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Jokes Book Collection Novel Chapters
List of most recent chapters published for the Jokes Book Collection novel. A total of 473 chapters have been translated and the release date of the last chapter is Apr 02, 2024
Latest Release: Chapter 1 : PART I.CHAPTER 1.THE EARLY DAYS.Johnny has always reckoned that being born is like comin
PART I.CHAPTER 1.THE EARLY DAYS.Johnny has always reckoned that being born is like coming out of the cinema in the afternoon having watched a romantic film - all that bright light and everyone crying.Johnny's was a notable birth. He was so ugly the n
- 201 He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms: "Honey," "My Love," "Darling," "Sweetheart," "Pumpkin," etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and,
- 202 Designated Driver.One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five di
- 204 The young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about s.e.x. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather told him that when you first get married, you want it all the time and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, s
- 205 Little Johnny was sitting in cla.s.s doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question."Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None", replied Joh
- 206 Same Work.A mechanic was removing a cylinder from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop.The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike.The mechanic shouted across the garage,
- 207 With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse's ca.n.a.l then pulls him out.Shaking his head, the midget says, "Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like to thee her run!"Heights of Stuff.HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:? Tw
- 208 Slippery Doork.n.o.b.A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her.He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and when she agreed, he asked her if she knew his comp
- 209 INTERNET Woman : Difficult to access.SERVER Woman : Always busy when you need her.MULTIMEDIA Woman : She makes horrible things look beautiful.CD-ROM Woman : She is always faster and faster.E-MAIL Woman : Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.VIRUS
- 210 Windows Tamil Edition.Here Are Some Windows Commands In Tamil.Close:Pothiko.New:Pucchu.Old:Palsu.Replace:Itha Thooki Athle Athe Thooki Ithle Podu.Run:Odu Naina.Print:Printadi.Print Preview:Paathu Printadi.Copy:Vetu Kuthu.Paste:Echa Thottu Ottu.Paste speci
- 211 PART VI.Toastmaster.A good Irishman, John O'Reilly, met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening they were hitting the Guinness Stout and having a contest as to who could make the best toast.John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, &quo
- 212 The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem."Here's what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her, and spea
- 203 The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings."This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests and we've found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contag
- 213 >That's Brand Recognition.> >You see a gorgeous girl at a party.>You go up to her and say, "I'm rich.Marry me">She gives you a nice hard tight slap on your face.>That's Customer Feedback !!!!!!!!Questions & Answe
- 214 I used to be happy as your little queen, But now every night you're no where to be seen You come home from work just able to creep, I feel like s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g, but you want to sleep..Each evening, Dear Husband, you crawl into bed, Your intentions ar
- 215 When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.When I yell "Hey, Kool-Aid!" she comes cras.h.i.+ng through the wall.She puts mayonnaise on aspirin.Her a.s.s has its own congressman.Her belt size is &quo
- 216 9 Best Ways To Propose (With How To Turn Them Down).1. I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips.Reply : I don't mind where you die.. as long as you do!2. Did you know they changed the a
- 217 Dilbert's Words Of Wisdom.1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either.2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whoos.h.i.+ng sound they make as they go flying by.3. Am I getting smart wit
- 218 Inappropriate Language.A group of nuns were traveling in a car when it had a flat tire. They got out and attempted to change it, but being rather unworldly, they had no idea how to go about it. Fortunately, a truck came along and the driver offered to cha
- 219 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here, dumba.s.s? Roommate. Michael invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldnt help noticing how beautif
- 220 * Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds.* I pay your salary.* So uh, you on the take or what?* Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.* Do you know why you pulled me over? Oka
- 221 He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-me Not's great memory. (One local noted to him that 'How' was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than &quo
- 222 Where there is smoke, there's.........pollution.Happy is the bride who................gets all the presents.A penny saved is......................not much.Two is company, three's...............The musketeers.None are so blind as.................
