A Select Collection of Old English Plays
Chapter 7 : NUR. Upon my virginity, wonderful handsome: dear, when we are married, I'll have su

NUR. Upon my virginity, wonderful handsome: dear, when we are married, I'll have such a one; shall I not, chicken, ha?

GIO. What else, kind nurse?

NUR. Truly you tailors are the most sanctified members of a kingdom: how many crooked and untoward bodies have you set upright, that they go now so straight in their lives and conversation, as the proudest on them all?

GIO. That's certain, none prouder.

EVAD. How mean you, sir?

GIO. Faith, madam, your crooked movables in artificial bodies, that rectify the deformity of nature's overplus, as bunching backs: or scarcity, as scanty shoulders--are the proudest creatures; you shall have them jet it with an undaunted boldness; for the truth is, what they want in substance they have in air: they will scold the tailor out of his art, and impute the defect of nature to his want of skill, though his labour make her appearance pride-worthy.

NUR. Well said, my bird's-nye, stand for the credit of tailors whilst thou livest; wilt thou not, chuck? Ha, say'st thou, my dear?

GIO. I were ungrateful else.

EVAD. Nurse, pray leave us, your presence makes your sweetheart negligent of what he comes about; pray, be won to leave us here.

NUR. Madam, your will's obey'd: Yet I can hardly pa.s.s from thee, my love, At such a sudden warning.

GIO. Your eager love may be termed dotage; For shame! confine[20] yourself to less expressions, [And] leave my lady.

NUR. A kiss, and then I go; so, farewell, my duck.

[_Exit._

GIO. Death, she has left a scent to poison me; Love her, said she? is any man so mad to hug a disease, Or embrace a colder image than Pygmalion's, Or play with the bird of Frosty antiquity? not I: Her gums stink worse than a pest-house, And more danger of infecting.

[_Aside._

As I'm a mortal tailor, and your servant, madam, Her breath has tainted me: I dare not salute Your ladys.h.i.+p.

EVAD. Come, you are loth to part with't, 'tis so sweet.

GIO. Sweet, say you, madam? a muster of diseases Can't smell worse than her rotten teeth.

Excuse my boldness, to defer your longing; Thus I am new-created with your breath.

[_Kisses._

My gaping pores will ne'er be satisfied.

Again!--they still are hungry.

EVAD. My dear friend, let not thy lovely person March with the scolding peace-affrighting drum: War is too cruel: come, I'll chain You here--here in my arms; and stifle you With kisses; you sha' not go--by this, you sha' not go.

GIO. By this, I must.

[_He kisses her._

EVAD. I'll smother that harsh breath.

[_She kisses him._

GIO. Again I countercheck it.

[_Kiss._

_Enter_ ANTONIO, _as pursued; he sees them, and stands amazed_.

ANT. O sister! ha!

What killing sight is this? cannot be she.

Sister.

EVAD. O my dear friend, my brother! w' are undone.

ANT. Degenerate girl, lighter than wind or air!

Canst thou forget thy birth? or, 'cause thou'rt fair, Art privileg'd, dost think, with such a zeal To grasp an under-shrub? dare you exchange Breath with your tailors without fear of vengeance From the disturbed ghosts of our dead parents, For their blood's injury? or are your favours Grown prost.i.tute to all? my unkind fate Grieves me not half so much as thee forgetful.

GIO. Sir, if on me this language, I must tell you, You are too rash to censure. My unworthiness, That makes me[21] seem so ugly in your eyes, Perhaps hangs in these clothes, and's s.h.i.+fted off with them.

I am as n.o.ble, but that I hate to make Comparisons, as any you can think worthy To be call'd her husband.

ANT. Shred of a slave, thou liest!

GIO. Sir, I am hasty too; yet, in the presence of My mistress [I] can use a temper.

ANT. [O] brave! your mistress!

_Enter_ MACHIAVEL _with Officers_.

MACH. Lay hold on him!

Ere we presume to meet the enemy, We'll purge the city; lest the wrath of Heaven Fall heavy on us. Antonio, I arrest thee Of capital treason 'gainst the king and realm.

To prison with him!

EVAD. O my lost brother!

GIO. 'Tis but an error; treason, d'ye call it, to kill The governor in heat of blood, and not intended?

For my Evadne's sake, something I'll do Shall save his life.

[_Exit._

MACH. To prison with him!

ANT. Farewell, Evadne, as thou lovest the peace Of our dead ancestors, cease to love So loath'd a thing; a tailor!

Why, 'tis the scorn of all; therefore be rul'd By thy departing brother, do not mix With so much baseness.

Come, officers, bear me e'en where you please, My oppress'd conscience nowhere can have ease.

[_Exit with Officers._

MACH. Lady, we here enjoin you to Your chamber As a prisoner, to wait a further censure; Your brother's fault has pull'd a punishment Upon your head, which you must suffer.