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Jokes Book Collection Novel Chapters
List of most recent chapters published for the Jokes Book Collection novel. A total of 473 chapters have been translated and the release date of the last chapter is Apr 02, 2024
Latest Release: Chapter 1 : PART I.CHAPTER 1.THE EARLY DAYS.Johnny has always reckoned that being born is like comin
PART I.CHAPTER 1.THE EARLY DAYS.Johnny has always reckoned that being born is like coming out of the cinema in the afternoon having watched a romantic film - all that bright light and everyone crying.Johnny's was a notable birth. He was so ugly the n
- 401 'Impossible,' said the embarra.s.sed man, 'You really know what I think?''Yes', the lady replied, 'Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom.'A Bear and a Rabbit.A bear and a rabbit
- 402 An old farmer is outside for a walk around his land when he sees a sign on his neighbor's lawn; "Horse for Sale". Curious, he decides to have a look-see.As he approaches his neighbor's stable, he sees his old Italian friend brus.h.i.+n
- 403 Funeral Procession.A man was leaving a Stop n' Go with his morning coffee and newspaper when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hea.r.s.e was followed by another long black hea.r.s.e about 50 fe
- 404 Lonely Frog.A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds.His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."The frog is thrilled, &quo
- 405 Porcupine."What's the difference between the North American porcupine and the African porcupine," the society matron asked the zookeeper."The princ.i.p.al difference is the North American species has a longer p.r.i.c.k."This, as y
- 406 The Dead Frog.One day a twelve-year-old walks into a house of ill-repute dragging a dead frog on a string behind him, he slaps a hundred-dollar bill on the counter and says, "I want one of your women." The madam looks at him and says "Don&#
- 407 Good 'ol Gary Lising.My name is Gary Lising. Secretary of Health Juan Flavier once said that I have a very nice name-for a disease.I was voted as the s.e.x symbol of a.s.sumption College because according to them, I am the only entertainer that looks
- 408 Q: Is Winnie the Pooh a girl or a boy?A: A girl kase kung boy eh di sana Winnie The Ti!Q: Ano ang pagkakaiba ng ulap sa panty?A: Pag hinawi mo ang ulap, ulap pa rin. Pag hinawi mo ang panty....WOW Heaven!!!!Q: Ano ang pagkakaiba ng talong sa kalabasa?A: A
- 409 You can rub it and scrub it and brush it like h.e.l.l, But you will never get rid of that f.u.c.ken fish smell.Can't go to School."I have the measles and the mumps, A gash, a rash and purple b.u.mps.My mouth is wet, my throat is dry.I'm goi
- 410 Remember When...A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show of note a window was something you hated to clean...And ram was the cousin of a goat....Meg was the name of my girlfriend and gig was a job for the nights now they all mean differe
- 411 An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his career path... so they decided to do a small test.They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of wh
- 412 "W-w-w-w-w-well, l g-g-g-go up t-t-t-t-to th-the d-d-d-door and-d-d l-l--l s-s-s-say, w-w-w-w-would y-y-y-y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-b-buy a c-c-copy o-o-of th-th-th-the b-b-b-bible, or w-w-w- w-w-would y-y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-like m-m-me t-t-
- 413 Buying a Bra.A drunk advised the clerk that he wanted to buy a bra for his wife.Clerk: Here are several styles to choose from, sir.Drunk: This one will do the job!Clerk: Do you know the size that your wife requires,sir?Drunk: 7 1/2.Clerk: I'm sorry,
- 414 Counterfeit Bills.A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pa.s.s off his phony $18 bills would be in some small hick Texas town.So, he got into his new wheels and off he went.He found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the store and ha
- 415 I used to Be.I used to work in an orange juice factory, until I got canned. Yeah, they put the squeeze on me, said I couldn't concentrate. You know, same old boring rind over and over again.I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it,
- 416 Measuring Height.A group of men were given the a.s.signment to measure the height of a flagpole.So the men go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures. They're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a
- 417 A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants."Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want
- 418 Tattoo on p.e.n.i.s.A man walks into a tattoo parlor and says to the tattoo artist, "Do you tattoo p.e.n.i.ses?"The tattoo artist looks confused and says, "It's a pretty difficult thing and very painful, but if you really want one you
- 419 Finally the computer engineer gets down to see what is wrong and checks the car for almost an hour and says: "can you please reset the car?"Tickle Me Elmo Doll.A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made "Tickle me E
- 420 Last time the circus came to town, an ad for an animal trainer was placed in the local paper.Only two applicants showed up, a male and a female.The owner said he could only afford one animal trainer, so he would choose the one with the best act.At first g
- 421 A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions."He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, &
- 422 One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. "I'm looking' for the meanest, roughest and toughest wh.o.r.e in the Yukon!" he said to the bartender.&
- 423 Trade in for a Job.The madam of a wh.o.r.ehouse is having a great year for business, so she decides to divide her reception area in half so she'll have another bedroom.She calls a carpenter in to do the work. He puts up the wall and when he's fi
- 424 Young Ventriloquist.A young ventriloquist is touring the South and stops to entertain at a bar in Texas.He's going through his usual stupid Redneck jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says "I've heard just about enough
- 425 "I don't want to talk about it," she said. "Just come and take me home."So her father drove to her New England home. Arriving there, richly ornate gold gates opened electronically, and he drove along a wide, straight drive lined w
- 426 A Drunken Man.A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and wanders over to the confessional box. He opens the door, sits down and says nothing.The bewildered priest waits for a few minutes, allowing the drunken man some time to collect his thoughts.
