A Select Collection of Old English Plays
Chapter 178 : PARDONER.Yea, marry, will I, as long as thou dost smite.-- [_Enter the Curate_.PARSON

PARDONER.

Yea, marry, will I, as long as thou dost smite.--

[_Enter the Curate_.

PARSON (OR CURATE).

Hold your hands, a vengeance on ye both two, That ever ye came hither to make this a-do!

To pollute my church, a mischief on you light!

I swear to you, by G.o.d Almight, Ye shall both repent, every vein of your heart, As sore as ye did ever thing, ere ye depart.

FRIAR.

Master Parson, I marvel ye will give licence To this false knave in this audience, To publish his ragman-rolls[178] with lies I desired him, i-wis, more than once or twice To hold his peace, till that I had done; But he would hear no more than the man in the moon--

PARDONER.

Why should I suffer thee more than thou me?

Master Parson gave me licence before thee; And I would thou knowest it, I have relics here Other manner stuff than thou dost bear.

I will edify more with the sight of it, Than will all the prating of holy writ; For that except that the preacher himself live well, His predication will help never a dell, And I know well that thy living is nought: Thou art an apostate, if it were well sought.

An homicide thou art, I know well enough, For myself knew where that thou slough A wench with thy dagger in a couch: And yet, as thou say'st in thy sermon, that no man shall touch.

PARSON.

No more of this wrangling in my church!

I shrew your hearts both for this lurch: Is there any blood shed here between these knaves?

Thanked be G.o.d they had no staves Nor edge-tools;[179] for then it had been wrong.

Well, ye shall sing another song!

Neighbour Prat, come hither, I you pray--

PRAT.

Why, what is this nice fray?

PARSON.

I cannot tell you; one knave disdains another; Wherefore take ye the one, and I shall take the other.

We shall bestow them there as is most convenient; For such a couple, I trow, they shall repent That ever they met in this church here.

Neighbour, ye be constable; stand ye near, Take ye that lay knave, and let me alone With this gentleman; by G.o.d and by Saint John, I shall borrow upon priesthood somewhat; For I may say to thee, neighbour Prat, It is a good deed to punish such, to the ensample Of such other, how that they shall mell In like fas.h.i.+on, as these caitiffs do.

PRAT.

In good faith, Master Parson, if ye do so, Ye do but well to teach them to beware.

PARDONER.

Master Prat, I pray ye me to spare; For I am sorry for that that is done; Wherefore I pray ye forgive me soon, For that I have offended within your liberty; And by my troth, sir, ye may trust me I will never come hither more, While I live, and G.o.d before.

PRAT.

Nay, I am once charged with thee, Wherefore, by Saint John, thou shalt not escape me, Till thou hast scoured a pair of stocks.

PARSON.

Tut, he weeneth all is but mocks!

Lay hand on him; and come ye on, sir friar, Ye shall of me hardly have your hire; Ye had none such this seven year, I swear by G.o.d and by our lady dear.

PARDONER.

Nay, Master Parson, for G.o.d's pa.s.sion, Intreat[180] not me after that fas.h.i.+on; For, if ye do, it will not be for your honesty.

PARSON.

Honesty or not, but thou shall see, What I shall do by and by: Make no struggling, come forth soberly: For it shall not avail thee, I say.

FRIAR.

Marry, that shall we try even straightway.

I defy the churl priest, and there be no more than thou.

I will not go with thee, I make G.o.d a vow.

We shall see first which is the stronger: G.o.d hath sent me bones; I do thee not fear.

PARSON.

Yea, by thy faith, wilt thou be there?

Neighbour Prat, bring forth that knave, And thou, sir friar, if thou wilt algates[181] rave.

FRIAR.

Nay, churl, I thee defy!

I shall trouble thee first; Thou shalt go to prison by and by; Let me see, now do thy worst!

[_Prat with the Pardoner and the Parson with the Friar_.