as long as the honeymoon was beside the point and didn't stop girls from dreaming their dreams.

What if? Those two words haunted Alex, awake or asleep.

"What if, when Annie went away to school, she met a deaf man and fell wildly in love? He imagined her looking across a crowded room, straight into the eyes of Mr. Right. He pictured her waltzing in his arms, attending a play with him, laughing with him. A faceless man, a nameless man, someone with whom Annie would have things in common, most importantly a shared affliction and an inherent understanding of the difficulties that arose from it. At best, Alex could only guess how frustrated she must feel sometimes, not being able to communicate with other people, not being able to read their lips if they turned away while speaking to her. He tried. He truly did. But no matter how much he wanted to understand what it was like for her, he knew he never really would, not without experiencing deafness himself.

In dark moments, Alex remembered the sketch Annie had once drawn of herself without ears. In Albany, she would be like everyone else. If she met a man there, if she fell in love, who could blame her for not wanting to return to Hooperville, where she'd suffered so much pain and humiliation at the hands of others? Alex knew he couldn't. And therein lay the heartbreak. It was d.a.m.ned easy to love a woman enough to spend a lifetime with her. Loving her enough to set her free was another matter entirely.

It seemed to Alex that time flew by, carrying them relentlessly toward the day when Annie would leave him.

Christmas came and went. December gave way to January, and they began to mark off the days until Annie's due date. On the evening of the eighth, which was several days early, according to Daniel's calculations, Alex was in the water closet, was.h.i.+ng up before going to bed, when he heard Annie cry out. Heart in throat, he tore into the bedroom to find her standing before the armoire, her white nightgown soaked with pinkish fluid, her face pale with fright.

"Honey, it's all right. Your water just broke, that's all."

Christ! The baby was coming. Alex tore open dresser drawers, searching for a dry nightgown. Striving to appear calm when he actually was terrified, he helped her to change and then got her into bed before racing downstairs to find Maddy.

"Send Henry for Dr. Muir," he yelled. "Annie's having the baby! Her water broke. It's coming, Maddy. We have to get Daniel over here. Fast!"

Maddy stared at him long and hard. "Alex, methinks ye'd better calm down. It'll likely be hours before the la.s.s gives birth."

Alex gulped and rubbed a hand over his face. "Are you absolutely sure?''

Maddy calmly took off her soiled ap.r.o.n and put on a fresh one. "Of course I'm not sure. But, as I understand it, that's the usual way of things with the first baby."

Alex, relaxed slightly and took a deep breath. "I guess you're right. I am overreacting a little, aren't I?" He gestured weakly and chuckled. "It is just a baby coming, after all. I mean-well, women have babies every day. Right?"

Maddy marched past him. Throwing open the kitchen door, she poked her head into the room beyond and screamed, "Henry! Get yer a.r.s.e down here! The baby's comin'!"

So much for everyone remaining calm. On the way upstairs, Alex discovered that when she was scared, Maddy could d.a.m.ned near outrun him, even going uphill. He also discovered that, jogging abreast of each other, they tended to become stuck when they tried to pa.s.s through doorways.

During all this excitement, Annie had drifted off into a restless sleep. When Alex and Maddy reached his bedchamber and found her napping, they each pulled up a chair, one at either side of the bed, and sat down to stare at her stomach.

Every once in a while Annie would moan softly, at which times Alex felt sure her belly tightened. When he said as much to Maddy, she leaned forward to watch more closely.

"Ach! I believe ye're right. She's havin' a slight contraction."

Alex opened his watch. "It's fifteen after. Help me remember so we can accurately time them, all right?"

That was how Daniel found the three of them, Annie sound asleep, Alex and Maddy counting her pains. Upon seeing the doctor, Maddy said, "Now that the moment's upon us, me thinks egg layin' would've been easier."

Daniel couldn't help chuckling. "From the look of things, I'd say Annie's faring better than either of you. It may be a few hours before we get down to serious business, you know. I can sit with Annie while you two get some sleep, if you'd like."

"Sleep?" they echoed.

Daniel chuckled. "I suppose not." He rubbed his chin.

"Hmm ... Well, when there's a change, call me. I'll be stretched out in the study. If neither of you intends to get some rest, I can't see why I shouldn't."

Right before dawn, Alex ran down to the study to shake the doctor awake. "It's coming," he said shakily. "Hurry, Daniel.

She's in a bad way."

The physician sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, apparently in no hurry. "I could use a cup of coffee."

"Coffee?" Alex grabbed the man by his arm and jerked him up from the sofa. "My wife is giving birth! You don't have time for a G.o.dd.a.m.ned cup of coffee."

Several cups of coffee and nearly ten hours later, Annie went into hard labor. Alex refused to leave her side, much to Daniel's dismay. As a general rule, he didn't allow fathers to attend births. In his experience, most men didn't handle it well, and thus far, Alex hadn't shown any sign that he might prove to be an exception. As Annie's pains grew worse, however, Alex dug in and weathered the storm quite well, outwardly calm and doing all he could to soothe Annie when she became frightened.