- 427 Brother in Law can Pay.A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was rea.s.sured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed."Mr. Smi
- 428 Dividing the Collection Plate.A rabbi, a priest and a minister were discussing how they divided up the collection plate after services.The minister explained that he drew a circle on the ground, tossed the collection in the air. All the money that landed
- 429 Good Sermon.After years of his wife's pleading, this rich good ole boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand He said, "R
- 430 Moses at the Egyptian Ghetto.Moses is sitting in the Egyptian ghetto, things are going terrible: the Pharaoh won't even talk to him, the rest of the Hebrews are mad at him for making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He's about
- 431 So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked: "Oh G.o.d, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbor, who doesn't even believe in you and certain
- 432 The New Nun's Secret The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret. The priest then tells her that her secret is safe in the sanct.i.ty of the confessional.She says, "Father, I never wear panties u
- 433 He asks them, "How come you all play such good golf?"The lead rabbi said, "When you live a religious life, join and attend temple, you are rewarded."Mulhaney loves golf and figures, what do I have to lose. So he finds a temple close to
- 434 A physically large guy meets a woman at a bar, and after a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place.As they are making out in the bedroom, ready for the act, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his s.h.i.+rt off, he flexes his m
- 435 Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one."Well... not exactly." his friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it.""Oh
- 436 "When I realized that I couldn't satisfy my wife's insatiable s.e.x appet.i.te," the man said to his drinking buddy, "I bought her quite an a.s.sortment of every s.e.x toy made, thinking that would keep her faithful.""Di
- 437 The younger the better.The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.s.e.x discriminates against the shy and the ugly.Before you find your hand
- 438 Pay Back.Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table
- 439 He shot back acidly, "Well, it's not used to playing in cathedrals."Spread the Legs Farther.A young couple were banging away like there was no tomorrow, when the boy stopped and asked the girl to spread her legs farther apart, which she eag
- 440 Clock Shop.Rosco was wandering through a mall one day, and he happened upon a clock shop with a gorgeous lady working at the desk.Rosco walked right up to the desk, whipped out his p.e.n.i.s, and put it right next to the lady.The lady was alarmed and said
- 441 "You have to see what we just got in", he said, "It's the latest thing out". With that he took out a package from under the counter and raised the lid showing the customer a strange looking object."What's that?", as
- 442 The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?""Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!&qu
- 443 An inst.i.tution for the mentally ill arranged for its patients to attend a baseball game. The director spent days training the patients to obey his commands, so there wouldn't be any trouble.The day of the game was bright and sunny and the group arr
- 444 The old man moans and replies, "Yes..... Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!"A Good Y2K Bug.>From: Automated Payroll Processing Dept.>Date: January 1, 2000 >Subject: Vacation Pay Dear Valued Employee: Our records indicate t
- 445 The American excuses himself, puts his left thumb to his ear, his left baby finger to his mouth and proceeds to have a telephone conversation. When he is done, he looks at the other two and says "Oh, that's the latest American technology in cell
- 446 "Well," said the Prime Minister. "The year 10000 is just around the corner, and it says in your files that you know COBOL...".Mars Babies.The US finally sent the first manned s.p.a.ce mission to Mars. The s.p.a.cecraft gently touched d
- 447 PC Badge.My home PC has a badge with "Idiot Outside" which I got from a computer fair My bin has a "Made for Windows 95" badge stuck on it.Serenity Prayer for Online Addict G.o.d, grant me the serenity to accept a server I cannot chang
- 448 Q. "What sort of trouble?"A. "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away. "Q. "Went away?"A. "They disappeared."Q. "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"A. "Nothing
- 449 Building a New Kind of Car.Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria. "Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?" one asked."He got this harebrained notion he was going to build a new kind of car," his co-worker replied.&quo
- 450 A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"The man below says: "yes you're in a hot air
- 451 The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo. When there wasn't any answer, he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet."I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Roll