- 223 Cla.s.sic Excuses.The following are some cla.s.sic written excuses given to teachers in the Alburquerque public school system: "Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.""Please excuse Johnni
- 224 SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.SM: It's not working SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started
- 225 10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle...it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!Detective Santa.A policeman was interrogating 3 Singh brothers who were t
- 226 15) Q: She had three children, right?A: Yes.Q: How many were boys?A: None.Q: Were there girls?16) You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the bas.e.
- 227 A: The best way to know for sure is to ask Santa Claus next time you see him.Q: Why do we hear so many bells at Christmas time?A: Because so many people ring them.Q: Why do so many people ring bells at Christmas time?A: For the poor, for the joy, and beca
- 228 When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of gla.s.ses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?How come you never he
- 229 Kentucky: 1. By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."2. It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.Louisiana: 1. It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the b
- 230 13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"15) Swat at flies that don't exist.16) Tell people that you can see their au
- 231 Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME.Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON Pa.s.sING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNE
- 232 Harry: Arrow. Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement? Harry: Firetruck. The princ.i.p.al breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last t
- 233 s.p.a.ce Shuttles.Hey guys.. This is a real 'Googly' as one would say.So you should read this carefully and understand the depth involved in the subject of science and tech.How They Designed the s.p.a.ce Shuttle The US standard railroad gauge (d
- 234 Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19).You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.Very Quotable Quotes.Power corrupts, but absolute power is really neat.--
- 235 "What the f.u.c.k was that?"- Mayor of Hiros.h.i.+ma "Where the f.u.c.k is all this water coming from?"- Captain of the t.i.tanic "That's not a real f.u.c.king gun."- John Lennon "Who's gonna f.u.c.king find ou
- 236 29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails......32. Definition of a
- 237 Idiots 2.IDIOTS IN SERVICE: This week, our phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 AM & 7:00 PM. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "
- 238 ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch po
- 239 > GIRL2 : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his > mouth.> > > Man : You remind me of the sea.> Woman : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?> Man : NO, because you make me sick.> > Wife : You t
- 240 TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!TEACHER: What are you talking about?SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.GEORGE: Here it is!TEACHER: Correct. Now, cla
- 241 36. When dining out, you think Rs 10 is enough of a tip.37. It's embarra.s.sing if your wedding has less than 600 people.38. You list your daughter as "fair and slim" in the matrimonial no matter what she looks like.39. You treat the NRI pe
- 242 Without censors.h.i.+p, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.General William Westmoreland, during the war in Viet Nam.Daddy's Daughter.Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because y
- 243 SALESPEOPLE.don't hunt Lions. They spend their time selling the Lions they haven't caught, for delivery two weeks before the season opens. Software salespeople s.h.i.+p the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for a Lion. Hardware sale
- 244 Kaun.Urmila Matondkar stabs Manoj Bajpai in the back but when he slides against the wall, there's no trace of blood at all.Aa Ab Laut Chalen.When Aishwarya Rai storms out of her brother's house, she's just clutching a purse. Yet in the very
- 245 Engineers.>Subject: Engineers >*************************************************>Comprehending Engineers-First Take >*************************************************>Two engineering students were walking across campus >when one said, &g
- 246 5. Keep informative books in the glove compartment You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwaters to recede when overground traffic meets underground drainage.6. Night driving on In
- 247 A: Exactly.Q: And like in China, too?A: I told you, China's a good economic compet.i.tor.Cuba, on the other hand, is not.Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic compet.i.tor?A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government pa.s.sed some