"It's all right, sweetheart," he said, over and over. "I'm here."

Watching the two of them together, Daniel realized he had underestimated the love they felt for each other. No matter how excruciating her pain, Annie never took her gaze off Alex or let go of his hand. And, exhausted though Alex was, he never left the girl's side, not to have a meal, not to rest, not even to stretch his legs.

What touched Daniel most of all, though, was watching the two of them communicate in sign. More than once, he saw Alex moving his fingers against Annie's palm, talking to her-Daniel suspected he was saying he loved her-in an intimate way that no one else could interpret. When the climactic moment finally arrived, Daniel delivered the baby, but it was Alex who coached Annie through the ordeal, Alex who mopped her face and smoothed her hair, Alex who placed her son in her arms. "A boy, Annie," he said huskily. "Isn't he something? We have a son.''

When Daniel saw the tears in Alex Montgomery's eyes, he took it as his cue to leave the room and give the couple some privacy. Once in the hall, he leaned wearily against the wall, his gaze fixed blankly on the floor, his thoughts on Annie, Alex, and their marriage, which, until today, he had believed was little more than a convenient arrangement. Not so, he realized now. If ever he'd seen two people deeply in love, it was those two. Albany... In March, Annie would go away to school, leaving her husband behind. Daniel had sincerely believed it was the best thing for the girl. Now he was no longer so sure.

Watching Alex's face as he looked down at his son in her arms, Annie was filled with an indescribable joy. He looked both tender and fiercely protective, every line of his face taut with emotion. She understood the feelings, for she was experiencing them herself. Her baby. Her own tiny baby. In the s.p.a.ce of only a few minutes, she loved this tiny person so completely it was almost frightening.

Alex knelt beside the bed and curled an arm around the two of them. Blinking to keep her eyes open, for she was absolutely exhausted, Annie looked into his beloved face and smiled. She'd never felt so complete. In that moment, it struck her that, for the first time in her life, she could love without reservation. There were two people who needed her. Really needed her. She'd never felt needed before.

From girl to woman... Annie felt as though she'd made the journey almost overnight. But, oh, it was wonderful. Sleepily, she traced the handsome lines of Alex's dark face with her gaze. Then she looked down at her son. The warmth of his tiny body pressed against her breast was the most wondrous feeling she'd ever experienced. He resembled his papa, she decided.

A good thing. It would be a shame if he were to grow up and look like her.

On that thought, she closed her eyes, losing the battle against exhaustion. As she drifted off to sleep, she was filled with a sense of purpose. For years, she had slipped away to the attic to pretend she was somebody. From now on, there would be no need to pretend. Through this man and child, she had found definition.

Annie Montgomery ... wife and mother.

"Thank G.o.d I'm sterile," Alex said to Daniel a short while later when they met downstairs in the study. "Never again. I never want her to go through that again." Daniel smiled to himself and leaned a shoulder against the rock face of the fireplace. "I don't mean to be the voice of doom, my man, but what if you aren't?"

"Castrate me."

Daniel threw back his head and laughed. Alex shot him a glare. "I don't know what you think is so d.a.m.ned funny. That poor girl. My G.o.d, I've never seen anything like it." His eyes darkened with worry. "Will she heal? Back like she was, I mean?"

Daniel considered the question. "Well, a certain amount of stretching has occurred. A woman can never provide as tight a fit for her husband after the babies start coming along."

A fiery glint entered Alex's eyes. "Jesus Christ, Daniel! I don't care if I have to tie a two-by-four to my a.s.s to keep from falling in. That wasn't what I was asking. I want to know if she's going to be all right inside. Has this caused any permanent injury?''

"Of course not. She'll be right as rain in four weeks. If you're truly dead set against putting any more bread in her oven, come see me before the time has elapsed and I'll advise you on precautionary measures. You needn't worry about it now."

Alex sank into a chair and sighed. "I don't need to worry about it, period.''

"If you don't want more children, I suggest you take precautions, nonetheless. True, you had the mumps and there were complications. But I've seen men recover from worse cases and go on to sire children."

"Not me. I'm sterile, I tell you."

"You've been a.s.sociating only with prost.i.tutes, Alex. That kind of woman protects herself. How the h.e.l.l can you possibly know if you're sterile?"

"How do you know what kind of women I've a.s.sociated with?''

"Gossip."

"Gossip?"

Muir smiled slightly. "You're a very eligible bachelor and not given to promiscuous behavior. On those rare occasions when you went into town, tongues wagged about it for a month. I presumed you were patronizing Kate's place. Was I wrong?"

Alex ran a hand over his face. "No, you weren't wrong."

Now that he thought about it, Alex supposed Kate's girls did take precautions to prevent pregnancy. "And your point is well-taken, Daniel. I suppose there is a minute possibility that I'm not sterile." He flashed the doctor a stricken look. "G.o.d help me, if I get that girl pregnant again, I'll shoot myself."

Daniel couldn't help chuckling at his horrified expression.

"The next time will be easier on her, son. Trust me, she's perfectly made to deliver a dozen healthy babies."