Memoirs of Aaron Burr
Chapter 85 : JOHN M. TAYLOR.FROM MRS. *******.New-York, February 9, 1807.At the sight of my writing

JOHN M. TAYLOR.

FROM MRS. *******.

New-York, February 9, 1807.

At the sight of my writing you will exclaim--" She is unhappy, or she would not write to me." 'Tis not so, my dear friend; I am neither more nor less happy than when you left here. With every pa.s.sing day I have resolved to inform you of my health, but from day to day it has been deferred, till I suppose my very existence is forgotten. Let me, then, awaken your recollection, by presenting to you the image of my thoughts, and retrace, however faintly, the impression I once flattered myself to have made on your memory.

Tell me how you do, and how you pa.s.s your time. Taking lessons of Wisdom from your Minerva? or flying after the Atalanta's of Virginia, more swift than their celebrated racers? or, more probably, poring over musty records; offering your time, your pleasures, your health, at the shrine of Fame; sacrificing your own good for that of the public; pursuing a chimera which ever has and ever will mock the grasp; for, however the end may be crowned with success, the motives will be questioned, and that justice which has been refused to a Regulus, a Brutus, a Publius, who can hope for?

I once admired for device a _skyrocket_, and for motto--_Let me perish so I be exalted_." I afterward changed my opinion, and preferred the _glow-worm_ twinkling in a hedge. But I now reject them both. They strike for a moment, but neither of them are impressive; and it is thus, in changing, we pursue that something "which prompts, the eternal sigh," which never is, which never can be attained. These reflections arise continually on my reading the newspapers, where your actions are so freely canva.s.sed and so illiberally censured. They often excite my wrath; but when I consider that my anger can no more check their calumnies than the splendour of your reputation be clouded by their impotent attempts, my indignation subsides, and I console myself by saying,

"Vain his attempt who strives to please them all."

Z.

TO THEODOSIA.

Was.h.i.+ngton, February 21, 1802.

Your letter of the 31st, accompanied by a note dated 1st February, came by the mail of yesterday. A few lines from Mr. Alston, received some days before, advised me of your journey to Clifton, and of the distressing occasion. My heart sinks within me when I think of that lovely and disconsolate woman. Your conduct was worthy of you and of my daughter. She must be restored to reason and to life, by being convinced that she has some motive for enduring existence. If no other can be shown, at least she can be persuaded that she is necessary to you. But I learn from your letter, though you say nothing of it, that although she feels with anguish, yet she will not sink into despondency. This testifies a mind of that dignity and firmness which you had taught me to expect.

Nothing could have been more fortunate than the revival of the project. It will divert the attention and summon up the spirits. You must not condemn; it would be better to cherish it. Enter into all the details. Transport yourselves to Europe, and there take a nearer view and more accurate estimate of the dangers and advantages. Let those who oppose it offer something in lieu. What! is she to wear out her youth and beauty, dissipate her talents, and exhaust her spirits without an object in life or a place in society? Without enjoyment, without distinction? These hints will make you think I may hereafter say more.

My life has no variety, and, of course, no incident. To my feelings your letters are the most important occurrence. I am blessed with three of them in three months. It did not use to be so. It would be no excessive encroachment on your precious time to give me an hour twice a week the evening preceding the post days. This I shall expect; _and then_, and after one more communication, to be presently mentioned, I will write definitely as to my spring projects.

It is of sculpture: a hint in your last indicates that you have something in view. Be pleased to give me name and description, in some mystical, sybillistical way, which, in case of robbery of mail, will not disclose too much. One letter may contain the name, and another the comment--_"Car ou l'arreter?_" is rather too mystical. I can make nothing of it, having studied it a full hour to no purpose.

I entreat that you will always enclose your letter in a blank sheet, on which is to be the seal and superscription. Health and blessings.

A. BURR.

TO THEODOSIA Was.h.i.+ngton, February 23, 1802.

On the 4th day of March next I propose to write you of certain matters and things of high import, heretofore touched, but not elucidated to the entire satisfaction of all the parties concerned, if, in the mean time, you shall be of good behaviour.

This, however, was not what I sat down to say, nor can I by any possible means recollect what it was; but, in truth, I had something to communicate or something to ask. I don't know which. That we have a great snow storm and cold weather (now) will be no news to you, for they will undoubtedly both be at Charleston long before this letter.