- 248 There will always be one rape scene HERO.The Hero is the person who gets the woman in the end and kills everyone with moles on their faces. The hero shaves, drinks, drives, gesticulates and picks several fights. He normally has a mother who seldom has a l
- 249 A taxi pa.s.senger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went upon the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab,
- 250 When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that G.o.d doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.A philosophy professor stood before his cla.s.s. He had some items on the table in front of him. When the cla.s
- 251 Two employees were caught naked and having s.e.x in the office by the guard.GUARD: Aha! Violating company rules! MAN: What rule? GUARD: Not wearing uniforms.Define Impotence? Nature's way of saying "NO HARD FEELINGS"Why was the 2 piece biki
- 252 PART VII.A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you
- 253 "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"Recently a man in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre.However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econo
- 254 BEFORE - Idol.AFTER - Idle.BEFORE - I love a woman with curves.AFTER - I never said you were fat.BEFORE - He's completely lost without me.AFTER - Why won't he ever ask for directions?BEFORE - Time stood still.AFTER - This relations.h.i.+p is goi
- 255 *CREAM*Compet.i.tive and sportive. Don't like losing and always cheerful!You are trustworthy, and very out going. You choose love carefully, and don't fall in love easily. But once you find the right one, you don't let go for a long long ti
- 256 The others nod, and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry emits a thunderous fart. He looks up at the others staring at him and says, "Somebody get me a piece of paper... I'm receiving a FAX.Ou
- 257 There will always be one rape scene.HERO.The Hero is the person who gets the woman in the end and kills everyone with moles on their faces. The hero shaves, drinks, drives, gesticulates and picks several fights. He normally has a mother who seldom has a l
- 258 The father was crushed.He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged for her forgiveness.An accident took the life of the child only a short time later and it is told that the man kept that gold box by his bed for many years and whenever he was di
- 259 A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, "What's the special of the day?""Chili," she says, "but the gentleman next to you got the last bowl."The man says he'll just
- 260 Our body needs an optimum temperature of 37 degrees Celsius for digestive enzyme functioning. The temperature of cold soft drinks is very much below 37 degrees or even close to 0 degree C. This will dilute the enzymes & stress the digestive system.The foo
- 261 A hardworking female executive dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and he says, "You've shown an outstanding apt.i.tude for making business decisions. Choose whether you will go to heaven or to h.e.l.l.""I don't know!&quo
- 262 The store ownerreplied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50."The little boy reached into his pocket and pulled out some change."I have $2.37, can I look at them?" The store owner smiled and whistled. Out of the back of the store camehis dog runn
- 263 TRUE FRIEND TEST.friend: calls ur parents by mr. and mrs.BEST friend: calls them by their first name.friend: has never seen u cry.BEST friend: has always had the best shoulder to cry on.friend: never asks for n e thing to eat or drink.BEST friend: opens u
- 264 The woman is breathing heavily in antic.i.p.ation as the stranger approaches. He removes his s.h.i.+rt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his s.h.i.+rt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Iron this.&quo
- 265 Finis.h.i.+ng the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady fr
- 266 A Dozen Indian Software engineers waiting for a free Haircut !!An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing. So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked.The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanw
- 267 Rules for making INDIAN Movies.1. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will - die - join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.2. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they
- 268 15. You buy and display crockery, which is for special occasions, which never happen.16. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.17. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.18. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as po
- 269 You need constant stimulation because you get bored quickly. You can handle more than 1 relations.h.i.+p at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You can do 2 things at once. You are very talented.Does your name begin with: Y .You are sensu
- 270 TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?Johnny:"HIJKLMNO"!!TEACHER: What are you talking about?Johnny:Yesterday you said it's H to O!TEACHER: Johnny go to the map and find North America.Johnny: Here it is!TEACHER: Correct. Now, cla.
