A Select Collection of Old English Plays
Chapter 232 : HYPOCRISY.Then you shall see my cunning: A poor s.h.i.+ft for a living Amongest poor m

HYPOCRISY.

Then you shall see my cunning: A poor s.h.i.+ft for a living Amongest poor men used is; The kind heart of hers Hath eased my purse, Many a time ere this.

[_Here entereth_ FELLOWs.h.i.+P.

FELLOWs.h.i.+P.

I marvel greatly where Friends.h.i.+p is; He promised to meet me here ere this time: I beshrew his heart, that his[111] promise doth miss; And then be ye sure, it shall not be mine.

HYPOCRISY.

Yes, Fellows.h.i.+p, that it shall be thine, For I have tarried here this hour or twain; And this honest gentleman in my company hath been, To abide your coming, this thing is plain.

FELLOWs.h.i.+P.

By the ma.s.s, if you chide, I will[112] be gone again; For in faith, Friends.h.i.+p, I may say to thee, I love not to be there, where chiders be.

HYPOCRISY.

No, G.o.d it knoweth, you are so full of honesty, As a mary-bone is full of honey: But, sirrah, I pray you, bid this gentleman welcome, For he is desirous in your company to come: I tell you he is a man of the right making; And one that hath excellent learning; At his girdle he hath such a book, That the Popish priests dare not in him look: This is a fellow for the nonce.

FELLOWs.h.i.+P.

I love him the better, by G.o.d's[113] precious bones: You are heartily welcome, as I may say, I shall desire you of better acquaintance;[114]

That of your company be bold I may, You may be sure, if in me it lie To do you pleasure, you should it find: For, by the ma.s.s, I love you both with heart and mind.

JUVENTUS.

To say the same to you your gentleness doth me bind; And I thank you heartily for your kindness.

HYPOCRISY.

Well[115] you see this gentleman fines[116]

Your gentleness and your kindness, I thank him, and I thank you; And I think, if the truth were sought,[117]

The one bad and the other naught, Never a good, I make G.o.d a vow!

But yet, Fellows.h.i.+p, tell me one thing, Did you see little Bess this morning?

We should have our breakfast yesternight, she said, But she hath forgotten it now, I am afraid.

FELLOWs.h.i.+P.

Her promise shall be performed and paid; For I spake with her, since the time I rose, And then she told me how the matter goeth: We must be with her between eight and nine, And then her master and mistress will be at the preaching.

JUVENTUS.

I purposed myself there to have been; But this man provoked me to the contrary, And told me that we should have merry company.

FELLOWs.h.i.+P.

Merry, quod-a? we cannot choose but be merry; For there is such a girl where as we go, Which will make us to[118] be merry, whether we will or no.

HYPOCRISY.

The ground is the better on the which she doth go; For she will make better cheer with that[119] little, which she can get, Than many a[120] one can with a great banket of meat.

JUVENTUS.

To be in her company my heart is set; Therefore, I pray you, let us be gone.

FELLOWs.h.i.+P.

She will come for us[121] herself anon; For I told her before, where we would stand, And then, she said, she would beck us with her hand.

JUVENTUS.

Now, by the ma.s.s, I perceive that she is a gallant: What, will she take pains to come for us. .h.i.ther?

HYPOCRISY.

Yea, I warrant you; therefore you must be familiar with her: When she cometh in place, You must her embrace Somewhat handsomely; Lest she think it[122] danger, Because you are a stranger, To come in your company.

JUVENTUS.

Yea,[123] by G.o.d's foot, that I will be busy, And I may say to you, I can play the knave secretly.

[_Here entereth_ ABHOMINABLE LIVING.[124]

ABHOMINABLE LIVING.

Hem! come away quickly, The back door is open;[125] I dare not tarry: Come, Fellows.h.i.+p, come on away!

HYPOCRISY.

What, Unknown Honesty? a word!

[_Draws_ A. L. _aside_.[126]

You shall not go yet, by G.o.d I swear; Here is none but your friends, you need not to fray, Although, this strange young gentleman be here.

JUVENTUS.

I trust, in me she will think no danger; For I love well the company of fair women.

ABHOMINABLE LIVING.

Who, you? nay, ye are such a holy man, That to touch one ye dare not be bold; I think,[127] you would not kiss a young woman, If one would give you twenty pound in gold.

JUVENTUS.

Yes, by the ma.s.s, that I would; I could find in my heart to kiss you in your smock.

ABHOMINABLE LIVING.

My back is broad enough to bear away that mock For one hath told me many a time, That you[128] have said you would use no such wanton company as mine.

JUVENTUS.

By dog's[129] precious wounds, that was some wh.o.r.eson[130] villain; I will never eat meat that shall do me good, Till I have cut his flesh, by G.o.d's precious blood: Tell me, I pray you, who it was, And I will trim the knave, by the blessed ma.s.s.

ABHOMINABLE LIVING.

Tus.h.!.+ as for that, do not you pa.s.s; That which I told you was but for love.

HYPOCRISY.

She did nothing else but prove, Whether a little[131] thing would you move To be angry and fret; What, and if one had said so?

Let such trifling matters go, And be good to men's flesh for all that.

JUVENTUS [_He kisseth_ ABHOMINABLE LIVING.]

To kiss her since she came, I had clean forgot: You are welcome to my company.

ABHOMINABLE LIVING.

Sir, I thank you most heartily; By your kindness it doth appear.

HYPOCRISY.

What a hurly-burly is here!

Smick smack, and all this gear!

You will to tick-tack,[132] I fear, If you[133] had time: Well, wanton, well; I-wis, I can tell, That such smock-smell Will set your nose out of tune.