I project, as you may have understood, a journey southward at some time, yet nameless, during the current year (or century). Now, if my evil stars or good ones should, against my will and my judgment, take me through Norfolk, I am ruined and done; and there my journey will most infallibly end. That I had better be hanged or drowned, you will readily agree. The antidote or preventative is in your hands, or, if you please, head. The bust, slightly referred to in the letter of the 1st of February, has occupied some of my waking and sleeping moments.

Be more particular, and especially the estimated value in dollars and cents; also, in what year or era manufactured, and the character and merit of the work, as it strikes your fancy, but with some minuteness.

You know my rage for sculpture has cost me some money and led me into some bad bargains. Thank G.o.d, I have got rid of them _all._ If you will have _Pet_ or _Peet, Peter, Peter Yates, Peter Alston, Petrus Burr_ (or by every other name he may be known) taught to write a good hand, and make me a present of him, I will subscribe myself your very much obliged and humble servant,

A. BURR.

Footnotes:

1. The author of "A History of John Adams's Administration." This letter relates to the suppression of that book, which, although its publication was suspended for a time, was published according to the advice of General John Swartwout and M. L. Davis

2. Sister of Mrs. Madison.

3. Daughter of Commodore James Nicholson, and sister of Mrs. Gallatin.

4. Samuel Osgood, Commissioner of Internal Revenue

CHAPTER XII.

TO THEODOSIA.

Was.h.i.+ngton, February 22, 1802.

Never were orders obeyed with more prompt.i.tude and effect. It is not twelve hours since I desired (directed) you to write, and lo! a letter dated the 9th of February. And even "enclosed in a blank sheet of paper." A zealous manifestation of reciprocity is due to such respectful attention, and thus, in obedience to the high commands of T. B. A., I do most sincerely and devoutly execrate all the postboys and the legislatures of the two most n.o.ble states the Carolinas.

You women: it is so with you all. If one wishes to exhibit the best side, one must provoke you. Gratify your wishes and expectations, or, still worse, antic.i.p.ate them, and it produces a lethargy. How have I laboured for three months, working and writing to please a certain lady: nothing comes but inanity and torpor. I provoke her, and behold the effusions of spirit and genius. Be a.s.sured that I shall not speedily relapse into the same error. Indeed, I knew all this before; but I thought it was only one's mistress that was to be thus managed--it is s.e.x.

For certain reasons of state, neither the name nor the epitaph can yet be given ; nor can it now be said precisely when. The verses are allowed to be very beautiful. Those on the anniversary of the wedding were received (this day) in the presence of two poets and a poetess, who said handsome things of them. The _ess_ being a maiden of thirty-five, drew a deep sigh.

Indeed, it is impossible to say, for I never before heard of such a thing as that any public body should "ajourn." They do commonly adjourn; and if, perchance, this should be what you mean, and you shall write me so, I will do my best to give you a categorical answer.

Natalie arrived at Orleans on the twenty-sixth day; meaning that she had twenty-six days' pa.s.sage. She has written both from Orleans and Nantz. Her letters are full of good sense, of acute observation, of levity, of gravity, and affection. No news of her mother, Adieu,

A. BURR.

TO THEODOSIA.

Was.h.i.+ngton, February 26, 1802.

The arrival of your letter of the 14th justifies me in noticing you by this mail. Your newspapers of the same date, and also of the 15th, contain particulars of the races; but so technically expressed that I comprehend nothing of it. Your story is quite intelligible as far forth as it is legible. I am very glad that Papa Alston has won once.

It is, I am told, the first time in his life. Where is Hampton all this while, that you say nothing of him? Already I have told you that on the 4th of March I shall say something of the adjournment, if, in the mean time, you behave well. I shall not go first to New-York. Send back your chairs. General Smith's carriage has just ran away with four ladies, viz.: Mrs. Smith, Miss Speare, Miss Smith, and Mrs. Law. Miss Smith was taken up dead, and brought home dead. After twenty-five minutes she began to show signs of life. In two hours she began to know those about her, and now (three hours) she is perfectly well; and having been stripped and thoroughly examined, it cannot be discovered that she has received the slightest injury, save being frightened to death, as before mentioned. Miss Speare came off unhurt. Mrs. Smith and Mrs. Law are much bruised. You will, I hope, understand that the horses ran off with the carriage, and not that the carriage, of its own mere motion, ran off with the ladies. Adieu.

A. BURR.

TO THEODOSIA.

Was.h.i.+ngton, February 27, 1802.