- 271 Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But h
- 272 A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams,which the father receives as "Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife "I
- 273 It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner."What are you charged with?" he asked."Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant."That's no offense," replied the judg
- 274 Santa Singh: My doctor told me to drink carrot juice after a hot bath to cure my cold.Banta Singh: Does it work?Santa Singh: I don't know... I can never finish drinking the hot bath.Laloo ended up getting drunk at this place called the Golden Cafe in Goa
- 275 At last Banta says, "BAHUT HO GAYA. SAFED WALA GHORA MERA, KALA WALA TERA"From: Chandra Shekhar Santa Singh went to the Doctor and complained that he was aching all over."Where exactly are you hurting?", asked the doctor.Santa Singh replied, "All ove
- 276 Once a Sardarji went to give an examination, He slowly started removing his s.h.i.+rt, when he was about to do the same with his trousers, the invigilator quickly stopped him & asked "what the h.e.l.l was he trying to do"? The sardarji replied that he w
- 277 ---********---0 An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a cla.s.s of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the cla.s.s. "There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear."Havin
- 278 From: Chandra Shekhar Four guys, from Harvard, Yale, MIT and the last one: our Santa Singh for Panjab University, were in the final stages of interviewing for a prestigious job. The company decided to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview. Over
- 279 What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?Run like h.e.l.l....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.From: Deepa Santa Singh lived in England and was very popular with the people in his neighborhood. He was a regular at he local pub, and met up with
- 280 Banta Singh agreed and returned disappointed to his followers. They asked him what had happened. He said, "Friends, I think we deserve these jokes, Ghanta Singh asked me a question and I couldnt answer." All others asked him what the question was and th
- 281 TRACY :I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.MAN : You remind me of the sea.WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?MAN : NO, because you make me sick.Mary : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
- 282 A baby was born who was so advanced, he could talk.He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor."Are you my doctor?" he asked."Yes, I am," said the doctor.The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth."He looked
- 283 PART VIII.TEACHER: Why are you late?Johnny: Because of the sign.TEACHER: What sign?Johnny: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."Teacher : "h.e.l.lo boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."Johnny: One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please ta
- 284 Salesman : Forty dollars.Customer : Why, I can buy a pair of shoes with that much money.Salesman : But how would a pair of shoes look around your neck.Jimmy : Mom, can I have two pieces of cake?Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.Woman : Ho
- 285 2) Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just pa.s.ses quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?3) Q: What happened then?A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you c
- 286 U never have a "residence" tel. no., U have a "home" no.U never have a "office" tel. no., U have a "work" no.U don't stop at the "signals", but halt at the "lights".U don't "accelerate", U "step on the gas".Your tyre never "punctures",
- 287 * On a string of Chinese made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.* On a j.a.panese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.* On Sainsbury's Peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.* On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: ope
- 288 Love is a flickering flame.Marriage is a flickering television.Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!"It all started when I was 16 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He w
- 289 What will a mallu reply when asked "Are there any mosquitoes in your house?- Plendy Why did the Malayalee crossed the road?- Simbly.How does a malayalee spell the word 'MOON' ?- M - O yet another O N.Why do they require 5 people for a Malayalee funeral
- 290 Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman - and then, BAM!, it was all gone!""What happened?" asked his fr
- 291 Marriage is a three ring circus: -engagement ring.-wedding ring.-SUFFE-RING.When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.When a man opens the
- 292 MEN ARE LIKE... Newborn babies, they're cute at first, but you get tired of cleaning up their c.r.a.p.MEN ARE LIKE... Laxatives, they irritate the s.h.i.+t out of you.This guy owns a horse stud farm and gets a call from a friend. "I know this midget wit
- 293 What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age 22) 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially Successful 4. A Caring Listener 5. Witty 6. In Good Shape 7. Dresses with Style 8. Appreciates the Finer Things 9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises 10. An Imaginative,
- 294 US Declares, 'Veerappan Is Osama Bin Laden'In what can only be described as bizarre, the US Department of Defense has released information, which describes notorious sandalwood smuggler Veerappan as none other than America's most wanted person, Osama B
- 295 3. Hiros.h.i.+ma & Nagasaki are very complicated names for kids learning history in India , I think Karachi & Islamabad will be easier for them to remember.4. I know you must be thinking Pakistan will not bomb New Delhi & Bombay. Your guess may be right,
- 296 9. A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?10. How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?11. How could you rearrange the letters in the words "new door" to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.12. Even if t
- 297 The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.Sheer stockings. Designed fo
- 298 HE:How did you get to be so beautiful?SHE: I must've been given your share!!HE: Is it hot in here or is it just you?SHE:It's hot!!HE: I'd go to the ends of the world for you!SHE: Okay, but would you stay there?HE: Will you come out with me this Sat.u.r
- 299 >If you wanted cycle, ask for scooter; if you wanted a >motorcycle, ask for Maruti. Always ask for something >higher than you need. The young Sardarji who wanted no >dowry, imbibed the lesson. When his father-in-law >asked him what he wanted, the young Sa
- 300 The guard says, "We'll just see about that - get off the bike!"The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand a.n.a.lyzed, only to discover that there is