- 452 They exchange brief h.e.l.los and he notices she is reading a manual about s.e.xual statistics.He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about s.e.xual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest aver
- 453 BEER doesn't need much closet s.p.a.ce.BEER can't give your herpes or other nasty things.BEER doesn't complain about the way you drive.BEER doesn't mind if you fart or belch.BEER never changes its mind.BEER doesn't tease you or pl
- 454 79 Ways to make Pa.s.sionate Love.A man from Bangladesh named Futh was bragging that in his country there is 79 different ways to make mad pa.s.sionate love.A gent form Florida listened incredulously. "Why that's amazing. Where I come from there's only
- 455 Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids. Bad: You cant find your birth control pills. Worse: Your daughter borrowed them. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room. Bad: You find several p.o.r.n movies hidden there. Worse: Youre in them. Good: Your hu
- 456 A farmer had advertised his farm and was showing it to a prospective buyer. As they walked along a fence line the buyer saw bee hives and stopped. He said, "Those hives are pretty close to the road."The farmer explained that the bees just made honey and
- 457 An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called in an artist.Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind
- 458 Excited Pregnant Woman.A young lady had just visited her doctor, and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to sh
- 459 The mother was quite adamant: "You'll have to wait until he wakes up."The visitor said, "Can't I just peek in and look at him sleeping?"The mother shook her head and admitted, "Well, in all honesty I can't remember where the h.e.l.l I put him, so
- 460 Italian models are very responsive but change hands often (high mileage) and often make worrying noises.American models tend to consume excessive amounts of fuel.Attractive British models are hard to find and expensive to maintain.Swedish models are usual
- 461 Men and Women "Who is Insane?"In general, women are saner than men. For example, If you see people who have paid good money to stand in an outdoor stadium on a freezing December day wearing nothing on the upper halves of their bodies except paint, those
- 462 A woman posts an ad in the newspaper that looks like this... 'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one d
- 463 I once had a friend, John, who worked in the coal mines.Unfortunately, he was killed in a freak accident when some movers lost their grip on a grand piano they were transporting; the piano fell down the mineshaft and crushed John to death.A local composer
- 464 She repeated her request to open an account. The president said he would take care of it personally, but his curiosity was killing him. He said, "Mind if I ask how you happened to come into such a large sum of cash?""Not at all," was h
- 465 PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!IRS are still waiting for answers for the following questions: - Are there penalties for early withdrawals?- What if one's p.e.n.i.s is self employed?- Do multiple partners count as a corporation?- Are condoms a ded
- 466 The small white guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?"The big dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch d.i.c.k, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball. And my name is Turner Brown."The small guy says, "Thank
- 467 Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane.Weight Loser.Edith and Lucille were pedaling their exercise bicycles at a health club."My husband's always playing around," complained Edith. "It's made me so anxious I can't even eat
- 468 In short: So simple, yet so complex.So weak, yet so powerful.So confusing, yet so desirable.So d.a.m.ning, yet so wonderfu....Women's Lib.At the 1997 World Women's Conference the first speaker from England stood up: "At last years' con
- 469 one leg and a bicycle.one hand and a Clapper.a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.green hair and thinks she's a tree.one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.10 fingers--all on the same hand.a gla.s.s eye
- 470 when it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.when it took her half an hour to make minute rice.when she threw a brick at the floor and missed.when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends.when she puts lipstick on h
- 471 PRINTER: A joke in poor taste. A printer consists of three main parts...the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.PROGRAMMERS: Computer avengers. Once members of that group of high school nerds who wore tape on their gla.s.ses, played Dun
- 472 After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."A man inserted an 'ad' in the cla.s.sifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hun
- 473 How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didnt live there? VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. If its true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for? You never really learn to swear until you learn