Kuzu to Kinka no Qualidea
Chapter 4 : News Topics in j.a.panese Science Today’s News Topics An Unknown Encounter with Voyager

News Topics in j.a.panese Science
Today’s News Topics

An Unknown Encounter with Voyager 2?
=NASA: “The irregularities in the incoming data cannot be explained…”

[Popular Series] Solar Physics Lecture No. 666
Has Mankind Forgotten His Dream to Reach the Sky…?

Doubts about “Metal Traces” Found in 230 Million Year-old Meteorite
=Heated Exchange between Researchers at Snap Meeting…

Death of Cambridge Professor
=Predicted the Existence of Wormholes; in Later Years He Predicted Tragedy…

Arrest of Man who Claims: “The Aliens Will Come Again…”
Scribbles Found in Science Museum in Tokyo’s Taito Ward…

The Continued Failure of Rocket Launches
“Unknown Causes”: Citizens Losing Faith…

Haruma-1

The short homeroom period functions much like a starting gate. At the signal announcing the end of school, the racers inside the cla.s.sroom make their move.

However, not all those gathered here were thoroughbreds, picked and bred for the occasion. They ranged from swift horses to fillies, packhorses to a.s.ses, piglets to racc.o.o.n dogs. There were foxes, cats, Mount Fuji, hawks, eggplants—well, you get the picture (1). The cla.s.sroom was a place where different tribes duked it out in a game of thrones. Among those buzzing, prattling voices, reverberating through the room like little ripples, one could make out a horse’s whinny, a wolf’s howl and even a frog’s croak. In the midst of all this croaking and croooooaking, I, too, had been crying for some time now.

Between the school club goers, movie/karaoke goers and the lazy-a.s.ses-who-would-come-up-with-something, everyone had their afterschool plans in mind as they turned their gazes towards the teacher’s platform.

“Lately, there have been reports of young people going missing. Are you all aware of this?” asked the homeroom teacher Kuriu-sensei in a composed tone of voice one might also describe as bland. “Be careful going home if you finish late because of club activities and whatnot. No stopping for detours or going out after dark.”

As she spoke, she raised a stern finger and gazed slowly around the room at each and every student, not that the students were having any of it. The complaints poured out of them like squeals from a bunch of piglets.

“Aww!”

“That stinks!”

The whining rose to a crescendo from boys and girls alike, sweeping through the entire cla.s.sroom. The only one who didn’t get defiant was basically the person who ignored the entire conversation in favour of internet news topics—me.

Kuriu-sensei lightly clapped her hands in an effort to stifle the dissenting voices. “I understand that you want to have fun. But if something were ever to happen to all of you, I would be very sad… so please show me your happy faces tomorrow. All right, that ends today’s homeroom. Goodbye, everyone.”

The moment she uttered those gentle parting words, all h.e.l.l broke loose from the students.

There were some who launched themselves out of the cla.s.sroom, others who hung around chattering in a group, and still others who beckoned over here or over there. Each and every one of them had been liberated by that wrinkle in time known as “the afterschool hours”.

These people can be sorted into three broad categories.

First, there are the goody-two-shoes club-goers. Some pour themselves into their club activities day and night, while others chill out and have a good time. Generally speaking, however, they all spend most of their school life doing club activities.

Next, we have the popular clique. They’re keenly aware of the link between work and school, and thus mainly live their lives in the pursuit of afterschool fun: karaoke, bowling, darts, billiards and, last but not least, love-related matters. Their quintessential high school lives overflow with youthful radiance. They’re pretty much the kind of people who tend to use phrases like “all-nighter”, “glugging” and “getting smashed”.

Finally, let’s not forget the “my way is the highway” people who live for their hobbies. In all likelihood, their anime, manga and games were shunned in ages past. While they might still be seen as social outcasts in today’s world, they don’t experience that fate at this school. Both s.e.xes are equally enthusiastic about the current anime season and their favourite seiyuu. Those kids have a lot of influence in this cla.s.s.

These three groups intermingled, only occasionally breaking away into clearly defined cliques. They were woven into the very fabric of school life. Even the most diligent club-goer falls in love, and the popular kids read Weekly Shonen Jump. The otaku go out in mixed-gender groups to sing karaoke on their way home from school. In fact, messy love problems were a relatively common affair in the otaku circle. Specifically, it’s awkward when so many ugly people make out in public.

Kids these days—they’re ruled by their hormones. Their lives are full of illicit fraternising. Man, they mingle with alien species so much it makes me wonder if they want to work for NASA. It takes one short hour for them to say, I’ll be right here.

Castes and groups may vary, but they all offer the same things: friends.h.i.+p, love, hobbies—and a way to live out one’s youth. However, to compensate, one is bound hand and foot by time, appointments and social obligations.

What a sad state of affairs…

Ordinarily, controlling time and people’s plans is what an overlord would do, but even that is beyond their capabilities… Ahaha! What a shame! Sucks to be them! Between me and them, it should be obvious who deserves pity!

TRANSLATOR’S NOTES

(1) A j.a.panese superst.i.tion states that it is good luck to dream of Mount Fuji, a hawk and an eggplant on your first night after the New Year.